Mental health has many different guises and can effect anyone of us at any given time, to different degrees. Whatever form it takes, the effects can be unique and devastating to the sufferer and their families, because mental illness is rarely encountered only by the direct sufferer of it. The coronavirus pandemic has focused a lot of minds on psychological illness and although not ideal, the attention can be a good thing. What has surprised me is just how pervasive it is. The sharp focus of Ian Holloway’s friend committing suicide has demonstrated this, with a large amount of contributors highlighting their own struggles or those of people close to them. As I mentioned on that particular thread I have ongoing issues. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, suffer from bouts of depression and have toiletry issues around leaving the house. That sounds funny but it’s a pain the bottom (excuse the pun) however, I’m not above being needled about it either for those that may feel the need. Humour I feel is important and sometimes laughter whilst it may not be the best medicine, it can be an effective one nonetheless. I am very lucky to have an amazing partner who supports me but at times I can feel very ridiculous and very alone. I’m aware not everyone has someone and it can be very isolating to have mental illnesses. In itself this becomes a an ever perpetuating cycle. Connection can be the key to gaining relief and if you are like me I find face to face contact difficult to get treatment for my problems and so a forum is a good safe place in which to communicate with people. The release in realising you are not alone or abnormal can be hugely uplifting and should not be underestimated. So I am starting this thread purely for people to have a safe space in which they can talk and share and hopefully gain some sort of relief from their mental health battles.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Apparently I'm a high functioning depressive. It tends to come and go with me and does necessarily have a trigger. I can generally disguise it to the outside world when I feel I need to but it's exhausting. I also find myself regularly self sabotaging, particularly at work. Namely doing things i shouldn't or putting things off until they're urgent or late.
I have to say though as someone who has suffered since my teens, there is much more awareness and acceptance now. Up until recently, I looked after a team of 80 people and I was quite open about my mental health to show people that you never know who might be suffering. Some of the responses I got from people were amazing and they felt able to open up about their own struggles.
I agree with you Sandford, when I not at rock bottom and only medication can help, laughter really works. Talking can as well although I personally haven't found therapy that useful I know for some it's really transformational
All in all, I'm very lucky that I only have depression (and the anxiety/insomnia that goes with it) and I've managed to live with it on and off for more than 20 years. Now it weirdly feels really normal to be depressed and therefore I can generally cope ok in the real world or at least function when I need to. .
The toilet thing is a pain in the bottom and I always want to know were the toilets are when I venture out.
Pete, I go through good times and bad with it but its really hampered travelling and doing things I'd ordinarily love to, as in I have stopped virtually and have a just a few 'safe' spots / areas. I know it is something I am eventually going to have to conquer but I do find it ridiculously difficult to talk face to face with people about it as I find it emotional and fear breaking down.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Apparently I'm a high functioning depressive. It tends to come and go with me and does necessarily have a trigger. I can generally disguise it to the outside world when I feel I need to but it's exhausting. I also find myself regularly self sabotaging, particularly at work. Namely doing things i shouldn't or putting things off until they're urgent or late.
I have to say though as someone who has suffered since my teens, there is much more awareness and acceptance now. Up until recently, I looked after a team of 80 people and I was quite open about my mental health to show people that you never know who might be suffering. Some of the responses I got from people were amazing and they felt able to open up about their own struggles.
I agree with you Sandford, when I not at rock bottom and only medication can help, laughter really works. Talking can as well although I personally haven't found therapy that useful I know for some it's really transformational
All in all, I'm very lucky that I only have depression (and the anxiety/insomnia that goes with it) and I've managed to live with it on and off for more than 20 years. Now it weirdly feels really normal to be depressed and therefore I can generally cope ok in the real world or at least function when I need to. .
That does sound exhausting, the toilet situation with myself is fairly recent occurrence owing to an 'incident' travelling home from a weekend away but I suffered for a long while. I too found it such a drain to put on a front to function in work and social situations and it really can take its toll. The quote from the Joker movie 'The worst part of having a mental illness is that people expect you to act as if you don't!' sums it up quite nicely, because even if people didn't expect that, personally speaking that has at least been my perception of what people want.
As far as treatment goes - its finding the right set of things that works for you. As with illness there is generally not a one size fits all approach that works.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I am starting a course in early November called Introduction to Peer Counselling. It’s one day a week for 6 weeks, so not full on but I’m hoping to learn more about about how to help people suffering from this insidious disease, which can take many forms. I’m also about to start co-facilitating a program called Head Space through a charity in Leeds that I’m involved in. This program is also based on peer counselling principles. The reason for my interest is that someone very close to me had (and still has) severe mental health issues resulting in a form of dementia. This put me personally under great pressure and I consider myself extremely lucky to have not suffered severely myself. As I’ve spoken to others about my situation I’ve been amazed at how many people have responded with their own stories. I believe this is a massive problem in society which is largely hidden due to the on-going stigma associated with mental health. I’ve learnt to think of mental health as similar to physical fitness. If we don’t exercise and eat well we become less fit. It’s easy for this to spiral out of control resulting in severe health issues. The mind is just another organ, and if we don’t keep it ‘in shape’ even minor issues can create pressure which develop into stress leading to anxiety and other more serious problems. The course and program I am about to be involved in are designed to help people recognise such issues and learn how to stop them getting out of control. I’m not positioning myself as an expert - I’m anything but at this stage but as Sandford1981 and Grimsby Pete point out connection with others, and just being able to talk can provide relief. I applaud Sandford’s initiative in starting this thread and I am sure it will be immensely helpful to many.
I suffered from depression and anxiety and I used alcohol as escapism, here's a blog I wrote to help others in the Forces. I am now an MH Ally and an alcohol Advisor, supporting those with alcohol issues. If anyone needs to reach out for help or assistance please DM me and I'll give you my contact details.
I suffered from depression and anxiety and I used alcohol as escapism, here's a blog I wrote to help others in the Forces. I am now an MH Ally and an alcohol Advisor, supporting those with alcohol issues. If anyone needs to reach out for help or assistance please DM me and I'll give you my contact details.
I suffered from depression and anxiety and I used alcohol as escapism, here's a blog I wrote to help others in the Forces. I am now an MH Ally and an alcohol Advisor, supporting those with alcohol issues. If anyone needs to reach out for help or assistance please DM me and I'll give you my contact details.
I've suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for decades, still stops me in my tracks at times even now, just saying.
Sorry to hear that! I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I really wouldn’t. Hard to get that over to people who don’t suffer with it.
As I’m sure your aware, Fundamentally, Anxiety is a defence mechanism for survival so at a basic level is there to prevent you dying, the trouble is anxiety like that doesn’t stop you dying, it stops you living!
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Mental health has many different guises and can effect anyone of us at any given time, to different degrees. Whatever form it takes, the effects can be unique and devastating to the sufferer and their families, because mental illness is rarely encountered only by the direct sufferer of it. The coronavirus pandemic has focused a lot of minds on psychological illness and although not ideal, the attention can be a good thing. What has surprised me is just how pervasive it is. The sharp focus of Ian Holloway’s friend committing suicide has demonstrated this, with a large amount of contributors highlighting their own struggles or those of people close to them. As I mentioned on that particular thread I have ongoing issues. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, suffer from bouts of depression and have toiletry issues around leaving the house. That sounds funny but it’s a pain the bottom (excuse the pun) however, I’m not above being needled about it either for those that may feel the need. Humour I feel is important and sometimes laughter whilst it may not be the best medicine, it can be an effective one nonetheless. I am very lucky to have an amazing partner who supports me but at times I can feel very ridiculous and very alone. I’m aware not everyone has someone and it can be very isolating to have mental illnesses. In itself this becomes a an ever perpetuating cycle. Connection can be the key to gaining relief and if you are like me I find face to face contact difficult to get treatment for my problems and so a forum is a good safe place in which to communicate with people. The release in realising you are not alone or abnormal can be hugely uplifting and should not be underestimated. So I am starting this thread purely for people to have a safe space in which they can talk and share and hopefully gain some sort of relief from their mental health battles.
This bit is so so true.
I've had Ulcerative colitis for approx 9 years now, and i'm still only 27. It affected me alot at first, with stays in hospital whilst it wasn't under control, and constantly needing toilets stopping you from doing everyday stuff.
It took me a good year or so of having symptoms before reaching out to a doctor, and that was a big step in the right direction.
I'm now under a regular medicine, 1 which isn't pleasant, as you don't swallow it.... if you get where i'm going with it.
But it helps, and the best thing i did, was start laughing and joking to family and work colleagues, whilst at the same time, remembering i have a life long condition that won't go away.
Everyone around me is supportive, so laughing about constantly going to the toilet stops me slipping into a sad mindset.
Happy to talk to anyone about any symptoms of any bowel problems. And 1 last thing, if you think somethings not right, and you get told IBD, don't let it drop, because you might have something else, and i personally, fell the whole 'IBD' is an easy cop out for dr's.
In society there is still so much to be done on mental health. I remember doing an assignment on this for my studies where there had been a lot of stigma surrounding mental health. Likewise those with mental health problems in varying capacity's were often at the bottom of the pile and government funding reflected that.
Furthermore I wish people judged others only if they were in their shoes. Often there is ignorance on this issue as some people have no idea whats it like. Added to this there is mockery and sarcasm by a few which doesn't help that person at all. Good natured banter I feel is fine though in the context of normal conservation. .
Then there is the genetic interplay between mind and environment. Some with mental health problems have tough environments where they have come from eg no father figure for most of their life and their stepdad beating them up. I know this was the case of Lenny Mclean the famous bareknuckle boxer who it transpired had bipolar .In his era it wasnt diagnosed. Similarly my best friend who has a lovely innate persona but is shy and a bit dim was brought up by a foster parent. The love it transpired wasn't always there and he was left to drift and he lacked self esteem. You got people who saw him as a weak touch and bullied him verbally. This wound me up as that sort of thing dont help him at all.
Support I feel is whats needed and clear desire to want to heal or contain mental illness on that persons part. With these factors I think most can go a long way to improving their lives.
In society there is still so much to be done on mental health. I remember doing an assignment on this for my studies where there had been a lot of stigma surrounding mental health. Likewise those with mental health problems in varying capacity's were often at the bottom of the pile and government funding reflected that.
Furthermore I wish people judged others only if they were in their shoes. Often there is ignorance on this issue as some people have no idea whats it like. Added to this there is mockery and sarcasm by a few which doesn't help that person at all. Good natured banter I feel is fine though in the context of normal conservation. .
Then there is the genetic interplay between mind and environment. Some with mental health problems have tough environments where they have come from eg no father figure for most of their life and their stepdad beating them up. I know this was the case of Lenny Mclean the famous bareknuckle boxer who it transpired had bipolar .In his era it wasnt diagnosed. Similarly my best friend who has a lovely innate persona but is shy and a bit dim was brought up by a foster parent. The love it transpired wasn't always there and he was left to drift and he lacked self esteem. You got people who saw him as a weak touch and bullied him verbally. This wound me up as that sort of thing dont help him at all.
Support I feel is whats needed and clear desire to want to heal or contain mental illness on that persons part. With these factors I think most can go a long way to improving their lives.
I’ve read McLeans autobiography, watched his documentary and seen the film. Book is brilliant, the documentary very good and the film bang average (the lead actor was not great for my money-shame).
It’s a good example that shows how mental health health issues don’t discriminate. The archetypal hard man is as vulnerable as the meek and mild woman. I’m sure there are hundreds of other people that we could use too.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
The good thing is that mental illness is being talked about more. This will gradually increase wider understanding of it by non-sufferers. The future king lost his mother and has been very vocal in supporting understanding of mental health. His documentary about sufferers in football was a landmark step forward.
Increasingly stressful lives, Covid, unemployment, health issues, uncertainty and higher expectations in society all contribute to reduced mental health. In my.view anyway.
I did not even mention seeking material possessions, social media pressures, body-shaming, identity theft, revenge porn, dodgy photo’s, reduced career prospect, unaffordable housing, being in debt, homelessness, poor fitness, poverty, poor diet, bad non-mental health issues and lack of hope for the future. We have many things trying to deal with that try and trip us up.
There is a reducing stigma. This helps. I have worked with some excellent managers and professionals who very empathetic and understanding. However, if they have not suffered from clinical depression themselves then they cannot fully understand what it does to you.
When ill you would want your arm or leg cut-off to get better now. When better you want your arm back.
A broken leg and someone on crutches is easily understood. Sympathy offered. We have no such luxury. A. Simply analogy is carrying a tray with an increasing number of items on it. One small additional item can result in dropping the tray. You cope under pressure but too many items is too much to bear.
Suffers of mental illness are often of above average intelligence. Their emotional intelligence is also very good. The exception to these rules is Gazza.
Before got married I told my wife about my illness. She checked with her GP who advised her not to marry me! We have now been married for 38 football seasons. (Although I should probably discount the NL years). My wife has also suffered from poor mental health for many years. This combined impact makes our relationship very difficult at times).
It is important to do the best for yourself that you can to remain healthy. Suicide rates are very high for young men. Reduce all risk elements.
The key way forward is to find the right medication for you. Aligned, or instead of, good support measures, good friends, openness, being able to talk to people when you need to, support groups - physically or on line, a simple life with reduced stress where possibly, good food and plenty of physical exercise. Good doctors help if you are fortunate to have one.
For anxiety, I find listening to John Tonder nearly impossible, Not that I believe that we will concede from every opposition attack. It is just that John gives this false impression!
Sorry, this post is longer than I intended, Yes, a great topical thread of significant importance.
Well put TownSNAFU. Many, many issues involved. Have some people very close to me who are prone to mental health issues. It can be very difficult to deal with if you’re not used to it or don’t understand what is going on. Have had the odd minor episode myself. It’s very common and covers a wide spectrum.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
Thanks for posting this Sandford Have you had any thoughts about reminding people from the main Fishy site to keep looking at and adding to this thread?
Thanks for posting this Sandford Have you had any thoughts about reminding people from the main Fishy site to keep looking at and adding to this thread?
I don’t really know how the forum works to be honest but the more people are aware of this thread, the better in my eyes.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
We are quite happy to talk about physical health issues, and people are quite happy to listen. But talk about mental health and they dont want to know. Its not that they dont care, they do. They dont know w how to deal with it. We need to educate people about this
<'(((((<
When I was a little boy I asked my daddy what would i be would I be United, would i be Leeds Here's what he said to me
Oh Grimsby Grimsby Whatever will be will be You'll follow then faithfully Oh Grimsby Grimsby
Tell me Mam me Mam I dont want no tea no tea I'm watching the Grimsby Tell me Mam me mam
We are quite happy to talk about physical health issues, and people are quite happy to listen. But talk about mental health and they dont want to know. Its not that they dont care, they do. They dont know w how to deal with it. We need to educate people about this
I think a guy put it best in a interview I heard . In his day he stated eg 1930s people use to communicate a lot more:
"we didn't need psychologists we talked to each other about our problems".
Iam not denying phycologists are useful in certain instances eg medical advancements has helped people who suffer from bi polar disorder whereas before it went under the radar. But one of the main factors of crime is lack of community. Where people feel valued and loved and part of something crime tends to be lower.
We are quite happy to talk about physical health issues, and people are quite happy to listen. But talk about mental health and they dont want to know. Its not that they dont care, they do. They dont know w how to deal with it. We need to educate people about this
You are absolutely right, education is critical in terms of understanding the different types of illnesses, symptoms, treatments and the impact on the sufferers and their families. Although great strides have been made regarding mental health stigma, there is still some way to go, particularly amongst men. But the more we talk, the more people can open up without fear of judgement or recriminations the better things will get.
