It's finally happened and your unique insight into the world of football and how it's played has been recognised. You've just got off the phone with Messrs Stockwoods and Petits.

They mention your multiple post of the week awards on the fishy as being mightily impressive and have asked you to lead on the recruitment of the next Manager/Head Coach/Spherical Lifestyle Guru.

What are your top three qualities/skills/accomplishments you want from the successful candidate?

E.g.
1. Eats haddock not cod
2. Believes winning is the result of instilling the right culture
3. Focuses on their own tactics rather than the opponents

Deaf, so he wouldn’t have to suffer the inevitable brain rot associated with standing in front of the Main Stand

Quoted from ska face

Deaf, so he wouldn’t have to suffer the inevitable brain rot associated with standing in front of the Main Stand

And the other two qualities?

Quoted from ska face

Deaf, so he wouldn’t have to suffer the inevitable brain rot associated with standing in front of the Main Stand

Out of interest is this not the Normal at all football grounds the people with most desire to be heard always gather where they believe will get the biggest reaction

Attacking entertaining football
Attacking entertaining football
Attacking entertaining football

Quoted from toontown

And the other two qualities?

10-incher and must like scotch eggs.

Quoted from ska face

10-incher and must like scotch eggs.

So haddock rather than Cod not even a factor for you then?

1) Appreciate the flavours of a beetroot sandwich

2) Struggle to fit in XXXXXL replica top

3) Once 1) has been spilled down the front of 2) keep wearing regardless.

They must know when to switch play and shout “Switch It” regularly.

Must also wear a hat. We’ve had Slade in his baseball cap and Holloway in his baker boy flat cap. Now let’s have a manager with a bit more hat sense. A solid Homberg would be great, a powder blue felt Stetson perfect, but I’d settle for a nice fedora a la Big Malc.

Quoted from toontown

So haddock rather than Cod not even a factor for you then?

That’s what I meant by 10-incher: a Steel’s jumbo haddock.

What did you think I meant?!

Start with the basics and build from there:

Getting the team to take decent free kicks consistently, taking corners that beat the first man and do not go straight to the keeper.  And making passes to a teammate for at least 5 successful passes.

These football skills rarely happen for the team at present.

Quoted from Theimperialcoroner

They must know when to switch play and shout “Switch It” regularly.

Must also wear a hat. We’ve had Slade in his baseball cap and Holloway in his baker boy flat cap. Now let’s have a manager with a bit more hat sense. A solid Homberg would be great, a powder blue felt Stetson perfect, but I’d settle for a nice fedora a la Big Malc.

Most of our recent managers should've worn a fez, bar Hurst, they've been comedians!!..

Quoted from Northbank Mariner

Most of our recent managers should've worn a fez, bar Hurst, they've been comedians!!..

You mean like most posters on here 🤔

Quoted from ska face

That’s what I meant by 10-incher: a Steel’s jumbo haddock.

What did you think I meant?!

Well let's just say I was surprised your 3rd criteria wasn't access to a tramp outfit...

Quoted from Balthazar Bullitt

It's finally happened and your unique insight into the world of football and how it's played has been recognised. You've just got off the phone with Messrs Stockwoods and Petits.

They mention your multiple post of the week awards on the fishy as being mightily impressive and have asked you to lead on the recruitment of the next Manager/Head Coach/Spherical Lifestyle Guru.

What are your top three qualities/skills/accomplishments you want from the successful candidate?

E.g.
1. Eats haddock not cod
2. Believes winning is the result of instilling the right culture
3. Focuses on their own tactics rather than the opponents

Plus 4. Must talk with an Irish accent.  ;D

1. Acknowledge their errors not make excuses
2. Name check a Fishy poster in every press conference
3. Achieve a 70% win rate as a minimum