SILLY JOKES

Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic.

He choked on his own vimto  

Quoted from barralad

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the roof?

Tequila!

"My wife's gone to the West Indies"

"Jamaica?"

"No, she went of her own accord"

Quoted from kingofthekippers

"My wife's gone to the West Indies"

"Jamaica?"

"No, she went of her own accord"

That's probably the oldest joke I know.

I remember getting told that as an 8 year old and not understanding it.

Quoted from MaccaBilk

That's probably the oldest joke I know.

I remember getting told that as an 8 year old and not understanding it.

Come on Macca, you must know jokes older than 2 years ago  

What's the difference between normal soup and Oasis soup?

Well, Oasis soup, you get a roll with it.....








But as an aside, my ex stepson was as thick as a whale omelette and clearly didn't get the gag, cos when he recounted it to my parents, he said

"What's the difference between normal soup and Oasis soup?

Well, Oasis soup comes with bread.................."

Big dumb twit.

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get  off work and go fishing, so he approached his  assistant



"Murphy, I am going fishing  tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to  take care of the clinic and take care of all me  patients".



"Yes, sir!" answers  Murphy.



The doctor goes fishing and  returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was  your day?"



Murphy told him that he took care  of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did,  so I gave him Paracetamol."
  
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second  one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had indigestion  and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says  Murphy.



"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this  and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.



"Sir, I was sitting here and  suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading  her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick!  For five years I have not seen any  man!'"



"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what  did you do?" asks the  doctor.



"I put drops in her  eyes."  

The Queen was visiting service personel on the eve of their deployment to Afghanistan.
She asked a squaddie ,a sailor and a crab(RAF)  what would they do if they found a big camel spider in their tent.

'Kick the excrement out of it' said the squaddie.

'Jump on it from a great height' said the sailor.

'Phone reception and ask what a fecking tent was doing in my room' said the crab.

Quoted from Biccys

But as an aside, my ex stepson was as thick as a whale omelette and clearly didn't get the gag, cos when he recounted it to my parents, he said

"What's the difference between normal soup and Oasis soup?

Well, Oasis soup comes with bread.................."

Big dumb twit.

What's the difference between Marinerian masturbating and Wrawby masturbating into a hot-dog bun?

Wrawby comes with bread........

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for
them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a
sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.....
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were
told  that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not
be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no
reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the
priests  until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced,
his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering
across the  ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
He bent over to pick it up...
> > .......and all the other bells started to ring

Chas and Dave have split stating Dave could no longer stand Chas all he would do is rabbit, rabbit, rabbit.