I mentioned this on the footy side of things but through my missus and a friend, I have learned that 2 local men have taken their own lives this week. So sad.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I mentioned this on the footy side of things but through my missus and a friend, I have learned that 2 local men have taken their own lives this week. So sad.
That's tragic. And just before Christmas as well . I hope there in a better place now.
Its just a huge shame that someone didn't get to them in time or there was something in their lives that kept them going. I read this from British prisoners taken by the Japanese during the second world war and made to work on the Burmese railway . All around them their mates were dying through dysentery and being worked to death under horrendous conditions eg beaten ,little food and even crucified. The ones that survived were the ones who never gave up on hope that this would all end and things would get eventually better.
That's tragic. And just before Christmas as well . I hope there in a better place now.
I sincerely hope so mate. I hope I never find out but I can only imagine what pain they must have been in to consider that their only way out. Frightening and very, very sad indeed.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years and I am on medication, for years I kept this from close family members, friends and work colleagues. I felt ashamed that I was feeling depressed that I was healthy, had a good partner and two fantastic children what did I need to be depressed about, there is no answer, it can affect anybody no matter how good their lives are.
I found it such a relief and a huge weight lifted when I started to open up to people and not hide the fact I felt like i did. I think more is being highlighted with regards to mental health it seems less of a stigma, more campaigns to get people to talk and open up which is vital. I dread to think what lockdowns and Coronavirus has done to many people mental health it’s heartbreaking to read some of the stories I have read. I fear mental health is being pushed aside during the pandemic.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years and I am on medication, for years I kept this from close family members, friends and work colleagues. I felt ashamed that I was feeling depressed that I was healthy, had a good partner and two fantastic children what did I need to be depressed about, there is no answer, it can affect anybody no matter how good their lives are.
I found it such a relief and a huge weight lifted when I started to open up to people and not hide the fact I felt like i did. I think more is being highlighted with regards to mental health it seems less of a stigma, more campaigns to get people to talk and open up which is vital. I dread to think what lockdowns and Coronavirus has done to many people mental health it’s heartbreaking to read some of the stories I have read. I fear mental health is being pushed aside during the pandemic.
I suspect you're right. It's possibly because it's not so easy to stick numbers on it as it is with 'physical'* illnesses, especially ones where people die directly of the illness. Pretty much like we use statistics about things like GDP or Profit & Loss rather than well-being. It may also be partly to do with which branches of science have the kudos, and the ear of decision makers. Cause and effect may be much harder to prove with the current level of understanding.
* I say 'physical', not because mental illness isn't physical (it can be, and can result in physical symptoms), I just don't know what the best term would be. I've suffered from anxiety in the past (and no doubt will do again at some point in the future), but I'm lucky in that has been psychological and not from some direct physiological cause. My wife suffers from depression (luckily less and less often) but doesn't take medication.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
I have just looked on back threads and found this. It is such a shame that many do not realise what an illness Mental Heath is. I strongly believe it, in all its forms, is a forgotten illness by our politicians red and blue. Nobody see's it so it's not there, if it's not there it's not a problem.
As many have testified on this thread it is there if you scratch the surface, yet many poke fun at suffers; or the sufferer feels ashamed to mention it. Their is no shame in this illness, it comes upon from nowhere, it has no recognised beginning and no end. Medication may help and it may go away but is in the background waiting to pounce again for no reason.
As for myself I suffer from a syndrome of about 38 various symptoms, not all at once thank goodness, and medication is no good. A consultant told me ' The good news is it's not going to kill you, the bad news is we cannot cure it because we don't know what causes it'. I never ask for pity or sympathy but understanding. I take solace in some good old Latin saying ' nil carborundum desperandum' translated as Don't let the illegitimates grind you down.
My sincere thanks go to Sanford for starting this thread and may it never die. I now expect my red cross forumites to indulge themselves once again as this post is meaningless to them.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
I have just looked on back threads and found this. It is such a shame that many do not realise what an illness Mental Heath is. I strongly believe it, in all its forms, is a forgotten illness by our politicians red and blue. Nobody see's it so it's not there, if it's not there it's not a problem.
As many have testified on this thread it is there if you scratch the surface, yet many poke fun at suffers; or the sufferer feels ashamed to mention it. Their is no shame in this illness, it comes upon from nowhere, it has no recognised beginning and no end. Medication may help and it may go away but is in the background waiting to pounce again for no reason.
As for myself I suffer from a syndrome of about 38 various symptoms, not all at once thank goodness, and medication is no good. A consultant told me ' The good news is it's not going to kill you, the bad news is we cannot cure it because we don't know what causes it'. I never ask for pity or sympathy but understanding. I take solace in some good old Latin saying ' nil carborundum desperandum' translated as Don't let the illegitimates grind you down.
My sincere thanks go to Sanford for starting this thread and may it never die. I now expect my red cross forumites to indulge themselves once again as this post is meaningless to them.
I don’t want to get all new age psychotherapist but this is a safe space. Genuinely I think people who contribute to this side or this thread in particular understand because many have their own issues or know someone who has. As I repeat often, a little bit of empathy and compassion can go a long way.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
As many have testified on this thread it is there if you scratch the surface, yet many poke fun at suffers; or the sufferer feels ashamed to mention it. Their is no shame in this illness, it comes upon from nowhere, it has no recognised beginning and no end. Medication may help and it may go away but is in the background waiting to pounce again for no reason.
As for myself I suffer from a syndrome of about 38 various symptoms, not all at once thank goodness, and medication is no good. A consultant told me ' The good news is it's not going to kill you, the bad news is we cannot cure it because we don't know what causes it'. I never ask for pity or sympathy but understanding. I take solace in some good old Latin saying ' nil carborundum desperandum' translated as Don't let the illegitimates grind you down.
My sincere thanks go to Sanford for starting this thread and may it never die. I now expect my red cross forumites to indulge themselves once again as this post is meaningless to them.
Moving post. Hope you keep fighting your challenges and never give up.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
I think this is a thread that should never die. Their is always someone out their with this sort of illness who is too scared and frightened to mention it.
It may help them to post a message on this thread ( Not Agony Aunt) but to relieve their anxiety, tension or stress. Just writing something might release the pressure. They don't have to use their own name, something like ' I have a friend, my mate etc.).
This could be a matter of life and death, death if not literal but also in the sense on not being able to live a normal life like most people. This may not be you but could be your partner, child, parent, mate, friend, neighbour etc. The list is endless.
The need for these unfortunate people is to talk or in this case just a few words to ease their mind a little bit may help them.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
I think this is a thread that should never die. Their is always someone out their with this sort of illness who is too scared and frightened to mention it.
It may help them to post a message on this thread ( Not Agony Aunt) but to relieve their anxiety, tension or stress. Just writing something might release the pressure. They don't have to use their own name, something like ' I have a friend, my mate etc.).
This could be a matter of life and death, death if not literal but also in the sense on not being able to live a normal life like most people. This may not be you but could be your partner, child, parent, mate, friend, neighbour etc. The list is endless.
The need for these unfortunate people is to talk or in this case just a few words to ease their mind a little bit may help them.
I’d wholeheartedly echo all of those sentiments DB. It’s handy to pop on with relevant links,stories etc...Keeps it bubbling away in the background.
What may seem inconsequential such as a private message on here or a text in the ‘real world’ may mean a lot to someone who is struggling.
As always I’m happy to be PM’d or give out my number if need be.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
It's thank to you that this tread started. I don't mind being PM'd but I have a following of 450 red Xs who really like my number.
I’m sure I’ve read somewhere that you can switch off the ticks and crosses function. Could be wrong (it’s a regular occurrence).
This is a subject close to my heart and I’m passionate about it. I’ve bin lucky enough to benefit from professional help and from ordinary folk like us who just reached out to me.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I’m sure I’ve read somewhere that you can switch off the ticks and crosses function. Could be wrong (it’s a regular occurrence).
This is a subject close to my heart and I’m passionate about it. I’ve bin lucky enough to benefit from professional help and from ordinary folk like us who just reached out to me.
I know how to do that. It's not the X's that bother me, but giving my number out so 450 could contact me. I have enough health problems without bring them on. If I can help anybody please send me a PM and I'll do my best to help you.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
I know how to do that. It's not the X's that bother me, but giving my number out so 450 could contact me. I have enough health problems without bring them on. If I can help anybody please send me a PM and I'll do my best to help you.
Ah I get what you mean now. Apologies.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Thanks for that Kingston. I think there are trigger factors which dont help either .For instance we live in a materialistic/often self centred society where sometimes people dont check up on the vulnerable. I had a friend for instance at school who died 2 years ago. He was dead in his room for 2 weeks before the police find him. He had his troubles(low level Asperger's syndrome I think) and drifted into a reclusive lifestyle and occasionally took drugs .
As you say a bit of love goes a long way. Sometimes it takes a lot more for people to get out of the hole though.
I don't mind being PM'd but I have a following of 450 red Xs who really like my number.
Dont worry about the red crosses. As long as you try to be true to who you are and work on being healthy in mind and body thats all that matters.
Ive found the way Tyson Fury has struggled with his mental problems and the way he is beating them laudable . Hope he destroys Anthony Joshua in their May/June proposed fight this year .Video below is moving as well:
We have had 10 years of Tory austerity that as impacted mental health more than anywhere else, help has been cut and cut again, it’s easy to cut because it’s not as visible as physical health. Asking for help is a big thing, it not being there because of cuts so the rich can pay a little less tax is criminal
We have had 10 years of Tory austerity that as impacted mental health more than anywhere else, help has been cut and cut again, it’s easy to cut because it’s not as visible as physical health. Asking for help is a big thing, it not being there because of cuts so the rich can pay a little less tax is criminal
I don't think that this thread is about party politics, one-upmanship or the kind.
It is about trying to help our fellow mankind who find themselves having mental health problems which they are struggling to cope with. Being their for them. It is not about judging how their problems evolved but helping them come to terms with it and ultimately learning how to cope.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
I don't think that this thread is about party politics, one-upmanship or the kind.
It is about trying to help our fellow mankind who find themselves having mental health problems which they are struggling to cope with. Being their for them. It is not about judging how their problems evolved but helping them come to terms with it and ultimately learning how to cope.
I am only telling what is the truth, from my own family experience, the cuts have been dreadful. The Government should be highlighted when these things happen. Everything is political, the Tories made a choice to cut mental health services year on year. Yes we can all say how sad we are for each other but serious problems need professional help and the fact is waiting lists are now massive for mental health yet suicide levels are at record levels
Ive found the way Tyson Fury has struggled with his mental problems and the way he is beating them laudable . Hope he destroys Anthony Joshua in their May/June proposed fight this year .Video below is moving as well:
I'd second this about Tyson Fury. Never really been much of a fan of him but after listening to him on Joe Rogans podcast I thought he surprisingly came across as quite the mental health champion talking openly about how he came back from the brink as an overweight, depressed mess getting whatever stimulant he could lay his hands on to heavyweight champion of the world. Definitely recommend giving it a listen, just google 'JRE MMA show#47 with Tyson Fury'.
"Lovelly stuff! not my words but the words of Shakin Stevens."
I am only telling what is the truth, from my own family experience, the cuts have been dreadful. The Government should be highlighted when these things happen. Everything is political, the Tories made a choice to cut mental health services year on year. Yes we can all say how sad we are for each other but serious problems need professional help and the fact is waiting lists are now massive for mental health yet suicide levels are at record levels
I am very sorry to hear of your plight and if I can be of help send me a PM.
Without detailing it, and the govt. in power, a person I know sought help. They were told that they did need help but they, service 'A', couldn't help but would send service 'B'. Same story and they got to service 'J' who thought service 'A' might be the place to be. This story be also ring true for others.
The only point I really want to make in my first reply to you is politicians, regardless of party, have not helped mental health issues. They pay lip service and make promises, especially at election time and that's it. As I have said on other threads I am not blue or red and I didn't want this thread to become a slanging match for forumites of opposite political views. Their are other threads for that!
I only wanted this to be an impartial thread about mental health. As you said people need professional help but it's not their for them. Hence the small amount of help forumites could give may be better than nothing.
My thanks again to Sandford for starting the thread and who has also offered to be PM'd. Would anyone else would like to put forward themselves to be PM'd?
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
I'd second this about Tyson Fury. Never really been much of a fan of him but after listening to him on Joe Rogans podcast I thought he surprisingly came across as quite the mental health champion talking openly about how he came back from the brink as an overweight, depressed mess getting whatever stimulant he could lay his hands on to heavyweight champion of the world. Definitely recommend giving it a listen, just google 'JRE MMA show#47 with Tyson Fury'.
Thanks for the link but Ive already heard that interview.
What I found remarkable about the first Deontay Wilder fight was the way Tyson Fury came back from that 12 th round knockdown. I think he was concussed . For me the best bit of sporting action Ive seen.
I think it’s really important the threads primary focus remains mental ill health and being a channel through which people can gain some relief no matter how big or small. I think I understand where you are coming from DB, as a lot of threads are reduced to or descend into politics.
However, Codcheeky’s point is a valid one and is an important factor in his own, or someone close to hims story. Austerity drives mental health problems and then when people need the help the provision of treatment is not there or not available quickly enough.
One of the lowest points I’ve had saw me reach out to Mind as I was desperate and was signposted to them by my GP. I had used them previously and they were brilliant. But after my initial call it was 8months before they gave me an appointment. Supply could not meet demand. That’s not their fault but it highlights a very real problem too.
I hate to think how things will be moving forward. The consequences of people not having the right help available at the right time are frightening.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I think it’s really important the threads primary focus remains mental ill health and being a channel through which people can gain some relief no matter how big or small. I think I understand where you are coming from DB, as a lot of threads are reduced to or descend into politics.
However, Codcheeky’s point is a valid one and is an important factor in his own, or someone close to hims story. Austerity drives mental health problems and then when people need the help the provision of treatment is not there or not available quickly enough.
One of the lowest points I’ve had saw me reach out to Mind as I was desperate and was signposted to them by my GP. I had used them previously and they were brilliant. But after my initial call it was 8months before they gave me an appointment. Supply could not meet demand. That’s not their fault but it highlights a very real problem too.
I hate to think how things will be moving forward. The consequences of people not having the right help available at the right time are frightening.
No matter how long or dark the tunnel there is always a light at the end of it. Sometimes you can't see it but you have to keep looking. PM me if you need to.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
It may help them to post a message on this thread ( Not Agony Aunt) but to relieve their anxiety, tension or stress. Just writing something might release the pressure. They don't have to use their own name, something like ' I have a friend, my mate etc.).
This could be a matter of life and death, death if not literal but also in the sense on not being able to live a normal life like most people. This may not be you but could be your partner, child, parent, mate, friend, neighbour etc. The list is endless.
The need for these unfortunate people is to talk or in this case just a few words to ease their mind a little bit may help them.
Beautiful words. Especially in the light of what I read yesterday. Suicide remains the biggest killer of men under 45 years.
This thread has moved down the pecking order, but it's their if you need it. It's good to talk, relieves tension, stress and anxiety.
Why the f**k would someone red cross this gesture? A person extends the hand of friendship to allow strangers to off load! Strange world!
Fill your boots by the way, water off a ducks back.
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
Feeling as though I’m in the Star Wars garbage compactor, usually have the resilience to wriggle through but tough these days.
