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SILLY JOKES

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Civvy at last
June 11, 2009, 11:35pm

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I went to see the same fortune teller but was not impressed.

She was shut and there was a sign on the door

"Closed due to unforseen circumstances"


The wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I jokingly remarked  'I don't know whether to spend it watching porn or watching football'
'you may as well spend it watching porn' she replied
That's understanding darling what makes you say that? I asked

She said 'Well you already know how to play football'  
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steve1971
June 17, 2009, 2:19pm

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THE BIKER & THE LORD




A man was riding his Harley along a beach front road when suddenly the sky clouded over and above his head... In a booming voice, the Lord said,

'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over, stopped and said: - ,

'Please 'Build a bridge from California to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' '

The Lord replied, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Ocean and the concrete and steel it would take!  It will almost exhaust several natural resources.  I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he responded,

' Lord, I wish that  ... .I, and all men, could understand our wives clearly;  I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking, why she cries,  and what she means when she says nothing's wrong,  and also how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, ' Do You want two lanes or four on that bridge'?



If all the cars in England were placed end to end on a long road, some sharp object in a Type-R would still try to pass them
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barralad
June 20, 2009, 9:12pm
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A pair of glasses walks into a pub and up to the bar.:

Glasses: I'll have a pint of Guinness

Barman: I'm not serving you

Glasses: Why?

Barman: Because you're off your face...  


The aim of argument or discussion should not be victory but progress.

Joseph Joubert.
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Civvy at last
June 20, 2009, 9:13pm

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense ?


The wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I jokingly remarked  'I don't know whether to spend it watching porn or watching football'
'you may as well spend it watching porn' she replied
That's understanding darling what makes you say that? I asked

She said 'Well you already know how to play football'  
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Meggy
June 22, 2009, 5:27am
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Quoted from Civvy at last
How do you keep an idiot in suspense ?


That ought to be, "How do you keep an idiot in suspense for 24 hours?
I'll tell you tomorrow"

Also, How do you confuse an idiot?
Forty three.
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Meggy
June 22, 2009, 5:30am
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Bloke walks into Woolies, (old joke then), and walks up to the paint counter, asking the girl, "Do you have any red paint?"

"Sorry", she replies, "we only have blue ."

"That's OK," says the bloke, "I'm on me bike."





I don't either
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Civvy at last
June 22, 2009, 7:42pm

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What sentence confuses homosexuals ?

A jacket nailed to a bag of carrots .


The wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I jokingly remarked  'I don't know whether to spend it watching porn or watching football'
'you may as well spend it watching porn' she replied
That's understanding darling what makes you say that? I asked

She said 'Well you already know how to play football'  
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Civvy at last
June 25, 2009, 9:39am

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What will the dyslexic kids do at Christmas now that Setanta is dead  


The wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I jokingly remarked  'I don't know whether to spend it watching porn or watching football'
'you may as well spend it watching porn' she replied
That's understanding darling what makes you say that? I asked

She said 'Well you already know how to play football'  
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barralad
June 25, 2009, 11:42am
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Why did the Mexican push his wife off the roof?

Tequila!


The aim of argument or discussion should not be victory but progress.

Joseph Joubert.
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Wrawby_Mariner
June 26, 2009, 3:12pm
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I almost died today when a box full of old photos fell on me from the top shelf.

My whole life flashed before my eyes.
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