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True story. When my wife was pregnant with our son, our first child, she was becoming frustrated that he was considerably overdue, and sent me a text while I was at work along the following lines:

“I’m just going out for a long walk. Hopefully that will make the baby get a move on”.

I was short on time as I was heading into a meeting, so I simply replied “I hope it does”.

Except I didn’t.

You see, the letters ‘I’ and ‘O’ conveniently sit next to one another on a qwerty keyboard, so it’s quite easy for a clumsy bàstard like me to hit the wrong key. Of course, that changes the meaning of the sentence somewhat. What I actually sent her was:

“I hope it dies”.

And then I promptly put my phone away, went into my meeting and didn’t look at my phone again for another two or three hours. By which point, as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset about by my apparent about turn with regard to our decision to have a baby.

Took some explaining, that one.

Quoted from Poojah

True story. When my wife was pregnant with our son, our first child, she was becoming frustrated that he was considerably overdue, and sent me a text while I was at work along the following lines:

“I’m just going out for a long walk. Hopefully that will make the baby get a move on”.

I was short on time as I was heading into a meeting, so I simply replied “I hope it does”.

Except I didn’t.

You see, the letters ‘I’ and ‘O’ conveniently sit next to one another on a qwerty keyboard, so it’s quite easy for a clumsy bàstard like me to hit the wrong key. Of course, that changes the meaning of the sentence somewhat. What I actually sent her was:

“I hope it dies”.

And then I promptly put my phone away, went into my meeting and didn’t look at my phone again for another two or three hours. By which point, as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset about by my apparent about turn with regard to our decision to have a baby.

Took some explaining, that one.

That’s a good one, Poojah!

Quoted from Poojah

True story. When my wife was pregnant with our son, our first child, she was becoming frustrated that he was considerably overdue, and sent me a text while I was at work along the following lines:

“I’m just going out for a long walk. Hopefully that will make the baby get a move on”.

I was short on time as I was heading into a meeting, so I simply replied “I hope it does”.

Except I didn’t.

You see, the letters ‘I’ and ‘O’ conveniently sit next to one another on a qwerty keyboard, so it’s quite easy for a clumsy bàstard like me to hit the wrong key. Of course, that changes the meaning of the sentence somewhat. What I actually sent her was:

“I hope it dies”.

And then I promptly put my phone away, went into my meeting and didn’t look at my phone again for another two or three hours. By which point, as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset about by my apparent about turn with regard to our decision to have a baby.

Took some explaining, that one.

doh

Quoted from Poojah

True story. When my wife was pregnant with our son, our first child, she was becoming frustrated that he was considerably overdue, and sent me a text while I was at work along the following lines:

“I’m just going out for a long walk. Hopefully that will make the baby get a move on”.

I was short on time as I was heading into a meeting, so I simply replied “I hope it does”.

Except I didn’t.

You see, the letters ‘I’ and ‘O’ conveniently sit next to one another on a qwerty keyboard, so it’s quite easy for a clumsy bàstard like me to hit the wrong key. Of course, that changes the meaning of the sentence somewhat. What I actually sent her was:

“I hope it dies”.

And then I promptly put my phone away, went into my meeting and didn’t look at my phone again for another two or three hours. By which point, as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset about by my apparent about turn with regard to our decision to have a baby.

Took some explaining, that one.

The best thing about funny stories are the ones that are true. Thank you for sharing that. :K) :K)

Quoted from Poojah

True story. When my wife was pregnant with our son, our first child, she was becoming frustrated that he was considerably overdue, and sent me a text while I was at work along the following lines:

“I’m just going out for a long walk. Hopefully that will make the baby get a move on”.

I was short on time as I was heading into a meeting, so I simply replied “I hope it does”.

Except I didn’t.

You see, the letters ‘I’ and ‘O’ conveniently sit next to one another on a qwerty keyboard, so it’s quite easy for a clumsy bàstard like me to hit the wrong key. Of course, that changes the meaning of the sentence somewhat. What I actually sent her was:

“I hope it dies”.

And then I promptly put my phone away, went into my meeting and didn’t look at my phone again for another two or three hours. By which point, as you can imagine, she was more than a little upset about by my apparent about turn with regard to our decision to have a baby.

Took some explaining, that one.

