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Cheer up X'mas shopping

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Civvy at last
December 24, 2009, 8:51am

Barley Wine Drinker
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Merry Chrimbo and all that to all.

Hoping Biccy's will show some Chrimbo spirit and let me get away with a non footy thread (to provide some X'mas Cheer).
For those of you getting dragged round the shops later today please see below.

Disclaimer:

This post is in no way intended to give anyone any michevious idea's and is purely for information only  

A letter sent to the currant applicant for Mrs Civvy from Tessy's

Dear Mrs Civvy
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco
Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Grimsby is considering
Banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your
Boyfriendstops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by
Our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15 : Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals
3. July 7 : Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
Feminine products aisle.
4. July 19 : Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
Tone, 'Code 3' in housewares.... And watched what happened.
5. August 14 : Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 15 : Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department
And told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages
And a Calor gas stove.
7. September 23 : When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help
Him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me
Alone?'
8. October 4 : Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
Mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10 : While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
Antidepressants were.
10. December 3 : Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
The Mission Impossible' theme.
11. December 6 : In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the 'MadonnaLook using different size funnels.
12.. December 18 : Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,
Yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
13. December 21 : When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
Assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices
Again.' And; last, but not least:
14. December 23 : Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
While; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper


Hope this has given you a Chrimbo smile.

Have a good one all.

Civvy  


The wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I jokingly remarked  'I don't know whether to spend it watching porn or watching football'
'you may as well spend it watching porn' she replied
That's understanding darling what makes you say that? I asked

She said 'Well you already know how to play football'  
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Lord Sommet
December 24, 2009, 8:54am
Never Forgive, Never Forget
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Cheers Civvy

That's cheered me up while getting ready to go to work.
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Marinerz93
December 24, 2009, 9:36am

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Sounds like my last assessment from work  


Supporting the Mighty Mariners for over 30 years, home town club is were the heart and soul is and it's great to be a part of it.

Jesus’ disciple Peter, picked up a fish to get the tribute money from it, Jesus left his thumb print on the fish, bless'ed is the Haddock.
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dazwev
December 24, 2009, 9:49am

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<*))))))><
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Rhys_Mariners
December 24, 2009, 1:56pm
Fine Wine Drinker
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Decent  
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batman
December 24, 2009, 2:03pm
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that is genius, im still laughing haha!
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mariner91
December 24, 2009, 2:05pm
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I quite like this and I might try some of them during the January sales....
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BIGChris
December 24, 2009, 2:15pm
Season Ticket Holder
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Excellent
1 , 3, 9 & 14 particually appealed
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