Letter to the Bank of England

Dear Mervyn King,

I see that the Bank of England are considering another round of "Quantitative Easing". I have a suggestion as to what the bank could do with the money it produces. Rather than just give it to our banks who may just "sit" on the money and not "kick start" the economy in the way you like I suggest you give it to lower league football clubs.

Small football clubs are at the heart of communities up and down the country and they would inject additional money into their local economies through players wages and ground improvements. Fans would start spending more money as well by going to more games and buying pints, burgers and pies. This would entail more stewards, police and bar staff, who in turn would spend their extra wages on other goods and services. In other words exactly what you are trying to achieve with "Quantitative Easing".

I suggest you make a start on my own team Grimsby Town. We only ever buy players from other British clubs so all the money you would give to Town would be distributed in the UK. I reckon our ground could do with a lick of paint as well so that would be more work for local people. There's plenty of things we could spend money on I'm sure.

Shall we start with two million? If the experiment is a success perhaps you could then consider taking action with other teams. I am more than happy to suggest a list of other teams that would benefit from "Quantitative Easing", although for obvious reasons I wouldn't recommend Lincoln, Scunthorpe or Hull.

I look forward to hearing from you. If you want to send a cheque just make it payable to "Grimsby Town Football Club". I'll make sure it gets passed on.

Perhaps get the cheque made out to "Campaign Against Spending Hastily" or C.A.S.H. for short?

I can only back this idea. QE runs into the billions, whereas a tiny sum like £1m quid could really help Town (and the economy).

If a couple of million pounds were to be made available to GTFC, how should it be used? Sincerely yours Mervyn.

Excellent stuff Rob  

Quoted from 1600

Excellent stuff Rob  

it's a p1ss poor idea that is only marginally better than your really p1ss poor idea. . . so yeah, excellent stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear BoE, please kindly use your(loose term) money to blow yourselves to a trillion bits and make a small investment in TV coverage so we can all watch.
I'm sure takers would be plentiful as the vewing figures would be astronimical.
Please try to clear your top (w)bankers away from the vecinity of the blast however as once fat hardens it is difficult to shift and we could do without the cleanup expense in an economical disaster zone which you have kindly help create.

Oh, but give summats to town first, both for the benefit of our club and to make this post footy related

Quoted from 1054

it's a p1ss poor idea that is only marginally better than your really p1ss poor idea. . . so yeah, excellent stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really wish I was as positive as you !
Tell me, how do you stay so optimistic and cheerful ?
If only everyone was like you everything would be so much better...    

Class !!

Is this a wind up or have you actually asked ?

I do think its a cracking Idea although we probably more chance of TimMickleburgh working 9 til 5  than actually getting some cash from the tight twits.

Quoted from 1600

I really wish I was as positive as you !
Tell me, how do you stay so optimistic and cheerful ?
If only everyone was like you everything would be so much better...    

My attitude is quite congruent with the performance and my recent experience of GTFC. . . i.e. not deluded

Typical view of someone who has swung too far off the end of the scale - if anyone dare says they're not "positive" then the questioner MUST be "deluded" about GTFC or "looking through rose tinted specs" even if they're clearly not at all.

The irony !

We could always apply for lottery funding if Merv doesn't shell out.

Right I've printed out the letter and put it in an envelope. When I walk to the post box tomorrow I'm going to to stride there filled with a sense of history in the making.  

Already looking forward to the reply

Quoted from VictorMeldrewsDad

Already looking forward to the reply

I bet it's a short one

Dear Mervyn King - I am destitute and my wife has left me - please find me a home ..................... holds breath for rebuke

Dear Bank of England,

My football club has been mismanaged by a millionaire for what seems like an eternity.
We have slipped from being a stable league side into the oblivion of non-league.
As a business, the club in haemorrhaging almost a million pounds a year and attendances are falling alarmingly.
Approximately 97% of the local population do not watch the club on a regular basis and we currently only have nostalgic memories to motivate our fanbase, although that seems under threat due to the newly implemented ''don't look back'' initiative.
We do not have any new business proposals or innovative plans for alternative income streams.
Our management team is now computer literate.
With the information stated above, could you print a load of money out for us so we can gradually squander it but pretend everything is going well.
PS don't criticise any of our management staff or you will be met by a tirade of abuse and then a badly worded apology.

