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SILLY JOKES

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Civvy at last
April 1, 2009, 11:30am

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I've just got back from a job interview.

One of the questions they asked me was

"If you could have dinner with any one person alive or dead who would you choose"

I said.

"That's easy, the alive one"  


The wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I jokingly remarked  'I don't know whether to spend it watching porn or watching football'
'you may as well spend it watching porn' she replied
That's understanding darling what makes you say that? I asked

She said 'Well you already know how to play football'  
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Civvy at last
April 30, 2009, 9:03pm

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Think I've got that Swine flu.  I keep coming out in rashers  

I rang that NHS number for regarding the swine flu.  What a waste of time that was.........




ALL I GOT WAS CRACKLING  


The wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I jokingly remarked  'I don't know whether to spend it watching porn or watching football'
'you may as well spend it watching porn' she replied
That's understanding darling what makes you say that? I asked

She said 'Well you already know how to play football'  
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barralad
April 30, 2009, 9:48pm
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Quoted from Civvy at last
Think I've got that Swine flu.  I keep coming out in rashers  

I rang that NHS number for regarding the swine flu.  What a waste of time that was.........




ALL I GOT WAS CRACKLING  


It's Sow painful. However help is at hand from a new oinkment


The aim of argument or discussion should not be victory but progress.

Joseph Joubert.
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mike the mariner
June 1, 2009, 2:14am

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A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks."

He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.

He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house."
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Les Brechin
June 3, 2009, 5:12pm

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Renault and Ford have got together to build a car to beat the credit crunch. It will be based on the Clio & the Taurus. The all new Clitaurus will be available in pink and comes with optional furry dash.


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Civvy at last
June 3, 2009, 5:15pm

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Quoted from Les Brechin
Renault and Ford have got together to build a car to beat the credit crunch. It will be based on the Clio & the Taurus. The all new Clitaurus will be available in pink and comes with optional furry dash.


F*ck me,  I bet every C unt will have one.  


The wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I jokingly remarked  'I don't know whether to spend it watching porn or watching football'
'you may as well spend it watching porn' she replied
That's understanding darling what makes you say that? I asked

She said 'Well you already know how to play football'  
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mike the mariner
June 3, 2009, 5:42pm

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At least it will be easy to find.  
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theicenian
June 3, 2009, 5:42pm

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My next door neighbour went round to his Gran's house the other day and in the corner of her frontroom she has a Hammond organ.On it was a goldfish bowl full of water with a condom floating in it. He couldn't resist asking Gran what it was all about. "Ah"says Gran "I found this packet lying on the pavement and read the instructions. It works,or it has done upto now."  "What works Gran" asks my neighbour. "well it said on the packet place on organ keep moist prevents disease"
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mike the mariner
June 3, 2009, 8:25pm

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There were 7 dwarfs in a shower all feeling happy, but then happy got out so they started feeling grumpy instead!
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Civvy at last
June 4, 2009, 3:44pm

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Quoted from mike the mariner
There were 7 dwarfs in a shower all feeling happy, but then happy got out so they started feeling grumpy instead!


So that would mean that there were 8 dwarfs in all if seven of them were feeling happy.  

What Panto's did you go to fella ?


The wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I jokingly remarked  'I don't know whether to spend it watching porn or watching football'
'you may as well spend it watching porn' she replied
That's understanding darling what makes you say that? I asked

She said 'Well you already know how to play football'  
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