Trendy, right on, Guardian reader me....

Was conforming to the Guardian reader norm today (as opposed to Bladerunner's rabid type ) and turning my old Guardians into paper briquettes for our coal fire this winter. Simple process really, tearing up the paper and turning it into a papier mache type pulp in water, then squeezing it in my paper briquette making machine (purchased from the Guardian a few years back) I've always felt a contented, even smug, satisfaction at recycling my old papers thus. However, there haven't been enough to make a decent stockpile for winter so my wife has been asking her friends to save us their old papers as well. Joy of joys when we discovered they all read either the Mail, Express or Telegraph. So now, when the fire's burning away brightly I no longer need to feel smug any more, I can think "Burn you Tory scum press!" Can't wait for the first blizzard......

I bet you eat houmous and drink real ale  . I suspect you also have a bushy beard, wear an old panama hat and watch re-runs of Open University programmes from 1976 on a betamax recorder.

The Mail is quite a good burner (all that gas within it helps and there is a lot of fat on Richard Littlejohn) but the Express is not so good; it gives off a lot of light but little heat.