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its a funny old game

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aaron rattray
March 1, 2012, 1:13pm
allright viewers?
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we have been sent home early because the fire alarm went off 3 times in 54 minutes so i thought this would be a great time to prove that i am a great comedian here gos,

i was driving in my car the other day and i was following a lorry with a heavy load of marble chips and the load fell onto the road in front of my car so i phoned my wife to say that the windscreen had been chipped

the gist of it is to ask to shake someones hand as they are shaking your hand ask them if they are scared of yo, if they say no say to them why are you shaking then

yesterday i got told off got given detention but i told my teacher im not here and she said yes you are so i said am in scotland? she said no then i said am in london? and she said no then i said well if im not there i must be somewhere else then right she said yes so i said exactly so im not here

i was following a magic tractor the other day on the way home from school, it turned into a field

how do you know when your laptop has been stolen? when you want it it isnt there

when you get asked for ID to prove who you are just pull out a mirror and look at yourself and say yep its definately me

imagaine being a footballer sponsered by virgin and you have never scored

why does the river mersey run through liverpool? because if it walked it shall get mugged

liverpool should make some fairly liqud because they seem to be great at removing scum from cups

david de gea was about to hand in a a transfer request but he dropped it

michael own has moved durng the transfer window, we seats to the left but hes still on the bench

go on then how many made you laugh, i said i had potential

move to non footy board if you want mods


i am a season ticket holder and i always will be one  


"aaron is the next michael barrymore, hes a comedinan"

it is official, i am a comedian

]
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Biccys
March 1, 2012, 1:14pm
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Dear god.


11,167

76,962

@biccysthefishy

£110,105

[url]https://www.easyfundraising.org.uk/causes/mariners-trust/[/url]
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aaron rattray
March 1, 2012, 1:23pm
allright viewers?
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Quoted from Biccys
Dear god.


funny eh?


i am a season ticket holder and i always will be one  


"aaron is the next michael barrymore, hes a comedinan"

it is official, i am a comedian

]
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American Mariner
March 1, 2012, 1:29pm
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What is the world coming to when we let people like Aaron Rattray loose in it? LOL
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SlouchyMetal
March 1, 2012, 1:49pm
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I'd post some proper jokes, but i'd get banned


Party on Wayne
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Bullitt
March 1, 2012, 1:50pm
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It's times like this we need another plague.
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Bullitt
March 1, 2012, 1:51pm
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And I just realised that he didn't even spell of word the jokes right, if I was your teacher/ parents I would be ashamed of spelling and grammar like that from a supposed 15 year old.
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Rodley Mariner
March 1, 2012, 1:54pm
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Quoted from 2075
And I just realised that he didn't even spell of word the jokes right, if I was your teacher/ parents I would be ashamed of spelling and grammar like that from a supposed 15 year old.


If you're going to pick people up on spelling and grammar you might want to have a quick proof-read before posting.
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Bullitt
March 1, 2012, 1:55pm
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Quoted from Rodley Mariner


If you're going to pick people up on spelling and grammar you might want to have a quick proof-read before posting.


Yes, you noticed my error! That's what I get for letting my phone finish words for me  

And I would edit it, but I really cannot be arsed.
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Les Brechin
March 1, 2012, 2:06pm

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About as funny as pulling teeth out with a pair of pliers.  


[img]https://news.images.itv.com/image/file/402260/image_update_img.jpg[/img]
OFFICIAL FUNDRAISER FOR THE BRAIN TUMOUR CHARITY
TOTAL AMOUNT RAISED SINCE AUGUST 2008 £16613.24

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Bullitt
March 1, 2012, 2:09pm
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Quoted from Les Brechin
About as funny as pulling teeth out with a pair of pliers.  


You obviously haven't been using the right set of pliers, it can be a right laugh.
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aaron rattray
March 1, 2012, 5:12pm
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is there anybody who likes any of them jokes?


i am a season ticket holder and i always will be one  


"aaron is the next michael barrymore, hes a comedinan"

it is official, i am a comedian

]
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grimsby pete
March 1, 2012, 5:38pm

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Yes, I thought they were very very funny Aarron.
  







Every comedian has to start some where,


                             Over 37 years living in Suffolk but always a mariner.
                             69 Years following the Town

                              Life member of Trust

                               First game   April 1955
                               
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kingofthekippers
March 1, 2012, 9:42pm
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Is there an internet equivelent of one of those long sticks with a hook on the end that they used to use to remove bad acts off the stage?

I'm afraid you need a little help with your material aaron. Might impress a class of 15 year-olds (which I doubt) but as I recall so does using the word 'girl private' in front of your teacher.

Mind you it wasn't funny either as I realised during the following detentions.


Mr McGee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
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grimsbyreaper
March 2, 2012, 11:21am
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As funny as syphilis


I thought I had seen the end of the world. Desolation, Isolation, Destruction, Mutants and the end of Civilisation.
Turns out bloody Tom Tom had directed me through Scunthorpe City Centre.
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lukeo
March 2, 2012, 11:23am
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Aaron I've got a good one for you ....

Go up to your teacher and ask her if you can give her a motorboat, you'll get a golden star!
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davmariner
March 7, 2012, 9:58am
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Jesus wept...


Up The Mariners!
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moosey_club
March 8, 2012, 11:21pm
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with material like that Aaron i am pretty sure it wont be long until you are appearing on stage............................sweeping up when every othere fvcker has gone home!!


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Les Brechin
March 9, 2012, 12:12pm

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Quoted from moosey_club
with material like that Aaron i am pretty sure it wont be long until you are appearing on stage............................sweeping up when every othere fvcker has gone home!!


Maybe that's what a comedinan (sic) is, which is what Aaron's supposed to be according to his signature.  


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OFFICIAL FUNDRAISER FOR THE BRAIN TUMOUR CHARITY
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