Fenty makes Private Eye!!

Quoted from Southwark Mariner

Next stop, Have I Got News For You!!

Jo Brand: On this week’s ‘Odd One Out’ round...

Benign lender...John Shelton Fenty...
Thomas Edison,
Humphry Davy, and
Joseph Swan

Merton: Is this abaaat breaking things? A swan can break yer arm. Edison broke, I dunno, lightbulbs. Fenty broke a child’s flaaaagg...and a football club.

Brand: You’re close Paul.

Hislop: Is it that each of Edison, Davy and Swan we’re credited or miscredited with inventing the lightbulb? But John Shelton Fenty is famous for scaling floodlights to change lightbulbs?

Brand: Well done Ian. 3 points

Merton: That’s 3 more points than Grimsby have had in a while!

Hislop: Apart from Fenty’s driving licence! There’s usually at least 9 on there

Brand: Allegedly

Hislop: Allegedly

Quoted from Knut Anders Fosters Voles

Jo Brand: On this week’s ‘Odd One Out’ round...

Benign lender...John Shelton Fenty...
Thomas Edison,
Humphry Davy, and
Joseph Swan

Merton: Is this abaaat breaking things? A swan can break yer arm. Edison broke, I dunno, lightbulbs. Fenty broke a child’s flaaaagg...and a football club.

Brand: You’re close Paul.

Hislop: Is it that each of Edison, Davy and Swan we’re credited or miscredited with inventing the lightbulb? But John Shelton Fenty is famous for scaling floodlights to change lightbulbs?

Brand: Well done Ian. 3 points

Merton: That’s 3 more points than Grimsby have had in a while!

Hislop: Apart from Fenty’s driving licence! There’s usually at least 9 on there

Brand: Allegedly

Hislop: Allegedly

👏 more consistent than Town, you.

My copy arrived today, I have a subsciption, I did wonder if it would turn up, will have to get it out of its wrapping now and have a look.

Quoted from Madeleymariner

My copy arrived today, I have a subsciption, I did wonder if it would turn up, will have to get it out of its wrapping now and have a look.

What about the magazine?

Jo Brand: On to the missing words round... this week’s guest publication is the Official Match Day Programme of Grimsby Town Football Club.

Soft, strong and very, very long...How Andrex do you feel?


Brand: “When I first came here it was like ‘John Fenty is [BLANK]’. Well I can tell you he is one of the nicest blokes I’ve met”.

Merton: When I first came here it was like...John Fenty is the one in the turtle neck. John Fenty is the one dangling from the floodlight. John Fenty is watching me and pointing a pistol at my loaf of bread?

Brand: Close Paul. John Fenty is the anti-Christ!

Hislop: You said it!

Brand: Next. “With everything going in our favour, there is no reason why we couldn’t, within the next five years, regain our [BLANK]”

Hislop: Dignity? Self respect?

Merton: Freedom?

Brand: Wrong again. ‘Championship status’ apparently. I asked him indoors about championing ship status, he turned to port, I gave him a little tug and he drops anchor in my sheltered dock

[canned laughter]

Brand: Finally. “I deconstructed the [BLANK] to the point where it was safe and couldn’t be considered a danger.”

Merton: I deconstructed the...bomb...smoke bomb...smoke bomb in tampon

Hislop: He’s finally lost it. Preposterous.

Merton: Atom. Atomic Kitten. Once driven forever smitten. Vauxhall Cavalier. Roundhead. Stacy Coldicott. Big Brother 4. George Orwell. “Orrr...well, we’ll always have that night at Anfield”. Anne Frank. Frank Lampard. Plunge or push up. Offside trap. Giovanni Trappatoni. Tony Rees. “I Want To Break Free”. Free Willy. Rob Eagle. The Eagle Has Landed. Legal Beagle. Philip Day. Wilkin Chapman. Leslie Ash. Men Behaving Badly. Fenty and May. May The Fraud Be With You. Star Wars. War on Drugs. Peru. Paddington Bear. Michael Bond. Bond with the fans. Drinks in JD’s Nightscene...Gary Childs...Child’s...CHILD’S FLAG!!

Brand: Jesus Paul. Him indoors could’ve orgasmed five times in the time it took you there...

“I deconstructed the CHILD’S FLAG to the point where it was safe and couldn’t be considered a danger.”


Soooo.... To our winners, Ian Hislop, Shutes, Stockwood and Pettit, the keys to the sleeping giant of English football.

To our losers, Paul Merton, John Fenty - a lifetime of ridicule and possible custodial sentence...

Goodnight!