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Mrs Taylor and the long wait.

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acko338
September 20, 2021, 7:36pm
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Away again on Saturday, so will Mrs Taylor be able to deliver the goods safely in good time and good health so that we have no forward selection problems?

Will hubby score to celebrate if free to play, and will there be a new baby post-goal celebration if he does?

And a joint team celebration to work on in training this week ?
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KingstonMariner
September 20, 2021, 8:46pm
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Give her a curry or Mr Taylor to give her a reprise of how she got in that condition.


Through the door there came familiar laughter,
I saw your face and heard you call my name.
Oh my friend we're older but no wiser,
For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
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Poojah
September 20, 2021, 9:05pm
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True story. When my wife was pregnant with our son, our first child, she was becoming frustrated that he was considerably overdue, and sent me a text while I was at work along the following lines:

“I’m just going out for a long walk. Hopefully that will make the baby get a move on”.

I was short on time as I was heading into a meeting, so I simply replied “I hope it does”.

Except I didn’t.

You see, the letters ‘I’ and ‘O’ conveniently sit next to one another on a qwerty keyboard, so it’s quite easy for a clumsy bàstard like me to hit the wrong key. Of course, that changes the meaning of the sentence somewhat. What I actually sent her was:

“I hope it dies”.

And then I promptly put my phone away, went into my meeting and didn’t look at my phone again for another two or three hours. By which point, as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset about by my apparent about turn with regard to our decision to have a baby.

Took some explaining, that one.


A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.
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Heisenberg
September 20, 2021, 10:25pm
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Quoted from Poojah
True story. When my wife was pregnant with our son, our first child, she was becoming frustrated that he was considerably overdue, and sent me a text while I was at work along the following lines:

“I’m just going out for a long walk. Hopefully that will make the baby get a move on”.

I was short on time as I was heading into a meeting, so I simply replied “I hope it does”.

Except I didn’t.

You see, the letters ‘I’ and ‘O’ conveniently sit next to one another on a qwerty keyboard, so it’s quite easy for a clumsy bàstard like me to hit the wrong key. Of course, that changes the meaning of the sentence somewhat. What I actually sent her was:

“I hope it dies”.

And then I promptly put my phone away, went into my meeting and didn’t look at my phone again for another two or three hours. By which point, as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset about by my apparent about turn with regard to our decision to have a baby.

Took some explaining, that one.


That’s a good one, Poojah!
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bobbyturtle
September 21, 2021, 7:07pm
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Quoted from Poojah
True story. When my wife was pregnant with our son, our first child, she was becoming frustrated that he was considerably overdue, and sent me a text while I was at work along the following lines:

“I’m just going out for a long walk. Hopefully that will make the baby get a move on”.

I was short on time as I was heading into a meeting, so I simply replied “I hope it does”.

Except I didn’t.

You see, the letters ‘I’ and ‘O’ conveniently sit next to one another on a qwerty keyboard, so it’s quite easy for a clumsy bàstard like me to hit the wrong key. Of course, that changes the meaning of the sentence somewhat. What I actually sent her was:

“I hope it dies”.

And then I promptly put my phone away, went into my meeting and didn’t look at my phone again for another two or three hours. By which point, as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset about by my apparent about turn with regard to our decision to have a baby.

Took some explaining, that one.


doh


Icenian Prediction League 2015 (Game 2) winner
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DB
September 21, 2021, 7:30pm
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Quoted from Poojah
True story. When my wife was pregnant with our son, our first child, she was becoming frustrated that he was considerably overdue, and sent me a text while I was at work along the following lines:

“I’m just going out for a long walk. Hopefully that will make the baby get a move on”.

I was short on time as I was heading into a meeting, so I simply replied “I hope it does”.

Except I didn’t.

You see, the letters ‘I’ and ‘O’ conveniently sit next to one another on a qwerty keyboard, so it’s quite easy for a clumsy bàstard like me to hit the wrong key. Of course, that changes the meaning of the sentence somewhat. What I actually sent her was:

“I hope it dies”.