Thanks a fookin bunch

STB

Quoted from STB

Dear Bank of England,

My football club has been mismanaged by a millionaire for what seems like an eternity.
We have slipped from being a stable league side into the oblivion of non-league.
As a business, the club in haemorrhaging almost a million pounds a year and attendances are falling alarmingly.
Approximately 97% of the local population do not watch the club on a regular basis and we currently only have nostalgic memories to motivate our fanbase, although that seems under threat due to the newly implemented ''don't look back'' initiative.
We do not have any new business proposals or innovative plans for alternative income streams.
Our management team is now computer literate.
With the information stated above, could you print a load of money out for us so we can gradually squander it but pretend everything is going well.
PS don't criticise any of our management staff or you will be met by a tirade of abuse and then a badly worded apology.

Thanks a fookin bunch

STB

On that note
SACK THE BOARD SACK THE BOARD SACK THE BOARD

Quoted from STB

Dear Bank of England,

My football club has been mismanaged by a millionaire for what seems like an eternity.
We have slipped from being a stable league side into the oblivion of non-league.
As a business, the club in haemorrhaging almost a million pounds a year and attendances are falling alarmingly.
Approximately 97% of the local population do not watch the club on a regular basis and we currently only have nostalgic memories to motivate our fanbase, although that seems under threat due to the newly implemented ''don't look back'' initiative.
We do not have any new business proposals or innovative plans for alternative income streams.
Our management team is now computer literate.
With the information stated above, could you print a load of money out for us so we can gradually squander it but pretend everything is going well.
PS don't criticise any of our management staff or you will be met by a tirade of abuse and then a badly worded apology.

Thanks a fookin bunch

STB

very good  

Don't worry. By the time the Bank of England have finished printing their way out of the shit the resultant inflation will mean we'll all be millionaires. By then of course a million pounds won't buy you a bag of crisps....

Not heard anything so I have composed a new letter:

Dear Mervyn,  

I am yet to hear from you, no doubt you have been mulling over the chance to undertake some "quantitative easing" in Grimsby Town Football Club. I write to you again because there has been a development since my letter was sent. Our beloved Chairman John Fenty has stood aside and Grimsby Town are now rudderless. This is a golden opportunity for your bank to take the helm should you wish to. Would the Bank of England be interested in not only financing the club but also joining the board (or even actually replacing what remains of the entire board)?

I don't represent the club but I reckon we could also name a stand after you. The Main Stand has seen better days. How about it gets a repaint financed by the bank and be renamed the Mervyn King stand? Or if you'd rather not hog the limelight we could call it the Quantitative Easing Stand instead? But we're getting into details now and I guess there's a lot to discuss.

I look forward to hearing from you. Shall we meet at a game to discuss things?

Quoted from GrimRob

Not heard anything so I have composed a new letter:

Dear Mervyn,  

I am yet to hear from you, no doubt you have been mulling over the chance to undertake some "quantitative easing" in Grimsby Town Football Club. I write to you again because there has been a development since my letter was sent. Our beloved Chairman John Fenty has stood aside and Grimsby Town are now rudderless. This is a golden opportunity for your bank to take the helm should you wish to. Would the Bank of England be interested in not only financing the club but also joining the board (or even actually replacing what remains of the entire board)?

I don't represent the club but I reckon we could also name a stand after you. The Main Stand has seen better days. How about it gets a repaint financed by the bank and be renamed the Mervyn King stand? Or if you'd rather not hog the limelight we could call it the Quantitative Easing Stand instead? But we're getting into details now and I guess there's a lot to discuss.

I look forward to hearing from you. Shall we meet at a game to discuss things?

How dare you Rob....the club will not be rudderless. It must be so because it is on the OS statement, second to last paragraph

http://www.grimsby-townfc.co.uk/page/NewsDetail/0,,10417~2456000,00.html

Quoted from GrimRob

Not heard anything so I have composed a new letter:

Dear Mervyn,  

I am yet to hear from you, no doubt you have been mulling over the chance to undertake some "quantitative easing" in Grimsby Town Football Club. I write to you again because there has been a development since my letter was sent. Our beloved Chairman John Fenty has stood aside and Grimsby Town are now rudderless. This is a golden opportunity for your bank to take the helm should you wish to. Would the Bank of England be interested in not only financing the club but also joining the board (or even actually replacing what remains of the entire board)?

I don't represent the club but I reckon we could also name a stand after you. The Main Stand has seen better days. How about it gets a repaint financed by the bank and be renamed the Mervyn King stand? Or if you'd rather not hog the limelight we could call it the Quantitative Easing Stand instead? But we're getting into details now and I guess there's a lot to discuss.

I look forward to hearing from you. Shall we meet at a game to discuss things?

You should give that letter the final Robin Cooper touch and send in a pencilled drawing/scrawl of the new ground as you'd like to see it.

The last question sounds like a threat lol