These times are more bad. But at least your not a Bury or Macclesfield fan so as bad as it seems there is a small positive with a small s. Tuesday is a new day with a new game.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Feeling as though I’m in the Star Wars garbage compactor, usually have the resilience to wriggle through but tough these days.
Remember you aren't alone feeling like this. The last year has been extremely trying but we are seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Please reach out to those who have kindly offered to act as a friendly ear.
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
This is a great thread and thanks to Sandford for starting it, I will always help in anyway I can by talking to any poster who just wants a chat (I mean that) it’s amazing what just general chat can do, someone who is willing to listen can work wonders, anybody can message me anytime for a chat, I’ve met Grimsby Pete and keep in regular contact with him, I’ve sort of got to know when Pete gets down so I do my best to help him by contacting him.
Nice to see Grimsby fans on this thread reaching out to other fellow fans. As someone who has family ties to the area that goes back a long way its heart-warming to see.
This is a great thread and thanks to Sandford for starting it, I will always help in anyway I can by talking to any poster who just wants a chat (I mean that) it’s amazing what just general chat can do, someone who is willing to listen can work wonders, anybody can message me anytime for a chat, I’ve met Grimsby Pete and keep in regular contact with him, I’ve sort of got to know when Pete gets down so I do my best to help him by contacting him.
Your a star man
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Why the f**k would someone red cross this gesture? A person extends the hand of friendship to allow strangers to off load! Strange world!
Fill your boots by the way, water off a ducks back.
It’s probably someone most in need of help for his mental health .
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
Well done Chris! I’l just say I’m lucky to get out and about with my job and if there is anyone vulnerable feeling isolated and in need of any urgent essentials then let me know (PM me) i will do my best to drop off (Grimsby area).
Odd topic to Red Cross but I guess that contributes as much to mental health as anything these days.
Kindness doesn’t cost anything, helping people doesn’t cost anything. Whatever cultural, ethnic, religious or political background or persuasion, fundamentally, being kind and caring goes a long way.
As with many things, recognising you need help and support is the first step. For therapy to work, on average you’ll need three goes at it but it’s worth sticking out. It’s hard, upsetting, traumatic and tiring but it’s worthwhile. It doesn’t happen overnight but it does work.
There’s always folk out there and sometimes the anonymity helps, take this board, whilst a few of us know who each other is, many don’t and we have pseudonyms, that can help the person requiring the support; just saying whatever they need to say is a start or can even go along way to helping long term.
'the poor and the needy are selfish and greedy'...well done Mozza
Odd topic to Red Cross but I guess that contributes as much to mental health as anything these days.
Kindness doesn’t cost anything, helping people doesn’t cost anything. Whatever cultural, ethnic, religious or political background or persuasion, fundamentally, being kind and caring goes a long way.
As with many things, recognising you need help and support is the first step. For therapy to work, on average you’ll need three goes at it but it’s worth sticking out. It’s hard, upsetting, traumatic and tiring but it’s worthwhile. It doesn’t happen overnight but it does work.
There’s always folk out there and sometimes the anonymity helps, take this board, whilst a few of us know who each other is, many don’t and we have pseudonyms, that can help the person requiring the support; just saying whatever they need to say is a start or can even go along way to helping long term.
This. Well said my friend.
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
Still brings back memories. I use to love watching football focus .I remember watching Gary Speed on the Saturday morning on football focus and in the evening he hung himself. Heard it next day and was stunned. To take your life when you had a wife and children is beyond me. Only thing I can assume is from reading reports of why he died was it may not of been fully intentional eg changed his mind when he was gasping for his last breaths. Whatever was the truth for why he done it he was in a terribly dark place.
For me just a huge shame someone didnt get to him in time and moved him to want to live before he attempted to and sadly died from hanging.
Mental health is the sad side of the NHS, not that it is the fault of the NHS. The NHS can only do what their masters, red or blue, want/let them do. The first problem of mental health is that no body wants to think, never mind admit they have a problem. Man up as the saying goes. So in not admitting to oneself the situation you will not go to a GP.
Where in lies the next problem. Because of the delay in attending surgery treatment starts later than it should. Treatment should be direct at the cause it is not, treatment is more than likely aimed to help people cope. The cause be it low self esteem caused by money, life expectation crisis, family problems or what ever is rarely tackled.
GP's refer to consultants who are few in number. I don't know the exact numbers involved but to put it in some context just look at the number of staff employed in the vast DPOW hospital for non mental patients and the number at the tiny Harrison House building on Peaks Lane. I often compare somebody who 'looks' normal but with health issues, to somebody in a wheelchair, on crutches, wing up or in a cast. Neither groups are well but one group are deemed by society to healthy because their problems are not seen.
If people are extremely lucky, once diagnosed with a mental health issue, they may get help through the social care system which to my knowledge have specialist sub groups. I know of a case where a patient was allocated help in this section. For arguments sake their were about 10 subsections and team 1 went. They couldn't help but was sure team 2 could, however they reassured the patient that they definitely needed help. This went on until team 10 arrived who repeated the same story advising team 1 would give the best help!
If have only scratched a small surface of the problems which our politicians want to ignore and why do they ignore it. Mainly because it is not and never will be an election issue. Why will it never be an election issue is very simple, nobody wants to admit to the stigma of a mental health problem.
This brings us nice back to the beginning of the circle. The cost to the nation must be in the billions but is never measured, apart from medication, as it doesn't exist until somebody famous commits suicide. The poor dear couldn't cope is a reason given, whereas the real reason is society in general has turned it's on the the range of mental health issues.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
This brings us nice back to the beginning of the circle. The cost to the nation must be in the billions but is never measured, apart from medication, as it doesn't exist until somebody famous commits suicide. The poor dear couldn't cope is a reason given, whereas the real reason is society in general has turned it's on the the range of mental health issues.
Interesting story I heard last year DB. Tyson Furys Uncle Peter gave a Christmas card to his next door neighbour who was old. Following this a friendship formed and he now checks on her once every three weeks with a phone call. This kindness improved her life greatly as she was very lonely. To often even where I live people go to work come back and some have little time for elderly neighbours not returning Christmas cards etc. I remember reading research as well in care homes. Old people who had little social contact and not much of a life eg just sat in front of a television all day died out on average a lot sooner than those who had social contacts and had a life .
Mental health is the sad side of the NHS, not that it is the fault of the NHS. The NHS can only do what their masters, red or blue, want/let them do. The first problem of mental health is that no body wants to think, never mind admit they have a problem. Man up as the saying goes. So in not admitting to oneself the situation you will not go to a GP.
Where in lies the next problem. Because of the delay in attending surgery treatment starts later than it should. Treatment should be direct at the cause it is not, treatment is more than likely aimed to help people cope. The cause be it low self esteem caused by money, life expectation crisis, family problems or what ever is rarely tackled.
GP's refer to consultants who are few in number. I don't know the exact numbers involved but to put it in some context just look at the number of staff employed in the vast DPOW hospital for non mental patients and the number at the tiny Harrison House building on Peaks Lane. I often compare somebody who 'looks' normal but with health issues, to somebody in a wheelchair, on crutches, wing up or in a cast. Neither groups are well but one group are deemed by society to healthy because their problems are not seen.
If people are extremely lucky, once diagnosed with a mental health issue, they may get help through the social care system which to my knowledge have specialist sub groups. I know of a case where a patient was allocated help in this section. For arguments sake their were about 10 subsections and team 1 went. They couldn't help but was sure team 2 could, however they reassured the patient that they definitely needed help. This went on until team 10 arrived who repeated the same story advising team 1 would give the best help!
If have only scratched a small surface of the problems which our politicians want to ignore and why do they ignore it. Mainly because it is not and never will be an election issue. Why will it never be an election issue is very simple, nobody wants to admit to the stigma of a mental health problem.
This brings us nice back to the beginning of the circle. The cost to the nation must be in the billions but is never measured, apart from medication, as it doesn't exist until somebody famous commits suicide. The poor dear couldn't cope is a reason given, whereas the real reason is society in general has turned it's on the the range of mental health issues.
There is simply not the provision for help which is due to year on year of cuts to funding and services. It’s a very sad state of affairs. My better half works for Navigo at Harrison house and they are extremely busy and I bet the facility could be five times bigger and still be so, which is frightening really.
The issue of mental health disorders and how best to tackle them is a complex issue that we are getting badly wrong unfortunately.
We’ve undoubtedly made progress regarding the stigmatisation of mental health particularly in males but we have some distance to go too. Phrases like the ones you mention trip off the tongue so easily and are imbedded in our culture and our subconscious. It’s harmful and it’s that simple to me, though it’s relatively early so I will not get on my soapbox.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
There is simply not the provision for help which is due to year on year of cuts to funding and services. It’s a very sad state of affairs. My better half works for Navigo at Harrison house and they are extremely busy and I bet the facility could be five times bigger and still be so, which is frightening really.
The issue of mental health disorders and how best to tackle them is a complex issue that we are getting badly wrong unfortunately.
We’ve undoubtedly made progress regarding the stigmatisation of mental health particularly in males but we have some distance to go too. Phrases like the ones you mention trip off the tongue so easily and are imbedded in our culture and our subconscious. It’s harmful and it’s that simple to me, though it’s relatively early so I will not get on my soapbox.
You never know who reads this site so get on your soapbox, whatever you say may make a difference and be a life saver to someone, now or in the future.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Still brings back memories. I use to love watching football focus .I remember watching Gary Speed on the Saturday morning on football focus and in the evening he hung himself. Heard it next day and was stunned. To take your life when you had a wife and children is beyond me. Only thing I can assume is from reading reports of why he died was it may not of been fully intentional eg changed his mind when he was gasping for his last breaths. Whatever was the truth for why he done it he was in a terribly dark place.
For me just a huge shame someone didnt get to him in time and moved him to want to live before he attempted to and sadly died from hanging.
I can tell by experience Rick that when you go to that dark place and decide to end it all nothing else is on your mind.
You can have a loving family and friends but the only thing on your mind is to end it. I can not explain why just wanting to die is all that goes on in your mind.
I watched that football focus and there was no sign of any depression with Gary Speed in fact he looked happy and Shearer said they were talking about going fishing the next week. Then on the evening he had gone the curtain must have come down very quick for him to do that as usually it's a build up of things before nothing else is on your mind and you think it's the only thing to do.
Once you have tried to end it and failed you recognise the trigger points and if you have a loving family and friends you can reach out for help.
Sadly that is not enough for some and they still go through with it.
The mind is a very powerful thing and sometimes we have no control of it.
Over 36 years living in Suffolk but always a mariner. 68 Years following the Town
I can tell by experience Rick that when you go to that dark place and decide to end it all nothing else is on your mind.
You can have a loving family and friends but the only thing on your mind is to end it. I can not explain why just wanting to die is all that goes on in your mind.
I watched that football focus and there was no sign of any depression with Gary Speed in fact he looked happy and Shearer said they were talking about going fishing the next week. Then on the evening he had gone the curtain must have come down very quick for him to do that as usually it's a build up of things before nothing else is on your mind and you think it's the only thing to do.
Once you have tried to end it and failed you recognise the trigger points and if you have a loving family and friends you can reach out for help.
Sadly that is not enough for some and they still go through with it.
The mind is a very powerful thing and sometimes we have no control of it.
Attempted suicide, completed suicide and suicide ideation are very delicate areas and extremely emotive for people. Again there is huge and damaging stigma around it and it makes things difficult for people to deal with and talk about.
I have known people who have committed suicide, know people who have attempted to take their lives and have listened to many who have thought about it. It’s a subject I’ve studied and it never ceases to shock me when you read about the figures or personal stories.
It’s the ultimate decision and power someone can have and I’ve heard it said it was the last piece of control they had and that was a comfort. For someone who is petrified of death that really resonated with me. Some take their lives not because they wanted to die necessarily but simply because they didn’t want to live like they were anymore. Again I find this incredibly touching.
Kudos to you Pete (not that you’ll want credit) but having the strength to talk about it may just be the difference to someone on here.
I come back to it all the time but compassion, empathy, love and non judgmental attitudes towards others would help immeasurably.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I can tell by experience Rick that when you go to that dark place and decide to end it all nothing else is on your mind.
You can have a loving family and friends but the only thing on your mind is to end it. I can not explain why just wanting to die is all that goes on in your mind.
I watched that football focus and there was no sign of any depression with Gary Speed in fact he looked happy and Shearer said they were talking about going fishing the next week. Then on the evening he had gone the curtain must have come down very quick for him to do that as usually it's a build up of things before nothing else is on your mind and you think it's the only thing to do.
Once you have tried to end it and failed you recognise the trigger points and if you have a loving family and friends you can reach out for help.
Sadly that is not enough for some and they still go through with it.
The mind is a very powerful thing and sometimes we have no control of it.
It is very brave of you to share this and you have my deep admiration for your heartfelt unselfish post.
I do hope that it may help and bring relief to others. It is good for people to know that they are not the only ones who are suffering, trying to find any sort of positive in your darkest hour is sometimes very hard when everything around you looks so bleak.
I new of somebody with problems whom I tried to help. I was told in no uncertain terms by them " It's my life and I will do what I like" to which I didn't then, and don't now, have an answer.
Several weeks later they passed away.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Mental health is the sad side of the NHS, not that it is the fault of the NHS. The NHS can only do what their masters, red or blue, want/let them do. The first problem of mental health is that no body wants to think, never mind admit they have a problem. Man up as the saying goes. So in not admitting to oneself the situation you will not go to a GP.
Where in lies the next problem. Because of the delay in attending surgery treatment starts later than it should. Treatment should be direct at the cause it is not, treatment is more than likely aimed to help people cope. The cause be it low self esteem caused by money, life expectation crisis, family problems or what ever is rarely tackled.
GP's refer to consultants who are few in number. I don't know the exact numbers involved but to put it in some context just look at the number of staff employed in the vast DPOW hospital for non mental patients and the number at the tiny Harrison House building on Peaks Lane. I often compare somebody who 'looks' normal but with health issues, to somebody in a wheelchair, on crutches, wing up or in a cast. Neither groups are well but one group are deemed by society to healthy because their problems are not seen.
If people are extremely lucky, once diagnosed with a mental health issue, they may get help through the social care system which to my knowledge have specialist sub groups. I know of a case where a patient was allocated help in this section. For arguments sake their were about 10 subsections and team 1 went. They couldn't help but was sure team 2 could, however they reassured the patient that they definitely needed help. This went on until team 10 arrived who repeated the same story advising team 1 would give the best help!
If have only scratched a small surface of the problems which our politicians want to ignore and why do they ignore it. Mainly because it is not and never will be an election issue. Why will it never be an election issue is very simple, nobody wants to admit to the stigma of a mental health problem.
This brings us nice back to the beginning of the circle. The cost to the nation must be in the billions but is never measured, apart from medication, as it doesn't exist until somebody famous commits suicide. The poor dear couldn't cope is a reason given, whereas the real reason is society in general has turned it's on the the range of mental health issues.
That’s a pretty good summation as far as my indirect experience goes.
Though life is physically easier these days, and whilst people by and large have more material ‘wealth’, there seem to be more psychological pressures on people these days than say 60/70 years ago. Life seems more complex, and is changing more rapidly. A lot more pressures to conform to physical ‘ideals’ too (narcissistic). And the culture has become more individualistic.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
Though life is physically easier these days, and whilst people by and large have more material ‘wealth’, there seem to be more psychological pressures on people these days than say 60/70 years ago. Life seems more complex, and is changing more rapidly. A lot more pressures to conform to physical ‘ideals’ too (narcissistic). And the culture has become more individualistic.
