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some highlights of yesterday's meeting at BP

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forza ivano
January 16, 2021, 11:10am

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My 'mole' was able to give me an inside view of yesterday's meeting between the Holy Trinity and the old guard (allegedly, obviously)

Things didn't get off to the greatest of starts as the boys from the smoke parked their lamborghini and Maserati SUV's a bit too close to JSF's 5 year old Range Rover.
'You'll have to move lads, don't want my motor being scratched. That cost £85,000 don't you know?'

The schedule then slipped further as no-one had brought keys to BP (all staff having been furloughed). Whilst Ian Fleming was being summoned to bring his spare key, the consortium were treated to a tour of the exterior to BP, which resulted in an unfortunate incident with Jason Stockwood's Manolo Blahnik boots being ruined as they traversed Dog Shiit Alley.

Ian Fleming had unlocked by the time they got back. 'Anything else you need boss?' Fleming asked. Fenty advised that he could come back later to empty the bins. Mark Palmer was impressed by his enthusiasm.
'what does Ian do?' he enquired. An uncomfortable silence ensued as JSF looked at Day and Day looked at Fenty, before both shrugged their shoulders.

'This is the entrance hall, and over to the right is the corner where the Board have very graciously voted to erect an 8 foot statue of the club's major benefactor over the last 15-20 years' JSF modestly informed them. Dave Roberts and Jon Wood looked at each other and rolled their eyes

They then moved to the ticket office where Day, Fenty, Wood & Roberts were able to lift the giant season ticket ledger for the Holy Trinity to view. 'Great system' said JSF , 'no problems with power outages, or viruses, with this system' he acclaimed triumphantly.
'As you can see it starts in 1898, right up to the present day. Of course we've kept it updated;  Steve has been using a biro for the last 5 years, but there's the fountain pen and ink, in case he breaks his biro. Always got to have a back up system, haven't you? he winked at Pettit.
Suitably impressed the group moved pitch side.
Fenty swiftly moved to stop them treading on the hallowed turf. 'wouldn't want you ruining your shoes, it's like a WW1 battlefield out there. Waste of time trying to improve it as the shower of shiite we've got at the moment couldn't play if it was a Crown bowls green'.
The group were then given binoculars to study the floodlights. 'If you look at that one on the right, then f ocus on the 4th row and look at the third bulb in. Got it? Well that's the one i changed. Bloody sparky was going to charge me £50 so i did the thing myself.
Do you want me to show you where all the stuff is so you can do it when you take over?' Fenty was surprised by their reluctance'
No? OK, maybe next time then?'
The visit to the Trophy Room was unexpectedly foreshortened immediately after Mr Pettit had remarked that it was an impressive collection of silverware, but was struck by the lack of trophies from the last 20 years. Fenty was heard muttering something about ITV Digital as the ushered them out.

They ended up with drinks in the inner sanctum of the Director's bar. 'this is one of the perks lads.Here you can drink with only exclusively invited high calibre guests' said JSF as he relaxed in his turtle neck sweater cum snood, his tan leather jacket and Top Man loafers. There was a chilly moment after Jason Stockwood had jokingly referred to serial fraudsters and ticket touts as hardly being exclusive, high calibre people.
JSF ended by giving them a 30 minute Power point presentation on how best to run a successful football club. The consortiums' notebooks stayed mysteriously shut.

As usual, as befits the reign of JSF, things that had been going so well, ended in utter disaster. He decided to take Stockwood and Pettit aside ' I know Phillip's a bit of an old duffer, but he used to be a solicitor, so he's going to be pretty useful for you. he's helped me no end in writing threatening emails and letters to the idiots who say that my reign has been an unmitigated disaster. Trolls and tyre kickers i call 'em - bloody tyre kickers are the bain of my life'

It was left to Dave Roberts to explain to him that Stockwood and Pettit were actually business partners of Tom 'Tyrekicker' Shutes, as the pair sped away towards to London without a backward glance.......
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realist
January 16, 2021, 11:18am
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Brilliant. Cheered me up no end.
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Madeleymariner
January 16, 2021, 11:49am

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Nice, cruel but nice
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smokey111
January 16, 2021, 12:06pm
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Superb!!! You should be writing for Private Eye.


"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
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RonMariner
January 16, 2021, 12:16pm

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Brilliant.

But probably not far from the truth!
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TownSNAFU5
January 16, 2021, 12:20pm
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You only get material like John Fenty to work with once in a lifetime.  Deconstructing a kid’s flag anyone?
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KingstonMariner
January 16, 2021, 12:22pm
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The sad thing is, I bet that's not far from the truth.


Through the door there came familiar laughter,
I saw your face and heard you call my name.
Oh my friend we're older but no wiser,
For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
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oochiad
January 16, 2021, 12:26pm
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I totally believed it until the bit about the lights, we do actually have new ones!!......
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smokey111
January 16, 2021, 12:26pm
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Quoted from TownSNAFU5
You only get material like John Fenty to work with once in a lifetime.  Deconstructing a kid’s flag anyone?


Unfortunately, the gift that keeps giving. Genuinely has a fly on the wall mockumentary written all over it.


"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
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Heswall Mariner
January 16, 2021, 12:34pm

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Nice one Forza.
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Fishy Forum Fishy Boards The New Fishy › some highlights of yesterday's meeting at BP

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