And then I promptly put my phone away, went into my meeting and didn’t look at my phone again for another two or three hours. By which point, as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset about by my apparent about turn with regard to our decision to have a baby.

Took some explaining, that one.


The best thing about funny stories are the ones that are true. Thank you for sharing that.



You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
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TheRealJohnLewis
September 21, 2021, 8:17pm
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Quoted from Poojah
True story. When my wife was pregnant with our son, our first child, she was becoming frustrated that he was considerably overdue, and sent me a text while I was at work along the following lines:

“I’m just going out for a long walk. Hopefully that will make the baby get a move on”.

I was short on time as I was heading into a meeting, so I simply replied “I hope it does”.

Except I didn’t.

You see, the letters ‘I’ and ‘O’ conveniently sit next to one another on a qwerty keyboard, so it’s quite easy for a clumsy bàstard like me to hit the wrong key. Of course, that changes the meaning of the sentence somewhat. What I actually sent her was:

“I hope it dies”.

And then I promptly put my phone away, went into my meeting and didn’t look at my phone again for another two or three hours. By which point, as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset about by my apparent about turn with regard to our decision to have a baby.

Took some explaining, that one.


Kind of related, When I was in Afghan, I cut my head in the stationery cupboard, so I took a picture and sent it to my Mrs saying that I had been shot at and it had skimmed my head, at the moment all communication was shut down due to Op Minimise. This is when there are serious injuries or deaths and all the lines of communication back home are shut off, to prevent any names from being leaked back home so the families could be notified correctly.

This Op Minimise was a big one which meant the lines were down for 2-3 days, and I had no way of explaining that I hadn't been shot or injured and that I had cut my head getting a stapler!

She was fuming.

Tweet 1440394048901054487 will appear here...
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jamesgtfc
September 21, 2021, 8:33pm
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Quoted from TheRealJohnLewis


Kind of related, When I was in Afghan, I cut my head in the stationery cupboard, so I took a picture and sent it to my Mrs saying that I had been shot at and it had skimmed my head, at the moment all communication was shut down due to Op Minimise. This is when there are serious injuries or deaths and all the lines of communication back home are shut off, to prevent any names from being leaked back home so the families could be notified correctly.

This Op Minimise was a big one which meant the lines were down for 2-3 days, and I had no way of explaining that I hadn't been shot or injured and that I had cut my head getting a stapler!

She was fuming.

Tweet 1440394048901054487 will appear here...


I had a bad car accident a few years ago and a couple of colleagues drove past my car without fully appreciating it could be me. 8:40 came and I wasn't there so someone came back as I was sat on the roadside in a very bad way. He must have rang back to the office and they finally managed to dig out my HR record to ring my wife.

"Oh he's not that bad, he's just crashed his car and gone to Grimsby Hospital to be checked over."

Wife gets to hospital and is taken straight into the family room whilst I'm being tidied up in resus with 11 doctors and nurses around me.
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Civvy at last
September 21, 2021, 8:37pm

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Freudian slips can be so embarrassing.

Just the other day at breakfast I meant to say to the wife ‘

Could you pass me the salt darling’.

What actually came out was

You’ve totally ruined the last 30 years of my life you fat cow.


Whoops 😬


The wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I jokingly remarked  'I don't know whether to spend it watching porn or watching football'
'you may as well spend it watching porn' she replied
That's understanding darling what makes you say that? I asked

She said 'Well you already know how to play football'  
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Poojah
September 21, 2021, 8:40pm
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Quoted from Civvy at last


Freudian slips can be so embarrassing.

Just the other day at breakfast I meant to say to the wife ‘

Could you pass me the salt darling’.

What actually came out was

You’ve totally ruined the last 30 years of my life you fat cow.


Whoops 😬


Pouring salt on your breakfast; tut tut. Don’t expect to live another 30…


A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.
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