Records you bought....

But would never play again.     

Billy don't be a hero - Black Lace

Ernie (fastest milkman in the West) Benny Hill

Quoted from Civvy at last

But would never play again.     

Billy don't be a hero - Black Lace

Ernie (fastest milkman in the West) Benny Hill

I'm sorry Civvy but Ernie is one of the greatest song lyrics of all time. I mean who else could get away with:

He said do you want it pasteurised
Cos pasteurised is best
She said "Ernie I'd be happy if it come up to me chest"

How about "My Heart Will Go On" ?????

Hole in My Shoe by Neil

Quoted from barralad

I'm sorry Civvy but Ernie is one of the greatest song lyrics of all time. I mean who else could get away with:

He said do you want it pasteurised
Cos pasteurised is best
She said "Ernie I'd be happy if it come up to me chest"

How about "My Heart Will Go On" ?????

Well that tickled old Ernie.

The B side to that is called "Ting a ling a loo"  Which contains the emortal line.  We fought and beat the Germans, coz we knew just what to do. We stuck our fingers in our ears and went "Ting a ling a loo".  

They don't make em like that any more  

Wasn't Ernie the Christmas number one of 1971?

Must be better than the manufactured X-Factor shite we have now that gets there year after year.

no heroes by converge
some studio album ive got by bad manners - only really any good live IMO

Hooray, Hooray, Its a Holi-Holiday - Boney M on green 12"vinyl.

Ernie was a great song, it was a hit again in 1992 when Benny died.

They certainly don't write lyrics like this anymore.

You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground,
And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round.
And he galloped into market street, his badge upon his chest,
His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue,
She lived all alone in Lilley Lane at number 22.
They said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic,
But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week.

They called him Ernie, (Ernie),
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart,"
And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up his cart.
He said, "D'you want it pasturized?  'Cause pasturized is best,"
She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."

That tickled old Ernie, (Ernie),
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

Now Ernie had a rival, an evil-looking man,
Called Two-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker's van.
He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread,
And when she seen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head.

She nearly swooned at his macaroon and he said, "If you treat me right,
You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night."
He knew once she sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way,
And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day.

Poor Ernie, (Ernie),
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

One lunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door,
It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four.
And as he lept down from his van hot blood through his veins did course,
And he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his 'orse.

Whose name was Trigger, (Trigger),
And he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west.

Now Ernie rushed out into the street, his gold top in his hand,
He said, "If you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man."
"Oh why don't we play cards for her?" he sneeringly replied,
"And just to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the side."

Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun,
They stood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun.
But Ernie was too quick, things didn't go the way Ted planned,
And a strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his hand.

Now Susie ran between them and tried to keep them apart,
As Ernie, he pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart.
And he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust,
Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust.

Poor Ernie, (Ernie),
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

Ernie was only 52, he didn't wanna die,
And now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky.
Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned,
And the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land.

But a woman's needs are many fold and Sue, she married Ted,
But strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed.
Was that the trees a-rustling?  Or the hinges of the gate?
Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their crate?

They won't forget Ernie, (Ernie),
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

Hello viewers!

The song was written as a result of Hill's time spent as a milkman in Hampshire and featured on his early colour shows for ITV. The character 'Two-ton Ted from Teddington' was so-named as the show was recorded at the former Thames' studios at Teddington.

The promotional film (they weren't called videos in those days) starred Hill as Ernie and Henry McGee as Ted.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufYcZ0lfD00[/url]

Ant and Dec - We're on the Ball in 2002