I read a wonderful book called ‘My Tuesdays with Morrie; An old man, a young man, and life's greatest lesson‘ and a quote that stuck with me is in keeping with what you are saying there.
“The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it. Create your own!”
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I read a wonderful book called ‘My Tuesdays with Morrie; An old man, a young man, and life's greatest lesson‘ and a quote that stuck with me is in keeping with what you are saying there.
“The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it. Create your own!”
I think many people do create their own culture. They’re usually lambasted by the main stream, and especially by the media. And by people who are close to the bottom of the pile and feel that there are fewer people below them in the pecking order than in the old days.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
I think many people do create their own culture. They’re usually lambasted by the main stream, and especially by the media. And by people who are close to the bottom of the pile and feel that there are fewer people below them in the pecking order than in the old days.
Having read through the last few posts, coming from 60 + years ago their were newspapers which printed NEWS, which were obviously politically biased. Today the same titles aided and abet by the tv news having little news but full of opinions. These opinions are present with such words as could, would, should etc. to the extent many believe these opinions as truth.
This then leads people into false expectations of things that are/will be rarely achievable. Leading eventually to mental problems unless the truth of a matter can shown to them. Money and political aims are now what leads today's newspapers, our current GT is a prime example. This was a very good newspaper with many local news items, transferred into something which is far beyond it's hey day; a revamp of the old Grimsby Gazette.
I recall when I was at school we were taught to question as to why things happen and reason them through. Today I get the impression that a school is, in simplified terms, a factory that produces varying degrees of educated teenagers, every year. If the pupil asks too many questions or do not understand they are rejected as non compliant. I say this in general terms.
The culture is now inset in them because they have 'rights', and when these 'rights' are not fulfilled the young teenagers carry these problems into adult life; which manifest into mental heath problems.
I feel that I have not expressed these concerns with the right words, but I hope you get the gist of what I have said.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
My panic attacks and anxiety stemmed from my childhood.
My mother has suffered with mental illness on and off for most of her life although it's calming down now she is in her eighties.
She was sectioned many times when I was a child and beyond which scarred my dad and I pretty bad.
At one point my late father wouldn't go anywhere without his bike so he could rush back home if panic set in bless him.
Our GP's at the time didn't understand mental heath and told us basically to man up and get on with it, which wasn't what we needed so we moved to a specialist that helped my dad and I immensely.
I could write a book about it, she drove our Austin Allegro onto the middle of Hewitt's Circus roundabout one time and disappeared into the night.
When Leeds trainer Les Cocker was once told Norman Hunter had broken a leg, he asked: “Whose is it?”
Having read through the last few posts, coming from 60 + years ago their were newspapers which printed NEWS, which were obviously politically biased. Today the same titles aided and abet by the tv news having little news but full of opinions. These opinions are present with such words as could, would, should etc. to the extent many believe these opinions as truth.
This then leads people into false expectations of things that are/will be rarely achievable. Leading eventually to mental problems unless the truth of a matter can shown to them. Money and political aims are now what leads today's newspapers, our current GT is a prime example. This was a very good newspaper with many local news items, transferred into something which is far beyond it's hey day; a revamp of the old Grimsby Gazette.
I recall when I was at school we were taught to question as to why things happen and reason them through. Today I get the impression that a school is, in simplified terms, a factory that produces varying degrees of educated teenagers, every year. If the pupil asks too many questions or do not understand they are rejected as non compliant. I say this in general terms.
The culture is now inset in them because they have 'rights', and when these 'rights' are not fulfilled the young teenagers carry these problems into adult life; which manifest into mental heath problems.
I feel that I have not expressed these concerns with the right words, but I hope you get the gist of what I have said.
I’ve heard it said or implied that true contentment occurs when our thoughts, feelings and behaviours align to at least a minimum degree. From an early age we are embowed by outside influence and have conditions of worth imprinted on us mainly by parenting, institutions and society. It’s very easy to create a negative self image based upon what we hear, see and read which is bad news (pun intended) in today’s climate.
We live in an age in which news is 24 hours and we spend large amounts of our time connected in some way, shape or form. With the birth of (anti) social media, it gave a voice to millions of people who perhaps shouldn’t have a platform. The advent of the internet and phones has removed the barrier that speaking face to face protected. Anything, everything and a lot of the time hateful things are espoused by racist Dave down the road or gossip mongering Karen up the street, bigoted Tommy in Reading or angry and bitter sally from south Shields on some inane talk show. Multiple kp that across every person and country across the globe and it’s all encompassing.
Opinions have replaced facts and popularity has overtaken good moral standing. We’re so busy being depressed about our pasts and anxious about our futures that we’re forgetting the here and now. We’re being force fed consumerism to the point we cannot be fulfilled unless we have the latest mobile, car or swanky pad. The system is set up that way because a satisfied and contented person isn’t buying and consuming.
Our instant, constant and relentless 24/7/365 lifestyles are not conducive to widespread good health and hence why mental health problems are so pervasive. It’s a sad state of affairs.
It’s a bit of a ramble granted but I feel better! 😂
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Having read through the last few posts, coming from 60 + years ago their were newspapers which printed NEWS, which were obviously politically biased. Today the same titles aided and abet by the tv news having little news but full of opinions. These opinions are present with such words as could, would, should etc. to the extent many believe these opinions as truth.
This then leads people into false expectations of things that are/will be rarely achievable. Leading eventually to mental problems unless the truth of a matter can shown to them. Money and political aims are now what leads today's newspapers, our current GT is a prime example. This was a very good newspaper with many local news items, transferred into something which is far beyond it's hey day; a revamp of the old Grimsby Gazette.
I recall when I was at school we were taught to question as to why things happen and reason them through. Today I get the impression that a school is, in simplified terms, a factory that produces varying degrees of educated teenagers, every year. If the pupil asks too many questions or do not understand they are rejected as non compliant. I say this in general terms.
The culture is now inset in them because they have 'rights', and when these 'rights' are not fulfilled the young teenagers carry these problems into adult life; which manifest into mental heath problems.
I feel that I have not expressed these concerns with the right words, but I hope you get the gist of what I have said.
I think you have explained it well.
I have two daughters still at school, one at uni and one son who graduated last year. I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of current education. I have to say it’s better on the whole than it was in my day (68-81).
I don’t think them having expectations of rights causes them problems any more than being fed low expectations, but I see where you’re coming from. I think my girls are fully aware that the world isn’t fair so I don’t think that will cause a particular problem. Every generation has issues where they feel the need to assert their rights.
I’ve also worked with many young people (as young colleagues) and I have to say that on the whole they are much better prepared for the world of modern work.
IMO it’s other pressures that are causing mental ill health in young people. Despite getting a better education, school can be more stressful (too much testing), other kids can be arseholes, financial worries, social media, individualism.....globalisation means that they are competing for work against talented, hard-working people from around the world*. I can see it happening in my career and thank my lucky stars I am the age I am and have experience and have English as my mother tongue, but those advantages are likely to diminish.
* and I don’t think that’s a genie that can be put back in the bottle
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
I’ve heard it said or implied that true contentment occurs when our thoughts, feelings and behaviours align to at least a minimum degree. From an early age we are embowed by outside influence and have conditions of worth imprinted on us mainly by parenting, institutions and society. It’s very easy to create a negative self image based upon what we hear, see and read which is bad news (pun intended) in today’s climate.
We live in an age in which news is 24 hours and we spend large amounts of our time connected in some way, shape or form. With the birth of (anti) social media, it gave a voice to millions of people who perhaps shouldn’t have a platform. The advent of the internet and phones has removed the barrier that speaking face to face protected. Anything, everything and a lot of the time hateful things are espoused by racist Dave down the road or gossip mongering Karen up the street, bigoted Tommy in Reading or angry and bitter sally from south Shields on some inane talk show. Multiple kp that across every person and country across the globe and it’s all encompassing.
Opinions have replaced facts and popularity has overtaken good moral standing. We’re so busy being depressed about our pasts and anxious about our futures that we’re forgetting the here and now. We’re being force fed consumerism to the point we cannot be fulfilled unless we have the latest mobile, car or swanky pad. The system is set up that way because a satisfied and contented person isn’t buying and consuming.
Our instant, constant and relentless 24/7/365 lifestyles are not conducive to widespread good health and hence why mental health problems are so pervasive. It’s a sad state of affairs.
It’s a bit of a ramble granted but I feel better! 😂
Don't dwell in the past, don't dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment- Buddha.
This is what I try to do. I made a conscious decision to stop watching the news, reading newspapers and getting too het up about politics and things I could not control. They call it mindfulness nowadays, but I reached that conclusion by myself some years ago. I've also never got into twitter and facebook, or any other type of social media. I only visit a couple of forums on a regular basis, with this being one.
Hardly anyone nowadays just sits and takes in their surroundings. The sea, the wind, the birdsong, whatever. People have forgotten how to be silent and thoughtful.
My panic attacks and anxiety stemmed from my childhood.
My mother has suffered with mental illness on and off for most of her life although it's calming down now she is in her eighties.
She was sectioned many times when I was a child and beyond which scarred my dad and I pretty bad.
At one point my late father wouldn't go anywhere without his bike so he could rush back home if panic set in bless him.
Our GP's at the time didn't understand mental heath and told us basically to man up and get on with it, which wasn't what we needed so we moved to a specialist that helped my dad and I immensely.
I could write a book about it, she drove our Austin Allegro onto the middle of Hewitt's Circus roundabout one time and disappeared into the night.
Thank you for sharing this. I know for a fact in the late 60's early 70's mental health was treat as a 'joke' by most people including doctors. People with mental health problems in those days were treat by many as stupid and had the micky taken.
I recall a young man at that time, mid 30's say, was looking at a wall map of aircraft routes around the world in a transport office. The man looked quite bright but had been placed in a post room due to his mental health. Someone questioned him to take the micky, long story short, he was challenged to say how long it would take to travel from Heathrow to Vancouver.
After discussing the aircraft and route he borrowed a calculator. When his time was check he was 1 minute out! Turned out he ex air traffic controller who due to the nature of the job over did it.
It's slightly better today as most GP's are aware of mental heath issues, that said the resources are infantile compared to medical heath.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Don't dwell in the past, don't dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment- Buddha.
This is what I try to do. I made a conscious decision to stop watching the news, reading newspapers and getting too het up about politics and things I could not control. They call it mindfulness nowadays, but I reached that conclusion by myself some years ago. I've also never got into twitter and facebook, or any other type of social media. I only visit a couple of forums on a regular basis, with this being one.
Hardly anyone nowadays just sits and takes in their surroundings. The sea, the wind, the birdsong, whatever. People have forgotten how to be silent and thoughtful.
You make an excellent points here. Too much expectations by many on triviality over which most have little or no control and benefit. This leads to stress, anxiety and tension causing mental health issues. What did people do before the mobile phone? They certainly had more time to consider in detail their thoughts, contemplate their surrounding more and take time out.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
I’ve heard it said or implied that true contentment occurs when our thoughts, feelings and behaviours align to at least a minimum degree. From an early age we are embowed by outside influence and have conditions of worth imprinted on us mainly by parenting, institutions and society. It’s very easy to create a negative self image based upon what we hear, see and read which is bad news (pun intended) in today’s climate.
We live in an age in which news is 24 hours and we spend large amounts of our time connected in some way, shape or form. With the birth of (anti) social media, it gave a voice to millions of people who perhaps shouldn’t have a platform. The advent of the internet and phones has removed the barrier that speaking face to face protected. Anything, everything and a lot of the time hateful things are espoused by racist Dave down the road or gossip mongering Karen up the street, bigoted Tommy in Reading or angry and bitter sally from south Shields on some inane talk show. Multiple kp that across every person and country across the globe and it’s all encompassing.
Opinions have replaced facts and popularity has overtaken good moral standing. We’re so busy being depressed about our pasts and anxious about our futures that we’re forgetting the here and now. We’re being force fed consumerism to the point we cannot be fulfilled unless we have the latest mobile, car or swanky pad. The system is set up that way because a satisfied and contented person isn’t buying and consuming.
Our instant, constant and relentless 24/7/365 lifestyles are not conducive to widespread good health and hence why mental health problems are so pervasive. It’s a sad state of affairs.
It’s a bit of a ramble granted but I feel better! 😂
Nothing wrong with a good ramble, help to clear the mind. I do think you hit the nail on the head about moral standings.
Their are none any more in todays life to, I would say, over 99.5% of the population and is all about me/self. What's in it for me, how can I benefit etc. No morals or thoughts for others and it has nearly destroyed the society I grew up in as a child.
This unfortunately also adds to the pressures of mental health and will not change.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Nothing wrong with a good ramble, help to clear the mind. I do think you hit the nail on the head about moral standings.
Their are none any more in todays life to, I would say, over 99.5% of the population and is all about me/self. What's in it for me, how can I benefit etc. No morals or thoughts for others and it has nearly destroyed the society I grew up in as a child.
This unfortunately also adds to the pressures of mental health and will not change.
Gotta question why society has become more individualistic DB. The market was placed at the centre of life. This has led economic and political thinking for over 40 years. People keep voting for the party who promote individualism.
When people do show care for other people they’re branded ‘snowflakes’ and generally trashed. Terms like ‘the offence industry’ are used. People striving to bring about greater fairness in society are attacked verbally in the media, social media and sometimes physically. Sometimes you hear stuff like ‘I had it tough growing up in the’ 50s/60s/70s or whenever. ‘I had to work hard’. As if to say other people’s experience doesn’t count or that because one person didn’t have it easy other people should be treated unfairly.
Ironically it’s the often same people who say let the migrants crossing the Channel drown - people who have probably had it far tougher than the old bloke giving it the ‘I had it hard in my day’ routine.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
When people do show care for other people they’re branded ‘snowflakes’ and generally trashed. Terms like ‘the offence industry’ are used. People striving to bring about greater fairness in society are attacked verbally in the media, social media and sometimes physically. Sometimes you hear stuff like ‘I had it tough growing up in the’ 50s/60s/70s or whenever. ‘I had to work hard’. As if to say other people’s experience doesn’t count or that because one person didn’t have it easy other people should be treated unfairly.
Sadly, this is absolutely spot on. I think a lot of people lack the self awareness to see beyond their own frame of reference.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Gotta question why society has become more individualistic DB. The market was placed at the centre of life. This has led economic and political thinking for over 40 years. People keep voting for the party who promote individualism.
When people do show care for other people they’re branded ‘snowflakes’ and generally trashed. Terms like ‘the offence industry’ are used. People striving to bring about greater fairness in society are attacked verbally in the media, social media and sometimes physically. Sometimes you hear stuff like ‘I had it tough growing up in the’ 50s/60s/70s or whenever. ‘I had to work hard’. As if to say other people’s experience doesn’t count or that because one person didn’t have it easy other people should be treated unfairly.
Ironically it’s the often same people who say let the migrants crossing the Channel drown - people who have probably had it far tougher than the old bloke giving it the ‘I had it hard in my day’ routine.
I was brought up in the early 50's after the troubles of WW2. People had suffered together, friends relations and know people had died in the war. The general atmosphere was that of helping each other because it was a part of life after the war years.
We had won the war and everybody wanted something better after all those years of hardship. A new dawn that has gradually evolved into present day life. If it's new the theory is it's better but alas as the saying goes you don't know what you've got till it's gone! I know from my experience when told how a change was going to make things better, and I questioned it pointing out it would be worse, being told I was negative even though I had facts to prove my case.
