Hilariously inept performances

John Stone defender when he played here for Darlington.

Town were 6-0 up at half-time, FT Grimsby 7-2 Darlington.

We signed him shortly after.

Quoted from ska face

Nick Colgan suffered genuine, 100% headloss towards the end of that 09/10 season. Can’t remember who we were playing but he’d already chucked one in, then after ironic cheers from the crowd at him saving a pea roller he turned around to the Pontoon and started joining in. Bloke was jumping up and down pumping his fists shouting “yaaaayy! yaaayyy!”  Absolute lunatic.

Bournemouth at home rings a bell. Think we won 3-2? He let in a howler, drunk it down I think.

I remember Heywood and Hope being flipping awful beyond all levels of explanation at Vale park once.

I also remember fans begging for Charles Adameno away at Rushden, he came on and was dogshit. When I think back to that I realise just how bad Scunny must be because we were dreadful but we never looked anything other than top half in the conference…

James berrett away to Doncaster. 4000 town fans and he pulled out of tackles and pretended to go for headers but ducked under them. Absolute disgrace to the shirt that day

Quoted from Poojah

Ronnie Bull at Bury one Good Friday was pretty epic. Tommy Forecast v Crewe, obviously. I seem to recall both Antoine-Curier and Matt Heywood both getting hooked in the first-half due to woefully inept performances. I’m gonna stop myself there, there are just too many…

Antoine-Currier got hooked against Blackpool ,after trying a Zidane roulette in our 18 yard box which resulted in them scoring  ,the heckles from the main stand were at fever pitch 'you gormless lump ' and 'he's absolutely hopeless ' were a couple I remember .

Quoted from Posh Harry

James berrett away to Doncaster. 4000 town fans and he pulled out of tackles and pretended to go for headers but ducked under them. Absolute disgrace to the shirt that day

He did that every game though ,a strange one him a very un Hurst like player

Murray Jones will always go down as the worst striker we ever had .
I remember going to Brentford away the season after we’d offloaded him to them and a copper asking me my thoughts on him .
He agreed when I told him he’s the worst player I’ve ever seen for us .

Special mention to Tony Rees for getting sent off at Coventry away after 2 minutes , we had won the first leg 3-1 so was hoping for a cup upset .
Also Tony Rees again for getting sent off for fighting with Tommy Watson at Hartlepool away , Watson got his marching orders too

Quoted from bradzmilne

Lee Ridley away at York (2011-ish).

The definition of “legs have gone”.

Great shout. Every York attack came down their right - and I don't think it was because they thought Gary Silk was ace! We signed Townsend a couple of weeks later, and that was that for Ridders.

My entry for this is not for one game, but a set of a dozen or more games: Junior Mendes in the Slade playoff final season.

Mendes was (in)effectively Martin Gritton's mid-season deadline day replacement, and came in and failed to score at all for us.   He became the back up to Reddy and Lump, another option to Gary Cohen or Parky.  But, meh.

I'd have forgiven him if he'd either scored or assisted in the Playoff final when Reddy went off, but without being completely shite, he just didn't do what we brought him in for, and that season was some tight promotion wise  that if he'd had made one single goalcoring contribution, we probably would have gone up.

Easy to say in hindsight, but maybe Slade should have given a teenage Danny North a chance instead?!

So not hilarious, not inept, but completely ineffective.

Gordon Walker

Damian Spencer, built like a greek god but couldn't hit a cow's bottom with a banjo. One game can't remember which the keeper passed it straight to him from a goal kick and his brain just froze and he muddled it up..