Me...the next "Football Twit of the Week"

A few years ago when I came up for a match with my granddaughter I said we will pick up a sports telegraph after the game.

We got our fish and chips and parked outside the paper shop.

After sitting outside shop it got to 6.30pm and I said it should have arrived by now , we had been looking for the telegraph van for an hour !!!

I then decided to go into shop and ask what time the paper arrives.

The man look at me then look at another customer as if I was mad or something.

He then said ' they stopped printing that  2. Years ago.' !!!

In my defence I said  'oh I live in Suffolk '. And quickly made my exit.

Non football

But I booked a holiday to Ibiza with my ex... the day before we was flying we thought we'd just check our tickets etc and start to pack.. turns out I f**ked up with the dates and we was due to fly in 30mins!
Long story short and many tears later she managed to get us on a flight that left from Cardiff (instead of bristol) which left in 4 hours time - it cost me a further £150 plus paying for someone to take us as we couldn't leave the car as we'd be coming back home to Bristol airport! We had literally 20mins to pack our cases  

Turned up for work on a bank holiday Monday more than once.

I use that one all the time with the mrs.

The amount of games this season that town have played next goal wins is remarkable

Working at Humberside Airport, I turned up for a shift starting at 5am, only for me to get a funny look from my work colleague.

'What the intercourse are you doing here? You've booked the week off!'

Back home and in bed for 5.30am lol

And I thought I was the only one. My god are there any sane GTFC supporters?!! No I thought not!! #UTM

Reminds of our 2016 play off game..rocking up to Wembley bumped into a group of Middlesbrough fans...asked why they were there, to which they replied "we've got a play off game"..they weren't best impressed when I informed them they were playing the following week!!..

My first posting in the RAF was at High Wycombe.  I had been late a couple of times and my Sgt. (Ernie Ferris - top bloke) called me into his office.   He told me he should really charge me but that he would give me another chance.  However, I had to do an extra week of "earlies". That meant getting in about 90 mins earlier than usual to collect and distribute the signals.  I told the lads in my room that I needed an early night otherwise I could be in deep trouble.  They were stewards and worked nights, so they usually came in late.  They obviously entered quietly because I didn't stir when they arrived. I woke up to my alarm and got ready for work on that cold, dark winter morning.   I plodded wearily to the mess only to find that breakfast wasn't ready.  "Lazy buggers", i mumbled.  I trundled off to the newsagents only to find it closed and wondered if it was a 'Southern' thing opening so late. I walked to work, rang the bell at the signals department, and waited.  A bleary-eyed bloke undid the hatch, and I told I wanted the signals for my office.  "Have you drunk your bed," he replied.   Then he told me the time.  The lads in my room had put every clock in the room forward two hours, including my wrist watch, which I slept in. sodomist.  A good practical joke that soon went around the base as the signallers switched shifts and retold it in the mess.