I know I'm generalising but the few individuals over the years have been held up as role models and the reason behind their success ignored, because they made things better!, but better for who?
i.e. The man who, allegedly, borrowed his friends untaxed uninsured car without the permission of his friend to move his stock around London. Very illegal, criminal anti social and extremely selfish dangerous and could inflict damage to the public. The name I was given was RICHARD BRANSON. Says it all really.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Gotta question why society has become more individualistic DB. The market was placed at the centre of life. This has led economic and political thinking for over 40 years. People keep voting for the party who promote individualism.
When people do show care for other people they’re branded ‘snowflakes’ and generally trashed. Terms like ‘the offence industry’ are used. People striving to bring about greater fairness in society are attacked verbally in the media, social media and sometimes physically. Sometimes you hear stuff like ‘I had it tough growing up in the’ 50s/60s/70s or whenever. ‘I had to work hard’. As if to say other people’s experience doesn’t count or that because one person didn’t have it easy other people should be treated unfairly.
Ironically it’s the often same people who say let the migrants crossing the Channel drown - people who have probably had it far tougher than the old bloke giving it the ‘I had it hard in my day’ routine.
This surely cannot be true. Even allowing for the voting bit, we have had a state led caring system (how good is irrelevant here) since 1948. We could just as easily argue that this has made people blasé about individual caring and pass the job from individuals to professionals and then moan it is not good enough or underfunded or whatever.
I simply detest being told when and where and how to care. That responsibility is mine alone not some woke twerp like Prince Harry or William or some footballer or media personality, or mass movement on Twitter. I have spent my whole life caring, professionally and personally and the latter is how it should be but I don’t expect or demand caring in return. What people want to give is up to them. When an issue arises I make a decision, do I care enough about neglect of children, cruelty to tigers, BLM, mental health, ex-service personnel........ to make a sacrifice? Am I able to help my poorly relative or neighbour in some way? If I think it’s worthwhile and I can then fine, if not then that issue misses out.
This covid isolation is an example. Round here we have done what we can for each other and looked out for each other but nobody has been pestering other people to do things and it has worked fine.
“If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.” ― John Stuart Mill, On Liberty."
This surely cannot be true. Even allowing for the voting bit, we have had a state led caring system (how good is irrelevant here) since 1948. We could just as easily argue that this has made people blasé about individual caring and pass the job from individuals to professionals and then moan it is not good enough or underfunded or whatever.
I simply detest being told when and where and how to care. That responsibility is mine alone not some woke twerp like Prince Harry or William or some footballer or media personality, or mass movement on Twitter. I have spent my whole life caring, professionally and personally and the latter is how it should be but I don’t expect or demand caring in return. What people want to give is up to them. When an issue arises I make a decision, do I care enough about neglect of children, cruelty to tigers, BLM, mental health, ex-service personnel........ to make a sacrifice? Am I able to help my poorly relative or neighbour in some way? If I think it’s worthwhile and I can then fine, if not then that issue misses out.
This covid isolation is an example. Round here we have done what we can for each other and looked out for each other but nobody has been pestering other people to do things and it has worked fine.
Who said anything about pestering? I don’t give two hoots about what any royals or slebs say. There’s plenty of ordinary people who support causes promoting fairness because they think it’s the right thing to do. But they’re overlooked or dismissed as woke, snowflakes and seen as mere dupes to celebrities and royals.
The only reason we continue to have the NHS is it would be political suicide to do away with it. I can’t see how it has made people less caring having this safety net. Everything else has been run down or sold off in the last 40 years.
Generally society is less caring than it was. We had food banks even before Covid. We never used to have any. The only homeless people 40 years ago were tramps. In one of the richest countries in the world. If that ain’t a sign of a society that cares less than it used to, God knows what is. I’m alright jack.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
Who said anything about pestering? I don’t give two hoots about what any royals or slebs say. There’s plenty of ordinary people who support causes promoting fairness because they think it’s the right thing to do. But they’re overlooked or dismissed as woke, snowflakes and seen as mere dupes to celebrities and royals.
The only reason we continue to have the NHS is it would be political suicide to do away with it. I can’t see how it has made people less caring having this safety net. Everything else has been run down or sold off in the last 40 years.
Generally society is less caring than it was. We had food banks even before Covid. We never used to have any. The only homeless people 40 years ago were tramps. In one of the richest countries in the world. If that ain’t a sign of a society that cares less than it used to, God knows what is. I’m alright jack.
Interesting to read that once again Finland has been acknowledged as the happiest and most content nation. Not sure what they are doing, or what lessons there are to be learnt?
A tweet from the Finnish embassy in America stated-
"Our #happiness stems from a balanced everyday life, supported by good governance, trust, wellbeing and equality. The pandemic has not changed this long-lasting foundation."
Sounds a cliche, but work life balance was one of the key indicators in many of the top 10.
Politics alert.....I think the Thatcher government encouraged selfishness and made it a virtue to be last out the office or work 70+ hours. The dismantling of unions has led to a fearful, uncertain and often unprotected workforce. How can this not increase anxiety and depression?
Just my two penneth.
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
Mental health has been a problem for decades and totally ignored by various parties. A prime example of this is main stream hospitals which have no or limit facilities for people with mental issues, as previously posted.
You may recall that their use to be St Johns Hospital, Bracebridge Heath, Lincoln for people with mental health problems. This site is now a housing estate, patients released years ago into public life with little if any help. No replacement hospital for the public has been built.
People with mental health problems desperately need help for most of the time in some way shape or form and get very little, if any. I don't like the term but 'Their on their own' with family help where possible.
It's no good looking back and bickering Tories/Labour did or didn't do this or that. We have many years where one or the other party dominated the nations government and both did absolutely nothing. They could but failed because neither cared sufficiently to do anything.
I would love to suggest a solution but I can't see a permanent one. We can only help those in need when ever we can.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Mental health has been a problem for decades and totally ignored by various parties. A prime example of this is main stream hospitals which have no or limit facilities for people with mental issues, as previously posted.
You may recall that their use to be St Johns Hospital, Bracebridge Heath, Lincoln for people with mental health problems. This site is now a housing estate, patients released years ago into public life with little if any help. No replacement hospital for the public has been built.
People with mental health problems desperately need help for most of the time in some way shape or form and get very little, if any. I don't like the term but 'Their on their own' with family help where possible.
It's no good looking back and bickering Tories/Labour did or didn't do this or that. We have many years where one or the other party dominated the nations government and both did absolutely nothing. They could but failed because neither cared sufficiently to do anything.
I would love to suggest a solution but I can't see a permanent one. We can only help those in need when ever we can.
Surely it can't be disputed that mental health is closely linked with how society behaves and how individuals perceive their role within the framework. If you feel valued, useful and have a clear purpose your mental health undoubtedly improves. If you look at indigenous tribes there isn't even a word for depression.
Now I am not suggesting we return to a hunter gatherer lifestyle but it would he arrogant to think we can't learn lessons from other nations/tribes/historic lifestyles.
Quite clearly balance is key. I certainly don't envy the youth of today and the cut throat, 24/7 and selfish world they will have to navigate.
Look up the writings and research of Johann Hari and Stephen llardi. Very enlightening!
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
What a thoughtful, honest and at times moving thread. All credit to those that have bared their souls to help others.
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
. . Some take their lives not because they wanted to die necessarily but simply because they didn’t want to live like they were anymore. Again I find this incredibly touching.
I was only just discussing this last week with the wife, Would these people in your opinion be classed as having mental health issues? My wife thinks yes I disagree.
I was only just discussing this last week with the wife, Would these people in your opinion be classed as having mental health issues? My wife thinks yes I disagree.
I think yes and a term 'logically illogical' comes to mind. If I can put it another way all the bricks fall into place but theirs's no cement to hold them together. They are looking down a long road with no perceived light at the end of it, no exit strategy for their problem which has become unsurmountable to them. They may have spoken to somebody indirectly and told to man up!, or words to that effect and the person they spoke to didn't realise it was call for help.
Americans sometimes use the word situation, meaning their is a way round a situation. You don't know what it is but you'll find one. Sorry I laboured on a bit but I think your wife is right.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
There is always a reason but sometimes people will just have had enough of life, hard to contemplate but there will be some who have got so bored with it all suicide is the best way out. Then we have people who decide to end it through shame usually religious but not always, a broken heart, terminal illness, etc, many reasons but definitely not mental health related in my opinion.
I think the words ‘mental health’ needs to be redefined as it’s to close to ‘mental illness’ we band the word mental health around to easily these days, someone locked up in Broadmoor because he believes he’s the Devil and wants to kill all mankind, will obviously be suffering from a form of mental health/illness. But then someone who goes off sick with depression because he’s gambled all his wages will also be classed as suffering mental health the meaning is getting watered down the longer it carry’s on. We have reached a point where everybody knows somebody who is suffering mental health these days, this wasn’t normal 20 years ago.
Mental health has been a problem for decades and totally ignored by various parties. A prime example of this is main stream hospitals which have no or limit facilities for people with mental issues, as previously posted.
You may recall that their use to be St Johns Hospital, Bracebridge Heath, Lincoln for people with mental health problems. This site is now a housing estate, patients released years ago into public life with little if any help. No replacement hospital for the public has been built.
People with mental health problems desperately need help for most of the time in some way shape or form and get very little, if any. I don't like the term but 'Their on their own' with family help where possible.
It's no good looking back and bickering Tories/Labour did or didn't do this or that. We have many years where one or the other party dominated the nations government and both did absolutely nothing. They could but failed because neither cared sufficiently to do anything.
I would love to suggest a solution but I can't see a permanent one. We can only help those in need when ever we can.
The Catholic Church made suicide a sin centuries ago and refused burial in consecrated ground, so clearly mental health has been a problem for some people for a lot longer than decades. But I agree about the bickering bit. My great great grandfather hung himself in the 1870s but the reason could hardly be down to Gladstone. He was ill. The family paid for a nurse with lunatic asylum experience but it didn’t stop him. Money and politics are not the simple answers.
“If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.” ― John Stuart Mill, On Liberty."
Surely it can't be disputed that mental health is closely linked with how society behaves and how individuals perceive their role within the framework. If you feel valued, useful and have a clear purpose your mental health undoubtedly improves. If you look at indigenous tribes there isn't even a word for depression.
Now I am not suggesting we return to a hunter gatherer lifestyle but it would he arrogant to think we can't learn lessons from other nations/tribes/historic lifestyles.
Quite clearly balance is key. I certainly don't envy the youth of today and the cut throat, 24/7 and selfish world they will have to navigate.
Look up the writings and research of Johann Hari and Stephen llardi. Very enlightening!
Yes it can be disputed. Mental illness can be just that - illness with no apparent cause. In fact I would argue that the actual illnesses are only peripherally the result of society. More often they are about personal tragedy, bereavement, depression about a personal issue, hereditary or congenital. I am not saying your other issues don’t count, they do. But catch all causes and solutions do not help in analysing the individual paranoia or schizophrenia or just the depression we all get now and again. There are many types of mental illness from that short lived depression to lifelong epilepsy. Some can be cured but some just have to be lived with like such physical conditions as diabetes.
“If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.” ― John Stuart Mill, On Liberty."
My great great grandfather hung himself in the 1870s but the reason could hardly be down to Gladstone. He was ill. The family paid for a nurse with lunatic asylum experience but it didn’t stop him. Money and politics are not the simple answers.
Iam sorry to hear that Ron.
Its sad that in his day some vulnerable people couldn't cope and felt suicide was the only way out. What I would say is I think mental health asylums have improved from what they were. In times gone past it was atrocious what them places were like.
Its sad that in his day some vulnerable people couldn't cope and felt suicide was the only way out. What I would say is I think mental health asylums have improved from what they were. In times gone past it was atrocious what them places were like.
He was a Lincolnshire farmer and appears to have suffered dementia for some time.
My aunt on the other side of the family was a sister in a mental hospital until retirement in the mid-60s. It was like any other institution, it depended on the particular mix of people at a particular time. She would say the women were less manageable than the men but by the 50s medication had advanced a lot. The problem was that once discharged there was no compulsion on ex-patients to continue with medication or even to keep contact with the hospital. This is something we see over and over again today with attacks on innocents for no reason by ex-patients off their medication. Now, where is the answer? Even in the 50s there was a battle between lock ‘em up and care in the community, won by the latter. But the rights of the individual take priority once outside those hospital gates.
“If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.” ― John Stuart Mill, On Liberty."
I was only just discussing this last week with the wife, Would these people in your opinion be classed as having mental health issues? My wife thinks yes I disagree.
I don’t think my opinion, judgment or labels are important, who am I to judge?
Every person suffers mental ill health differently and has their own unique set of circumstances.
However someone gets there I just believe wholeheartedly that support should be readily available for those that require it.
I know I may come across as ‘woolly’ but perhaps naively, I’d like anyone suffering to have access to treatment before they get to the stage, in which suicide is an option.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
There is always a reason but sometimes people will just have had enough of life, hard to contemplate but there will be some who have got so bored with it all suicide is the best way out. Then we have people who decide to end it through shame usually religious but not always, a broken heart, terminal illness, etc, many reasons but definitely not mental health related in my opinion.
I think the words ‘mental health’ needs to be redefined as it’s to close to ‘mental illness’ we band the word mental health around to easily these days, someone locked up in Broadmoor because he believes he’s the Devil and wants to kill all mankind, will obviously be suffering from a form of mental health/illness. But then someone who goes off sick with depression because he’s gambled all his wages will also be classed as suffering mental health the meaning is getting watered down the longer it carry’s on. We have reached a point where everybody knows somebody who is suffering mental health these days, this wasn’t normal 20 years ago.
It was their 20 years and longer ago. The problem in those days was that the carpet huge, bigger than a cricket ground, and their were many brushes. With reference to your gambler man I think I would describe him as down rather than depressed, my reason being he's looking for his next winner,
Their is definitely different types of mental illness from the extremes of schizophrenia to mild depression which may be overcome with time. The problem is how people come to terms with their illness, how much(in terms of input) the doctors want to give and how much we can help our fellow human beings.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Yes it can be disputed. Mental illness can be just that - illness with no apparent cause. In fact I would argue that the actual illnesses are only peripherally the result of society. More often they are about personal tragedy, bereavement, depression about a personal issue, hereditary or congenital. I am not saying your other issues don’t count, they do. But catch all causes and solutions do not help in analysing the individual paranoia or schizophrenia or just the depression we all get now and again. There are many types of mental illness from that short lived depression to lifelong epilepsy. Some can be cured but some just have to be lived with like such physical conditions as diabetes.
I am sorry to hear about your great grandfather. Hopefully the problems he had would be treated differently today. I can whole heartedly agree with your above comments and what you say probably applies to more people than we suspect.
You go to the doctors and a friend/someone you know. How are you, I'm alright how are you? O I'm alright. Bloody liars, neither are alright or they wouldn't be at the doctors!
Our reluctance to admit our health problems seems to be inbred in the majority of us. As for me I suffer from something called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Chronic Pain Syndrome/Fibromyalgia depending upon crossing T's and dotting's. I self diagnosed after 2 years of various symptoms which my GP at that time didn't recognise.
I was looking at this pain thing called fibromyalgia on the internet and saw I had 38 of the 40 symptoms. A consultant told me the Good News, it's not going to kill you. The bad news, we can't cure it as we don't know what causes it and pain killers wont help. The pain clinic consultant told me he thought my nerve ends were shot and offered me drugs which, although would numb the pain, would not give me any quality of life. I forgot about the drugs.
