2024/25 fixture release day, 26 June, 9am

oo excellent, I'll have me phone whilst out in Frankfurt for the euros

Quoted from Hagrid

oo excellent, I'll have me phone whilst out in Frankfurt for the euros

True story, almost died twice in the space of about 30 seconds in Frankfurt. Warning: a long and irrelevant post follows.

Following a particularly painful day of meetings with some German colleagues, I was on the lookout for somewhere that sold some decent beer. They don’t drink beer much in Frankfurt, it’s all apfelwein (apple wine), so I had found myself, along with a mate from work, slightly off the beaten track looking for the nearby Paulaner bar.

As we walked across a little square in the centre of Frankfurt, I clocked four or five trampish looking blokes stood by a bin, pulling out wine bottles, of which they had a good few down by their feet. “They’re gonna throw them at us”, I says to my mate. “Are they bóllocks”, he says, and with that, it started raining empty wine bottles.

Now these cúnts had clearly done this before, because their accuracy was impressive - from all of 30 yards. I felt a couple whoosh right over my head, before one whacked me right in the shoulder blade, but didn’t smash (had a great big fúcking bruise, mind). In terms of a fight or flight response, it didn’t seem to be the time to be throwing hands at a group of bottle-wielding German-Albanians, so we went with flight instead and legged it into and through a small indoor precinct and out onto the road the other side.

Given the urgency not to have our heads caved in by missiles of flying glass, both my mate and I had somewhat forgotten our green cross code at this point. As we exited the precinct and attempted to cross the road, we were greeted by the sound of screeching tires, as this fúcking BMW (of course it was) went speeding straight through the middle of the two of us. It must have missed us by millimetres on either side; we were impossibly lucky. Oh, the heart was pumping now, and something else was twitching.

We did finally arrive at the Paulaner bar, only to find it was closing. Fortunately, the friendly waitress did direct us to a place her friend worked just across the road, that would be open until the early hours. Of course, it was a brothel, and a particularly nasty looking one at that. As much as a blowjob would have calmed my nerves at that point, we decided it was probably best to give it a swerve and head back to the hotel bar and have some apfelwein after all. All that and still didn’t manage a nice, cold pint.

So, yeah, interesting place Frankfurt. Unlike Munich or Berlin, there’s not a lot of historic architecture there. I did question this with one of my German colleagues. “Zer used to be”, he said, “but ze British and ze Americans flattened it during ze var”. I did point out that they started it, but it was awkward nonetheless. Engländers, or schweinhunds, are not all that well liked in Frankfurt; something to keep in mind.

Anyway, that’s enough meandering “cool story bro” from me. Enjoy your trip.

Quoted from Poojah

True story, almost died twice in the space of about 30 seconds in Frankfurt. Warning: a long and irrelevant post follows.

Following a particularly painful day of meetings with some German colleagues, I was on the lookout for somewhere that sold some decent beer. They don’t drink beer much in Frankfurt, it’s all apfelwein (apple wine), so I had found myself, along with a mate from work, slightly off the beaten track looking for the nearby Paulaner bar.

As we walked across a little square in the centre of Frankfurt, I clocked four or five trampish looking blokes stood by a bin, pulling out wine bottles, of which they had a good few down by their feet. “They’re gonna throw them at us”, I says to my mate. “Are they bóllocks”, he says, and with that, it started raining empty wine bottles.

Now these cúnts had clearly done this before, because their accuracy was impressive - from all of 30 yards. I felt a couple whoosh right over my head, before one whacked me right in the shoulder blade, but didn’t smash (had a great big fúcking bruise, mind). In terms of a fight or flight response, it didn’t seem to be the time to be throwing hands at a group of bottle-wielding German-Albanians, so we went with flight instead and legged it into and through a small indoor precinct and out onto the road the other side.

Given the urgency not to have our heads caved in by missiles of flying glass, both my mate and I had somewhat forgotten our green cross code at this point. As we exited the precinct and attempted to cross the road, we were greeted by the sound of screeching tires, as this fúcking BMW (of course it was) went speeding straight through the middle of the two of us. It must have missed us by millimetres on either side; we were impossibly lucky. Oh, the heart was pumping now, and something else was twitching.

We did finally arrive at the Paulaner bar, only to find it was closing. Fortunately, the friendly waitress did direct us to a place her friend worked just across the road, that would be open until the early hours. Of course, it was a brothel, and a particularly nasty looking one at that. As much as a blowjob would have calmed my nerves at that point, we decided it was probably best to give it a swerve and head back to the hotel bar and have some apfelwein after all. All that and still didn’t manage a nice, cold pint.

So, yeah, interesting place Frankfurt. Unlike Munich or Berlin, there’s not a lot of historic architecture there. I did question this with one of my German colleagues. “Zer used to be”, he said, “but ze British and ze Americans flattened it during ze var”. I did point out that they started it, but it was awkward nonetheless. Engländers, or schweinhunds, are not all that well liked in Frankfurt; something to keep in mind.

Anyway, that’s enough meandering “cool story bro” from me. Enjoy your trip.

Yes i've heard the area around the Train station isnt the most desirable!!

Quoted from Hagrid

Yes i've heard the area around the Train station isnt the most desirable!!

To be fair I was only there for 48 hours and most of that time was spent in an office building (not fair from the station in fairness). Bits of it, like the “Mainehattan” financial district were quite nice. It will be a very different vibe when England are there there in the Euros.

P.s. don’t forget to give the green sauce a try!

I had a night in Frankfurt airport after we missed a connection to Prague on a stag do.

Loads of beer at the airport bar we were at. A lot less after the 15 of us had finished. It was a free bar paid for by the airline who had messed up, we were the messed up ones by the end of the night!!