Kind of related, When I was in Afghan, I cut my head in the stationery cupboard, so I took a picture and sent it to my Mrs saying that I had been shot at and it had skimmed my head, at the moment all communication was shut down due to Op Minimise. This is when there are serious injuries or deaths and all the lines of communication back home are shut off, to prevent any names from being leaked back home so the families could be notified correctly.

This Op Minimise was a big one which meant the lines were down for 2-3 days, and I had no way of explaining that I hadn't been shot or injured and that I had cut my head getting a stapler!

She was fuming.

https://twitter.com/Lewis17J/status/1440394048901054487

Quoted from TheRealJohnLewis

Kind of related, When I was in Afghan, I cut my head in the stationery cupboard, so I took a picture and sent it to my Mrs saying that I had been shot at and it had skimmed my head, at the moment all communication was shut down due to Op Minimise. This is when there are serious injuries or deaths and all the lines of communication back home are shut off, to prevent any names from being leaked back home so the families could be notified correctly.

This Op Minimise was a big one which meant the lines were down for 2-3 days, and I had no way of explaining that I hadn't been shot or injured and that I had cut my head getting a stapler!

She was fuming.

https://twitter.com/Lewis17J/status/1440394048901054487

I had a bad car accident a few years ago and a couple of colleagues drove past my car without fully appreciating it could be me. 8:40 came and I wasn't there so someone came back as I was sat on the roadside in a very bad way. He must have rang back to the office and they finally managed to dig out my HR record to ring my wife.

"Oh he's not that bad, he's just crashed his car and gone to Grimsby Hospital to be checked over."

Wife gets to hospital and is taken straight into the family room whilst I'm being tidied up in resus with 11 doctors and nurses around me.

Freudian slips can be so embarrassing.

Just the other day at breakfast I meant to say to the wife ‘

Could you pass me the salt darling’.

What actually came out was

You’ve totally ruined the last 30 years of my life you fat cow.

Whoops 😬

Quoted from Civvy at last

Freudian slips can be so embarrassing.

Just the other day at breakfast I meant to say to the wife ‘

Could you pass me the salt darling’.

What actually came out was

You’ve totally ruined the last 30 years of my life you fat cow.

Whoops 😬

Pouring salt on your breakfast; tut tut. Don’t expect to live another 30…

Quoted from TheRealJohnLewis

Kind of related, When I was in Afghan, I cut my head in the stationery cupboard, so I took a picture and sent it to my Mrs saying that I had been shot at and it had skimmed my head, at the moment all communication was shut down due to Op Minimise. This is when there are serious injuries or deaths and all the lines of communication back home are shut off, to prevent any names from being leaked back home so the families could be notified correctly.

This Op Minimise was a big one which meant the lines were down for 2-3 days, and I had no way of explaining that I hadn't been shot or injured and that I had cut my head getting a stapler!

She was fuming.

https://twitter.com/Lewis17J/status/1440394048901054487

If you'd been a Yank you'd have got a Purple Heart.

Just jealous because you found out that Ollie's Marine bullet scar is a real one !!

How many relatives did you scare with the hanging open phone at Camp Bastion with missiles coming in, though ???

Quoted from KingstonMariner

If you'd been a Yank you'd have got a Purple Heart.

I think you want to be on the Maidenhead away end thread. Ah hang on, no, that's a purple helmet.

Quoted from Poojah

I think you want to be on the Maidenhead away end thread. Ah hang on, no, that's a purple helmet.

To be fair to you I did say “yank”

I was babysitting my 2 young daughters many years ago whilst my wife was at work.  I know you can't babysit your own children but heh ho.

I bent down to fill the cat bowl and then stood up quickly (forgetting that the cupboard  was open above.  This had a sharp metal edge).  It cut my head, causing bleeding and swear words young girls should not hear. No photo available. I had to drive to A&E "escorted" by my daughters I was supposed to be looking after.

The doctor asked them (not me) if I had been knocked out after the accident.  I hadn't.   They glued my head.  My wife was not amused.

....................................................................

Serving in the RAF in Germany late 1970s.  An airmen was distraught to get a telegram from home.    (A telegram is like a text but it takes days longer to arrive and sent by the Post Office).

The telegram talked about domestic trivia but was signed off with "MUM DEAD".  The airman thought that this some casual way of giving him very tragic news when he was serving abroad.

Investigations got to the bottom of it:   The telegram had been signed "Mum and Dad".  The Post Office had managed in their wisdom to corrupt this innocuous signing off wording into something terrible.