I know about pain, depression, tension, stress and anxiety. High and lows some sleep, no sleep no motivation, no energy; as I said about 38 in total not all at the same time. Pain, anxiety and motivation are the worst, which usually double up on me most days coupled with old age which doesn't help.
If I walked passed you in the street you wouldn't know. Basically I cannot be cured and medication is of little help so you may wonder how the hell do I manage. Firstly I never want sympathy but understanding, I do what I can when I can. Being optimistic and positive about my life ( you might have guessed ) enjoy the good days and when the bad days are here then I look forward to the good days coming. In the bad days do anything make a cup of tea, slice of toast so you can look back at achieving something that day. Laughing, joking and the banter on The Fishy board help, even if I'm the but of somebody's post. My glass is always half full, but not my empty wine glass!
Decades ago I was told about life being put into 3 box's;
The Doing Box, If you are able do want you can and solve your problem;
The Asking Box, Do what you can but if you need help to solve a problem don't be afraid to ask; and lastly the most important box which has pulled me out of many a depression.
The Sod All Box, in other words it doesn't matter what the problem is, and you can't fix, and the people you ask for help can't fix then theirs only one solution. Forget it because all the worrying in the world is not going to change it.
And finally my ultimatum pick me up that if the above fails this doesn't. I am not going to die with what I have but if you had terminal cancer and told you have, say, 15 days to live. Today is day 17, thankfully I don't have to cope with that type of situation. In other word their is always someone worse than you, and it's true.
I also have, which I know some will disagree with, is my belief in Jesus Christ and an eternal life. I have had that belief for decades, prior to this illness, and without it, at a very dark point in my life, would probably have been another statistic.
I sincerely hope that this testament helps anybody that reads it, their relations, friends or neighbours, even my red cross people on The Fishy cope with todays pressures of mental illness.
PS
My normal defence mechanism is to box things up with nails, super glue and clamps because people do not want to understand. I have opened my box in the hope that I may save one life.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
If I walked passed you in the street you wouldn't know. Basically I cannot be cured and medication is of little help so you may wonder how the hell do I manage. Firstly I never want sympathy but understanding, I do what I can when I can. Being optimistic and positive about my life ( you might have guessed ) enjoy the good days and when the bad days are here then I look forward to the good days coming. In the bad days do anything make a cup of tea, slice of toast so you can look back at achieving something that day. Laughing, joking and the banter on The Fishy board help, even if I'm the but of somebody's post. My glass is always half full, but not my empty wine glass!
One day at a time as the song goes!
I actually think we already live in a society that does much for people with mental issues. Some of it we get wrong but a lot we get right. For example children do not run along behind maimed soldiers calling names. They don’t break bottles behind shell shock victims to make them scream. Both were not uncommon in the 1920s. So we have changed our public attitudes to a considerable degree.
At the same time Mental health provision in the C20th gets a bad press sometimes unfairly. Those big hospitals so forbidding colour our opinions but they were once state of the art and so was much of the treatment. Stanley Royd and Storthes Hall in Yorkshire had therapeutic treatments for PTSD sufferers that were developed in late Victorian times.
Of course sedative drugs were used extensively to keep patients calm and ECT used overmuch. But this is where C21st treatment falls down regardless of whatever kindnesses are offered by other individuals. How do we know if the drug cocktails and chemical coshes used today are any more long term effective than those from years past?. Look at how children are being routinely diagnosed with attention deficit disorder simply as a convenient way of dealing with bad behaviour. I think we might find that many of the teenagers and 20+ with mental health issues started on the road through this and exacerbated by their own drug use. When they mature they will never have the mental wherewithal to do your self-help routine DB.
“If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.” ― John Stuart Mill, On Liberty."
It was their 20 years and longer ago. The problem in those days was that the carpet huge, bigger than a cricket ground, and their were many brushes. With reference to your gambler man I think I would describe him as down rather than depressed, my reason being he's looking for his next winner,
Their is definitely different types of mental illness from the extremes of schizophrenia to mild depression which may be overcome with time. The problem is how people come to terms with their illness, how much(in terms of input) the doctors want to give and how much we can help our fellow human beings.
I think you missed my point slightly, 20 years ago people at my place of work would take sick days off with a bad back, these days it’s now depression. I don’t want to play down what must be a harrowing experience for many people, especially to those who have posted their personal problems on here, Which was very moving and opened my eyes to how widespread mental health can reach.
But we now live in a society where school kids are diagnosed with mental health disorders in bigger numbers, reports vary but I’ve seen statistics as low as 1 in 6....This is crazy! And my worry is as more and more children are being diagnosed for nothing more than the worries of childhood, then the kids that are really suffering will miss out on the treatment they desperately need.
But we now live in a society where school kids are diagnosed with mental health disorders in bigger numbers, reports vary but I’ve seen statistics as low as 1 in 6....This is crazy! And my worry is as more and more children are being diagnosed for nothing more than the worries of childhood, then the kids that are really suffering will miss out on the treatment they desperately need.
Per the British Journal of Psychiatry, 1 in 7 of young adults have ‘hurt themselves on purpose in an attempt to end their life’ by the age of 17.
Assuming those surveyed were being truthful, they are staggering figures.
I think you missed my point slightly, 20 years ago people at my place of work would take sick days off with a bad back, these days it’s now depression. I don’t want to play down what must be a harrowing experience for many people, especially to those who have posted their personal problems on here, Which was very moving and opened my eyes to how widespread mental health can reach.
But we now live in a society where school kids are diagnosed with mental health disorders in bigger numbers, reports vary but I’ve seen statistics as low as 1 in 6....This is crazy! And my worry is as more and more children are being diagnosed for nothing more than the worries of childhood, then the kids that are really suffering will miss out on the treatment they desperately need.
Thank you for explaining and I now see what you mean. From what you say and your descriptions I tend to think that none of these type of cases, generally speaking, are mental illness but of stretching of symptoms to make out mental illness. On the pitch we call it coning the ref..
Perhaps a lot of this goes down to an old saying of spare the rod and spoil the child. Children today know their rights and play up to them, for no reason at all but to be little bug gers. I think this applies to parents but hit a child, slap on the legs, it's assault child brutality assaulted by cruel parents and woe betide a teacher doing it. When I was at school a class mate cheeked a teacher who then went to slap him, my class mate ducked and the returning backhander didn't miss.
We are now well and truly into a nanny state where anything goes to get someone their own way. Disability and mental illness has become, to some, a means of getting what they want regardless of the true illness if any that they suffer from.
The problem of people pretending to be mentally ill could be greater than those who are ill; consequently taking vital resources from those who really need it
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Per the British Journal of Psychiatry, 1 in 7 of young adults have ‘hurt themselves on purpose in an attempt to end their life’ by the age of 17.
Assuming those surveyed were being truthful, they are staggering figures.
Extremely sad yet entirely believable statistics. Having worked with young people for the last 11 years the evidence of self harm is increasingly prevalent.
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
Extremely sad yet entirely believable statistics. Having worked with young people for the last 11 years the evidence of self harm is increasingly prevalent.
You do have wonder what is the cause. Peer pressure, great expectations of them from relative, couldn't cope with the world outside school, any suggestions on this?
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
You do have wonder what is the cause. Peer pressure, great expectations of them from relative, couldn't cope with the world outside school, any suggestions on this?
IMO, all of the above are factors. Personally, I share the theory that technological advancements have been so rapid in the last 30 years that our brains are literally overloaded. Your average teenager is so over stimulated that they struggle to be present in silence.
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
IMO, all of the above are factors. Personally, I share the theory that technological advancements have been so rapid in the last 30 years that our brains are literally overloaded. Your average teenager is so over stimulated that they struggle to be present in silence.
I would agree with you their and probably most of the data they look at is rubbish, just presented to them in a manner that they do not want to miss out to look stupid to their friends.
Edit. I have just read about an accident at Humberston in which a school girl was involved with a motor vehicle and taken to hospital. A parent said "My son saw this on his way home from school. He said it was awful. He felt sick and was a bit upset when he got home".
To put this into perspective of todays school children and when I was at school. I would have been about 12 yrs old and on a Monday morning the lad from 2 desks behind was missing. Twagging it again everybody thought and then we were not allowed into assembly at the usual time, we were kept back and let in last (last in first out). He had experimented with a gas in a plastic bag over his head and a friend whipped the bag of quick. Regrettably on that occasion the friend wasn't their.
Assembly was silenced and we returned to our classroom. No counselling, no would you like to go home, sit, cry or whatever would happen today. Everything carried on as if nothing had happened.
Today a minor RTA is upsetting! Between the 60's and today something major has happened to the mental welfare of children and what was once a strong mind to carry on, has been reduced to one of barely coping.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Per the British Journal of Psychiatry, 1 in 7 of young adults have ‘hurt themselves on purpose in an attempt to end their life’ by the age of 17.
Assuming those surveyed were being truthful, they are staggering figures.
I would imagine these figures would look even more alarming if they added to them the amount of children who self harm, not as a way to end their lives but as a coping mechanism to deal with their problems.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
To put this into perspective of todays school children and when I was at school. I would have been about 12 yrs old and on a Monday morning the lad from 2 desks behind was missing. Twagging it again everybody thought and then we were not allowed into assembly at the usual time, we were kept back and let in last (last in first out). He had experimented with a gas in a plastic bag over his head and a friend whipped the bag of quick. Regrettably on that occasion the friend wasn't their.
Assembly was silenced and we returned to our classroom. No counselling, no would you like to go home, sit, cry or whatever would happen today. Everything carried on as if nothing had happened.
I can appreciate that DB. I know someone as well who's dad died when he was in primary school due to illness. Was at school the next day. He also had a problematic family background . The combination of all these factors and never properly dealing with his grief meant it affects him to this day. He even admits now he should have taken time out to grieve properly and not push it to the back of his mind.
Per the British Journal of Psychiatry, 1 in 7 of young adults have ‘hurt themselves on purpose in an attempt to end their life’ by the age of 17.
Assuming those surveyed were being truthful, they are staggering figures.
That is amazing. You mean that at least one person in every football team has self harmed in an suicide attempt? I find it very hard to believe such a statistic. They must be extrapolating from somewhere or some respondents were telling porkies.
“If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.” ― John Stuart Mill, On Liberty."
That is amazing. You mean that at least one person in every football team has self harmed in an suicide attempt? I find it very hard to believe such a statistic. They must be extrapolating from somewhere or some respondents were telling porkies.
Doesn’t sound right to me either, although I’d imagine it has nothing to do with participants lying.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I found this very interesting and thank you for posting it. I wondered about the alcohol abuse and if it has increased over the years due to the off-license law change. Those of a certain age will remember that supermarkets, corner shops etc. could not serve alcohol and it could only be bought through an off-license.
This changed decades ago and now nobody cares, lip service at its best describes the actions of the sale of booze. This is also the same in pubs, clubs, etc.. I fondly remember, being 17 !!!!!, at the time my local landlord telling his best customer "You've had too much, I don't want to lose my license so off you go and come back tomorrow when I'll gladly serve you." In today's drunken nightlife when was the last time, a landlord/manager lost his license for serving a drunk?
The other thing is the amount of money, Millions spent. We don't know how many, where, and when these millions will be spent. Will the cash help 10/ 100/1000, we don't know. London, Birmingham, etc? The cost of expenses in large cities is greater than the sticks, and what of the results, if any?
In my day mam kept on warning me about 'purple hearts' and today it's cannabis. Teenagers are not ignorant and can make their own choices, knowing the problems of drug taking.
At the end of the day, there is one thing that connects these problems in society, MONEY and the wish of the few to become rich on the pain of the many.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Given the current situation with the club, I wondered how many of us are going through stress, anxiety, tension, and depression problems; beit hopefully on a temporary basis. The extremely high expectation of the 3 months wait for the takeover to be taken away at the last minute, coupled with the near-certainty of relegation is a burden for many to take.
If anyone wants to PM me I'll do my best for you.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Given the current situation with the club, I wondered how many of us are going through stress, anxiety, tension, and depression problems; beit hopefully on a temporary basis. The extremely high expectation of the 3 months wait for the takeover to be taken away at the last minute, coupled with the near-certainty of relegation is a burden for many to take.
If anyone wants to PM me I'll do my best for you.
I think it’s really important to remember there are differences between being down about something as opposed to being medically depressed.
It’s also worth noting that being anxious about something is not the same as suffering with anxiety.
I don’t mean to sound patronising as I’m sure you know the difference and you’re only trying to be helpful (as usual I may add), but naysayers always target people as if they’re playing a ‘card’ when they confuse being unhappy with something rather than being genuinely ill with a mental health disorder.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I think it’s really important to remember there are differences between being down about something as opposed to being medically depressed.
It’s also worth noting that being anxious about something is not the same as suffering with anxiety.
I don’t mean to sound patronising as I’m sure you know the difference and you’re only trying to be helpful (as usual I may add), but naysayers always target people as if they’re playing a ‘card’ when they confuse being unhappy with something rather than being genuinely ill with a mental health disorder.
That was the reason for my post.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
I would imagine these figures would look even more alarming if they added to them the amount of children who self harm, not as a way to end their lives but as a coping mechanism to deal with their problems.
Shocking statistic where I read 2 years ago that 25% of teenage girls had self harmed for not feeling adequate looks wise eg comparing themselves to glossed up women in magazine articles etc .
On BBC news today. Iam glad the police found this on instagram " teenage suicide group" and raised awareness on it via national news.Children are vulnerable in teenage years and this is totally the wrong outlet and escape. From my experience with working with affected youth they need to realise there is always hope no matter how bad things seem in the present moment(relevant to wider circles as well).Keep fighting and never give in to the darkness which can affect some more than others in this life. Good will eventually prevail.
Imagine living in a society in which there are sufficient numbers of teenage girls with suicide ideation that it’s possible to create a ‘group’ on social media. Not only that but there are numbers in that group that are then willing to cause themselves serious harm together.
Such a sad indictment of where we find ourselves.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Imagine living in a society in which there are sufficient numbers of teenage girls with suicide ideation that it’s possible to create a ‘group’ on social media. Not only that but there are numbers in that group that are then willing to cause themselves serious harm together.
Such a sad indictment of where we find ourselves.
Yes its so sad to read. What is especially hard is for the parents who have to deal with the after effects of suicide. Just imagine burying your own child due to hanging or jumping in front of a train etc. Its hard at any age yet more so when there children.
My heart goes out to all the parents of such cases and those who have lost someone to suicide older . I hope from the bottom of my heart they find peace somewhere.
On BBC news today. Iam glad the police found this on instagram " teenage suicide group" and raised awareness on it via national news.Children are vulnerable in teenage years and this is totally the wrong outlet and escape. From my experience with working with affected youth they need to realise there is always hope no matter how bad things seem in the present moment(relevant to wider circles as well).Keep fighting and never give in to the darkness which can affect some more than others in this life. Good will eventually prevail.
I have just read this. I find it very hard to understand why the owners, Facebook, of the online site, do nothing. It's more or less knowing that a child is going to jump in front of a train/ car etc. and do nothing. Legally they may be right but morally they are the pits.
Facebook has no morals or cares about anybody's welfare or life. I don't do social media but the control of it by the government is far too lax. 7 figure fines for suicide deaths coming directly or indirectly from children dying using social media should be brought in. Sounds a severe fine but at the cost of a life it has no significance, merely a loss of profit on a sheet of paper.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
I have just read this. I find it very hard to understand why the owners, Facebook, of the online site, do nothing. It's more or less knowing that a child is going to jump in front of a train/ car etc. and do nothing. Legally they may be right but morally they are the pits.
Facebook has no morals or cares about anybody's welfare or life. I don't do social media but the control of it by the government is far too lax. 7 figure fines for suicide deaths coming directly or indirectly from children dying using social media should be brought in. Sounds a severe fine but at the cost of a life it has no significance, merely a loss of profit on a sheet of paper.
I dont really like facebook either. I used it for a bit then deactivated. I only use wattsapp now.
I think a lot more can be done though in schools to tackle bullying in all in its forms though like racism has in recent years . From talking to youngsters there's a lot of bullying that goes on due to someone's weight/looks/ social standing and even academic ability which is just as damaging as racist abuse . Some teachers are not always tough on the issue and even add to the problem though granted not all thank God and some are better than others in dealing with it . If left unchecked these issues can get worse over time for the victim and result in suicidal tendencies and suicide attempts .
I agree with you. All the bridge team is doing is moving the problem. They are solving nothing, what's more, they may push pedestrians to use the road causing more problems!
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
Plenty of small groups out there supporting folk, helping each other and their communities. Good job really, continued cuts in mental health support puts humongous pressure on everyone.
Good to see this thread has continued and has been on the whole supportive and celebratory rather than just a slanging match because one chap disagrees with another...
'the poor and the needy are selfish and greedy'...well done Mozza
Good to see this thread has continued and has been on the whole supportive and celebratory rather than just a slanging match because one chap disagrees with another...
I like your style and most of your messages Aldi .
I think the reason most are in agreement on the mental health thread is its paramount and goes above any political allegiances as is so often the case on the fishy which can lead to tension.
There are so many people suffering to various degrees. I can think of several people that I know very well, quite a high percentage*.
I don’t think you can ignore politics in this. The way we organise our economy, the way we organise work, the way we organise education. There are other approaches to these which seem to reduce the incidence.
* maybe it is just knowing me 😉
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
There are so many people suffering to various degrees. I can think of several people that I know very well, quite a high percentage*.
I don’t think you can ignore politics in this. The way we organise our economy, the way we organise work, the way we organise education. There are other approaches to these which seem to reduce the incidence.
* maybe it is just knowing me 😉
Your too modest Kingston. I thought it might be the opposite the way you kept on about Fenty, lack of facilities for training, etc. With the exception of Pen P and Fillipe I thought you might have cheered people up.
On a serious note, I think that sometimes the expectations that are put on people, particularly with money and luxuries, made out to be basics, are too much for them to cope with.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Yes, there is a lot of that type of thing*. People consuming stuff they don’t need and luxuries becoming basics, and then getting into debt. I know it’s personal choice at an individual level but it all adds up to a societal (and environmental) problem. Then you’ve got the counter to my old-fashioned argument “don’t waste your money, save up got a house” - but house rices are out of reach no matter how much I spend.
* my personal litmus is the emergence of nail bars
Thanks by the way DB
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
Your too modest Kingston. I thought it might be the opposite the way you kept on about Fenty, lack of facilities for training, etc. With the exception of Pen P and Fillipe I thought you might have cheered people up.
On a serious note, I think that sometimes the expectations that are put on people, particularly with money and luxuries, made out to be basics, are too much for them to cope with.
Societal pressures play a huge part in mental health. Whilst we can tell people, more often the younger elements that this desire for instant fame or cash isn’t healthy, it’s still seemingly important to them.
The fact ‘influencer’ is recognised as a job tells you everything.
The wife watches ‘Glow up’ on bbc3. The make up artists are very good and extremely creative but so many want to be a ‘household name’, like that’s the most important thing. They miss the irony in the fact that the geezer presenting the show isn’t really famous, not outside of make up circles but had had a long and illustrious career working for some enormous companies and brands etc.
This desire for instant fame and cash plays a huge pet in affecting mental health and self esteem. These ‘tiktokers’ who believe they’re a household name and have made a few quid, are they prepared for the fall which will inevitably happen in an ever more increasing material and one use world? Again, kind of ironic really, we’ve become much more aware of protecting the planet, multi use packaging etc, we have a greater understanding of mental health (albeit with huge funding cuts) yet we don’t tend to look after the self.
Worryingly as well, we see people use mental health/neurological disorders as justifications or use them in an throw away manner these days...all of which is rather offensive and crass. People like things in order, they say it’s OCD or people tell them it is. People love a routine, they just be autistic. People have mooods which fluctuate, they’re bi-polar...none of which is true.
'the poor and the needy are selfish and greedy'...well done Mozza
Societal pressures play a huge part in mental health. Whilst we can tell people, more often the younger elements that this desire for instant fame or cash isn’t healthy, it’s still seemingly important to them.
The fact ‘influencer’ is recognised as a job tells you everything.
The wife watches ‘Glow up’ on bbc3. The make up artists are very good and extremely creative but so many want to be a ‘household name’, like that’s the most important thing. They miss the irony in the fact that the geezer presenting the show isn’t really famous, not outside of make up circles but had had a long and illustrious career working for some enormous companies and brands etc.
This desire for instant fame and cash plays a huge pet in affecting mental health and self esteem. These ‘tiktokers’ who believe they’re a household name and have made a few quid, are they prepared for the fall which will inevitably happen in an ever more increasing material and one use world? Again, kind of ironic really, we’ve become much more aware of protecting the planet, multi use packaging etc, we have a greater understanding of mental health (albeit with huge funding cuts) yet we don’t tend to look after the self.
Worryingly as well, we see people use mental health/neurological disorders as justifications or use them in an throw away manner these days...all of which is rather offensive and crass. People like things in order, they say it’s OCD or people tell them it is. People love a routine, they just be autistic. People have mooods which fluctuate, they’re bi-polar...none of which is true.
You make a very valid point, even down to TV game shows and the likes of the, now off air, Jeremey Kyle show. Prizes on game shows decades ago were cars, mobile homes items beyond the price of the contestants could afford. Now they talk of £5K/£10 jackpots or much less as'In for a penny in for £1' etc.
I could never understand the mentality of people wanting to be on the JK show to be ridiculed, not allowed to answer back, and if you did it was edited out. That was until reports came out that many had not seen the inside of hotel room and were on full expenses for travel etc.
TV companies are only interested in viewing figures and profit. There is no respect from them about the mental health they put people through, the JK show had 'Graham'( I believe his name was) to comfort people but when deeply questioned about what they did and why as questions in a certain manner refused to answer!
At the end of the day, TV companies should be made accountable for the way they treat the public and not put unnecessary stress on their life's which could lead to mental problems. The desire for instant fame for some people is too much for them to cope with and should be acknowledged by the TV companies.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Just to interject momentarily, I posted the text below on my LinkedIn profile and I thought I'd share it here too in case it resonates with any of you, there a bit of buzzword bingo in there but hopefully the underlying message makes sense:
[i]I’ve suffered on and off with anxiety and depression since my teens. They’ve been pretty regular companions for most of my adult life. I started at a Big Four firm in 2001 as a graduate and left in 2004 after a difficult three years. I never raised my mental health issues at work because I was worried about the stigma of it. As is often the case, if only I knew then what I know now…
I returned in 2010 as an assistant manager after mixed spells in industry and as a maths teacher. I resolved to be open about my mental health struggles and my colleagues have been so understanding. Whenever I reach a tough patch, I know I can speak to people to get help. I find admitting my difficulties is always the first step to feeling better.
For the last 18 months I’ve struggled with acute anxiety and depression, Covid certainly hasn’t helped, particularly as I was coming to the end of my 2.5 year Performance Leader stint when the pandemic hit. I tried my usual coping strategies but nothing worked. Something had to change, and my colleague recommended the stronger minds program through our health insurance provider. I’ve long been sceptical of therapy but this time it’s been a revelation. I feel stronger mentally now than I have for years, and more able to deal with life’s setbacks. I broke my foot a couple of week’s ago and whilst the lack of mobility has been frustrating, I haven’t fretted or worried in the same way I would have done before.
My one piece of advice to anyone struggling with these issues is to speak up to someone you trust. Whilst it’s great if it’s your Performance Manager or Performance Leader, it doesn’t have to be. Speak to someone, anyone. It might be tough to do that but I’d encourage you to try. If you’re the person they’ve reached out to, be proud of that, it’s a difficult step to take and they see you as more than just a colleague. Listen as much as you can and support them, if you’re not sure how, please ask. There are many of us out there that will understand and will help.
Just to interject momentarily, I posted the text below on my LinkedIn profile and I thought I'd share it here too in case it resonates with any of you, there a bit of buzzword bingo in there but hopefully the underlying message makes sense:
[i]I’ve suffered on and off with anxiety and depression since my teens. They’ve been pretty regular companions for most of my adult life. I started at a Big Four firm in 2001 as a graduate and left in 2004 after a difficult three years. I never raised my mental health issues at work because I was worried about the stigma of it. As is often the case, if only I knew then what I know now…
I returned in 2010 as an assistant manager after mixed spells in industry and as a maths teacher. I resolved to be open about my mental health struggles and my colleagues have been so understanding. Whenever I reach a tough patch, I know I can speak to people to get help. I find admitting my difficulties is always the first step to feeling better.
For the last 18 months I’ve struggled with acute anxiety and depression, Covid certainly hasn’t helped, particularly as I was coming to the end of my 2.5 year Performance Leader stint when the pandemic hit. I tried my usual coping strategies but nothing worked. Something had to change, and my colleague recommended the stronger minds program through our health insurance provider. I’ve long been sceptical of therapy but this time it’s been a revelation. I feel stronger mentally now than I have for years, and more able to deal with life’s setbacks. I broke my foot a couple of week’s ago and whilst the lack of mobility has been frustrating, I haven’t fretted or worried in the same way I would have done before.
My one piece of advice to anyone struggling with these issues is to speak up to someone you trust. Whilst it’s great if it’s your Performance Manager or Performance Leader, it doesn’t have to be. Speak to someone, anyone. It might be tough to do that but I’d encourage you to try. If you’re the person they’ve reached out to, be proud of that, it’s a difficult step to take and they see you as more than just a colleague. Listen as much as you can and support them, if you’re not sure how, please ask. There are many of us out there that will understand and will help.
Amen to that!! Well said 👍🏻
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I have added this to the book club thread but thought it pertinent to this discussion too. I would recommend it to anyone who has or does suffer with mental ill health:
My Sh*t Therapist & other mental health stories Michelle Thomas
Written in such a way that it balances the seriousness of mental illness with a good sense of humour and self awareness. Lacks the depth of a text book but avoids the dryness of some self help literature. The assistance here is in the reading, enjoyment and realisation that there are others as batsh*t as you are.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
To add to Sandfords recent book list here is a website that I feel is apt for this thread:
The Forgiveness Project collects and shares stories from both victims/survivors and perpetrators of crime and conflict who have rebuilt their lives following hurt and trauma.
Genuine question can anyone answer..... why we’re now reaching a point in time where you don’t know anyone who hasn’t suffered with some kind of mental health issue?
Did we still have these issues 50/60 years ago but never talked about or were peoples coping mechanisms a lot stronger back then I really don’t know?
Be interesting to know how the suicide figures compared back then.
50/60 years ago I believe people's coping mentality was very much stronger. Many had relatives, who had come through WW2 and had to cope with all of which a war on your doorstep embraces.
Communities were stronger and helped each other. Whatever happened in those dark days you had to accept it (not like it) come to immediate terms with it and move on. Everybody knew somebody who had died, suffered injuries mental or physical.
The main thing told was 'Pull yourself together, or get a grip, etc.' if someone had problems. That sort of coping mechanism was around in the 50's and probably lasted until the late 60's mid 70's. After that era things started to change slowly and gradually to what we have today.
To give you some idea when I was 11 yrs old a classmate, who sat behind me, accidentally committed suicide over a weekend. Monday morning my class were kept back from our normal assembly place and went in last. The whole school was told of the full event and what happened, no rumours in those days, and then everybody went back into lessons. No counselling, no days off to cope no social carers etc. you were just on your own to cope the best you knew how. Back home mam and dad reiterated the stupidity of putting a plastic bag over your head, fill with a gas, for kicks.
Today is a different way of life, and many from my youth call it a 'nanny state'. Mentally in those days, you had to cope as there were no alternatives, no therapist or mental help whatsoever. If you were totally deemed to be severely mentally ill off you went to St Johns ( Commonly known as the looney bin ) Bracebridge Heath Lincoln, health-wise known as the Asylum; and you didn't want to go there as you didn't come out!
So to answer your question 50/60 years ago we had mental issues. But each individual just coped the best way they could and nobody with the slightest bit of sanity wanted to go to the looney bin.
Since those times St Johns opened its gates and inmates patients were sent out into society at large, the most dangerous went to Rampton I believe. The site was mostly demolished and is now a housing estate.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Genuine question can anyone answer..... why we’re now reaching a point in time where you don’t know anyone who hasn’t suffered with some kind of mental health issue?
Did we still have these issues 50/60 years ago but never talked about or were peoples coping mechanisms a lot stronger back then I really don’t know?
Good question Humbercod. I think its a lot of differing factors. Speaking from people living in this country I think there has been a breakdown in family structure due to more materialism, women working more and spending less time with the children,and even people being less religious. I come from mainly English and Latin heritage and I can see the same happening in Spain.
Up until the 1970s Spain had one of the highest birthrates in Europe but with general Franco dying in the 1970s things changed. Women started having less children and pursuing jobs . Likewise materialism came more to the fore. Spain now has sadly one of the lowest birth rates in Europe. From speaking to people that live out there and also here as well I think there was more community spirit back then. Now often both parents work and they don't have the energy or are stressed which can affect how they interact with their neighbours and children.I know there's social media etc but that will never be the same as talking to someone face to face. I think as well its why there is a lot of pet ownership in this country . People are lonely and need love. Pets act as that substitute.
I’m not sure it’s that helpful to compare to be perfectly honest but if you look at suicide as a symptom of the wider issue, then mental ill health is more pervasive than it ever has been.
The reasons for this are myriad and made more complex by the fact people with psychological illness are not a homogeneous group.
As someone who suffers myself I resent the insinuation that my problems are simply because I don’t have the requisite coping strategies or that I’m somehow weak of mind.
Terms like ‘get a grip’ ‘man up’ or ‘pull yourself together’ make me laugh and annoy me in equal measure. Those sorts of attitudes and sayings can be damage doing in and of themselves but also sheds light on why such stigma is still attached to mental ill health and in particular male mental health.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I’m not sure it’s that helpful to compare to be perfectly honest but if you look at suicide as a symptom of the wider issue, then mental ill health is more pervasive than it ever has been.
The reasons for this are myriad and made more complex by the fact people with psychological illness are not a homogeneous group.
As someone who suffers myself I resent the insinuation that my problems are simply because I don’t have the requisite coping strategies or that I’m somehow weak of mind.
Terms like ‘get a grip’ ‘man up’ or ‘pull yourself together’ make me laugh and annoy me in equal measure. Those sorts of attitudes and sayings can be damage doing in and of themselves but also sheds light on why such stigma is still attached to mental ill health and in particular male mental health.
I think the underlying problems of mental illness are the same now as 50/60 years ago and are now more prevalently seen as are all issues of our health. The difference now is that they are more openly discussed and more people are aware of the problems.
This in itself has brought more problems to suffers from terms, as you say, of get a grip. From my own point of view, not having any cure for my illness, I don't ask for sympathy but understanding.
It is understanding that, in my opinion, people with mental issues need, that as well as compassion.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
I think the underlying problems of mental illness are the same now as 50/60 years ago and are now more prevalently seen as are all issues of our health. The difference now is that they are more openly discussed and more people are aware of the problems.
This in itself has brought more problems to suffers from terms, as you say, of get a grip. From my own point of view, not having any cure for my illness, I don't ask for sympathy but understanding.
It is understanding that, in my opinion, people with mental issues need, that as well as compassion.
It is my understanding that, If all people treated others with understanding and compassion then you would have less cases of mental ill health.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Good question Humbercod. I think its a lot of differing factors. Speaking from people living in this country I think there has been a breakdown in family structure due to more materialism, women working more and spending less time with the children,and even people being less religious. I come from mainly English and Latin heritage and I can see the same happening in Spain.
Up until the 1970s Spain had one of the highest birthrates in Europe but with general Franco dying in the 1970s things changed. Women started having less children and pursuing jobs . Likewise materialism came more to the fore. Spain now has sadly one of the lowest birth rates in Europe. From speaking to people that live out there and also here as well I think there was more community spirit back then. Now often both parents work and they don't have the energy or are stressed which can affect how they interact with their neighbours and children.I know there's social media etc but that will never be the same as talking to someone face to face. I think as well its why there is a lot of pet ownership in this country . People are lonely and need love. Pets act as that substitute.
I know you have a lot of sympathy for the police, but you’re not suggesting life was better under the Caudillo are you?
Millions of workers, trade unionists, atheists, homosexuals, socialists, communists, anarcho-syndacalists, liberals and Catalans & Basques of all corners of society would probably disagree.
I agree materialism is a contributing factor to the breakdown of social bonds. Rich people nowadays want to keep more and more of the money, placing more pressure on ordinary people who are at the same time encouraged to want things they can’t necessarily afford and to get into debt. Working with less secure employment, more antisocial hours (and no extra pay for working weekends, nights or bank holidays). Gambling pushed at people left right and centre. Then to cap it all, people with a caring attitude or who caress vulnerability are called snowflakes. We had a prime minister whose mantra was ‘there is no such thing as society’. Can’t remember her name now.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
I know you have a lot of sympathy for the police, but you’re not suggesting life was better under the Caudillo are you?
.
I only have sympathy for the police/army Kingston as you need law and order to maintain a healthy society.
From speaking to people directly who lived during the time of general Franco there were good and and bad points. Good there was stronger community bonds among neighbour's etc. Women stayed at home more and had bigger families eg 4 or more was common and children tended to be better looked after. Materialism was not all the fore back then during general Francos reign. Bad were if you said anything against the state you could be shipped of by the army/police and detained for long periods.
I only have sympathy for the police/army Kingston as you need law and order to maintain a healthy society.
From speaking to people directly who lived during the time of general Franco there were good and and bad points. Good there was stronger community bonds among neighbour's etc. Women stayed at home more and had bigger families eg 4 or more was common and children tended to be better looked after. Materialism was not all the fore back then during general Francos reign. Bad were if you said anything against the state you could be shipped of by the army/police and detained for long periods.
We had those closer bonds here. In a democracy. I’m old enough to remember those days. There is nothing special about fascism in promoting community. It’s the rise of materialism and free market economics that has broken community down not the absence of fascism.
People in poor countries tend to have big families. They need them to provide support to people in their old age. In all societies, as they become richer the birth rate drops. Spain was dirt poor until the 1980s. Dirt poor.
You and the people you speak to in Spain are in danger of conflating entirely unrelated things. Very worrying when people hark back to days under the fascists as the good old days.
People with the wrong views weren’t just arrested and locked away. They were tortured and executed too. Thousands of them. People were banned from using their native languages. This happened right through the regime. Not just when the fascists overthrew the democracy in a bloody coup and civil war.
I think you need to educate yourself young man.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
It's amazing how the perception of mental health has changed over the years by the medical profession. I have finished reading a book about Lincolnshire airfields of WW2.
At Wickenby a medical officer, one summer, noticed a drop in morale mainly due to continued heavy losses of aircraft over a long period. He reported 5 cases of LMF ( lack of moral fibre ). The cure was the flight crews involved were humiliated and sent for a spell at punishment centre.
In those days mental problems were not recognised in the forces as they are today, thank goodness.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
We had those closer bonds here. In a democracy. I’m old enough to remember those days. There is nothing special about fascism in promoting community. It’s the rise of materialism and free market economics that has broken community down not the absence of fascism.
People in poor countries tend to have big families. They need them to provide support to people in their old age. In all societies, as they become richer the birth rate drops. Spain was dirt poor until the 1980s. Dirt poor.
You and the people you speak to in Spain are in danger of conflating entirely unrelated things. Very worrying when people hark back to days under the fascists as the good old days.
People with the wrong views weren’t just arrested and locked away. They were tortured and executed too. Thousands of them. People were banned from using their native languages. This happened right through the regime. Not just when the fascists overthrew the democracy in a bloody coup and civil war.
I think you need to educate yourself young man.
Your missing my point though Kingston. I know that and Iam not a advocate of fascism or either left wing or right wing extreme ideologies. Ive always been a green party member. All all Iam saying is there was a stronger family unit back then which has eroded somewhat due to the rise of materialism as you have pointed out.
Materialism, modern technology, social media do contribute to an increase in non clinical depression, but for me one of the biggest contributors and one quickly overlooked is from modern parenting. So many child and young adults these days are having counselling for some kind of anxiety or depression, and I think what’s the link?
I have 4 kids 2 adults in their late 20s and I also have 2 children 7 and 9, and I can say for certain there has been a definite change in the way parents behave with their young children these days in only 20 years or so.
We call them helicopter parents just take a look at any local sand pit, paddling pool, or play parks and these parents just will not leave their kids alone. These are the places young children will develop resilience! they should be learning how to deal with fear, anger, and frustration without adult intervention.
When I was 8 in the early eighties I would be out all day at the weekends with my mates, but this would be classed as way to young by today’s standards, but back then we had gained a kind of independence from our earlier experiences of not being mollycoddled, we could survive a day without mummy, we’d visit nana/grandad without being told, we go scrumping, we’d going swimming/fishing without supervision and I couldn’t even swim (until I was 11) but I had learned how to risk assess.
Materialism, modern technology, social media do contribute to an increase in non clinical depression, but for me one of the biggest contributors and one quickly overlooked is from modern parenting. So many child and young adults these days are having counselling for some kind of anxiety or depression, and I think what’s the link?
I have 4 kids 2 adults in their late 20s and I also have 2 children 7 and 9, and I can say for certain there has been a definite change in the way parents behave with their young children these days in only 20 years or so.
We call them helicopter parents just take a look at any local sand pit, paddling pool, or play parks and these parents just will not leave their kids alone. These are the places young children will develop resilience! they should be learning how to deal with fear, anger, and frustration without adult intervention.
Fair points. I've heard Carl Froch the boxer say similar. As a youngster his dad and brothers messed about eg playful fighting and so forth and all this as he states helped mould his character for the better. In psychology similar techniques are called roundhouse play and are considered beneficial for children.
What I would add though is love is paramount as well to a kids development. It's why I have huge admiration for the nuns of India who carry on the work of Mother Theresa. They dedicate their lives to looking after the destitute,sick and street children in India who are abandoned.
It's why I can't for the life of me understand how some in this country albeit a small percentage and abroad don't make the effort to look after their children and work and put food on the table . For me children are the greatest gift and to damage them in anyway is sick.
It sounds like you are working on the misconception that these illnesses are a lack of resilience or that somehow toughness is the antithesis of anxiety and depression. It is clearly not as simple as that.
My daughter currently has counselling and she’s a brilliant young person with oodles of kindness, compassion and consideration. I wouldn’t say she isn’t resilient either. She can be a tough cookie if the need arises. I’m extremely proud of her and not just because I’m her Dad.
As I’ve said on numerous occasions I suffer myself and did so incredibly when I was studying a degree but it didn’t stop me achieving a first and I’m not sure I could have done so had I not had perseverance, tenacity or resilience.
I think it’s a dangerous game to be judgemental around this subject area. Especially in a thread that was intended to give people an outlet should they need it.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
It sounds like you are working on the misconception that these illnesses are a lack of resilience or that somehow toughness is the antithesis of anxiety and depression. It is clearly not as simple as that.
My daughter currently has counselling and she’s a brilliant young person with oodles of kindness, compassion and consideration. I wouldn’t say she isn’t resilient either. She can be a tough cookie if the need arises. I’m extremely proud of her and not just because I’m her Dad.
As I’ve said on numerous occasions I suffer myself and did so incredibly when I was studying a degree but it didn’t stop me achieving a first and I’m not sure I could have done so had I not had perseverance, tenacity or resilience.
I think it’s a dangerous game to be judgemental around this subject area. Especially in a thread that was intended to give people an outlet should they need it.
I appreciate your input and I know better than most how harsh life can be both from what happened to myself and in my previous job. Having said that I do feel with love and support and effort on oneself most people can work in some capacity.
I've always found it moving when I am in Spain on the Costa Del Sol and you see the migrants especially the Blacks and Morrocons pace up and down the beach all day in sweltering summer heat selling pirate cds and carpets. There is no nanny state to look after them. It's either work or die. This is the case in other countries as well eg children and adults alike in South America scavenging on rubbish tips for things to sell just to make a meagre existence. Harsh world we live in and I have true admiration for people like these who don't give up in the face of unsurmountable difficultys.
Fair points. I've heard Carl Froch the boxer say similar. As a youngster his dad and brothers messed about eg playful fighting and so forth and all this as he states helped mould his character for the better. In psychology similar techniques are called roundhouse play and are considered beneficial for children.
What I would add though is love is paramount as well to a kids development. It's why I have huge admiration for the nuns of India who carry on the work of Mother Theresa. They dedicate their lives to looking after the destitute,sick and street children in India who are abandoned.
It's why I can't for the life of me understand how some in this country albeit a small percentage and abroad don't make the effort to look after their children and work and put food on the table . For me children are the greatest gift and to damage them in anyway is sick.
Good points Rick we all need love, I tell my youngest 2 everyday that I love them.
Good points Rick we all need love, I tell my youngest 2 everyday that I love them.
Good on you. What moved me a lot was watching the Denmark game last Saturday and seeing Christian Eriksen drop down dead and being resuscitated. Alex Scott the BBC sport presenter said exactly what you said after seeing what happened to Eriksen. Rung her mum and told her she loved her. We don't know when will be our last day on earth and everyday should be treasured.
Good on you. What moved me a lot was watching the Denmark game last Saturday and seeing Christian Eriksen drop down dead and being resuscitated. Alex Scott the BBC sport presenter said exactly what you said after seeing what happened to Eriksen. Rung her mum and told her she loved her. We don't know when will be our last day on earth and everyday should be treasured.
Great discussion with respectful, mature, thoughtful and considered contributions from all. Am I on the wrong site?
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
Great discussion with respectful, mature, thoughtful and considered contributions from all. Am I on the wrong site?
It is what it is though Smokey. Sometimes truth is hard to bear. Children die of cancer aged 4 years and younger and have never really had a life only pain and suffering. Life can be so harsh for some. At least these children are suffering no more though. One of my best friends died in agony as well aged only 19 due to natural llness. On the night he died he was having fits and passing out through so much pain and screaming in agony. He refused morphine. It still haunts his mum to this day the way she saw her eldest child die.
Great discussion with respectful, mature, thoughtful and considered contributions from all. Am I on the wrong site?
Excellent post which gets you a gold star. Once you strip away the ego, verbal diarrhea, front and brashness you find underneath all this there are caring people on this site.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Excellent post which gets you a gold star. Once you strip away the ego, verbal diarrhea, front and brashness you find underneath all this there are caring people on this site.
Very much so.
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
It sounds like you are working on the misconception that these illnesses are a lack of resilience or that somehow toughness is the antithesis of anxiety and depression. It is clearly not as simple as that.
My daughter currently has counselling and she’s a brilliant young person with oodles of kindness, compassion and consideration. I wouldn’t say she isn’t resilient either. She can be a tough cookie if the need arises. I’m extremely proud of her and not just because I’m her Dad.
As I’ve said on numerous occasions I suffer myself and did so incredibly when I was studying a degree but it didn’t stop me achieving a first and I’m not sure I could have done so had I not had perseverance, tenacity or resilience.
I think it’s a dangerous game to be judgemental around this subject area. Especially in a thread that was intended to give people an outlet should they need it.
Ah but that doesn’t fit with the wrong day ‘solutions’ and platitudes does it.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
Heard about this running nationally in numerous locations. It is great to see a club setting up in Grimsby. Well done Sean.
"The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.” Bill Shankly
Message came up on my Instagram today about how many people commit suicide every year. Roughly a million take their life each year. Shocking statistics .
Hope some people never give up on hope or love. Easier said than done sometimes I know given some people's backgrounds.
Hopefully in the future we see a day where suicides are no more.
Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy as all human life is precious.
Again huge credit to Sandford for starting this thread 👏.
Message came up on my Instagram today about how many people commit suicide every year. Roughly a million take their life each year. Shocking statistics .
Hope some people never give up on hope or love. Easier said than done sometimes I know given some people's backgrounds.
Hopefully in the future we see a day where suicides are no more.
Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy as all human life is precious.
Again huge credit to Sandford for starting this thread 👏.
Some people have mental health issues for which they receive medication and probably cope when depressed, as they may understand it. Unfortunately, others with no mental health issues hit a brick wall when mental health problems arise.
It is this group of people who do not know who to ask for help, as it is a completely new experience for them. Things manifest in their minds and regrettably, they only see suicide as a way out. I know there are mental health 'days', awareness days, etc., but if your health is ok nobody bothers to go.
As I pointed out to someone ( not about mental health), who was supposed to care for people, many people who need help for a problem need it now; not tomorrow, or next week or the next appointment but now. Deaf ears, unfortunately.
Suicide is a sad indication of what is supposed to be a caring society, which does not care but gives lip service to it.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Having worked with kids who’ve committed suicide and sadly, many adults, for me, whilst it’s obviously been important and had a lasting impact, Covid hasn’t worried me in the slightest.
The suicide rate is growing, that’s a pandemic…is it growing because society is getting bigger? Is it linked to modern day society or is a combination of lots of things, not to mention significant cut backs to services…or indeed services just kicking back cases which I see on a weekly basis.
Many people have sadly passed away because of suicide and worryingly, even more have been on the edge, generally blokes. What brings them back is personal to them, sometimes it’s a thought, an act of kindness from a stranger, their actual mental health preventing them or support services.
Since starting at my new school, and having spent several years working in a custodial setting and seeing self harm and suicide, as well as suicidal ideation first hand, I’ve introduced a self harm and suicide scheme which we run across all year groups. Some staff find it a challenge to teach but they’ll overcome that. It’s important, even for those pupils who don’t show any signs, it provides support mechanisms they can use to help friends but also self help and the likes. It’s nothing too intricate but it works.
We’ve had 5 pupils (out of 72) who have lost a parent or sibling to suicide this year…one acruslly lost another sibling 2 years ago…
Worrying times but there are people doing good and there are those on the edge coming back, working on themselves and building themselves back up to be strong and safe…
'the poor and the needy are selfish and greedy'...well done Mozza
Having worked with kids who’ve committed suicide and sadly, many adults, for me, whilst it’s obviously been important and had a lasting impact, Covid hasn’t worried me in the slightest.
The suicide rate is growing, that’s a pandemic…is it growing because society is getting bigger? Is it linked to modern day society or is a combination of lots of things, not to mention significant cut backs to services…or indeed services just kicking back cases which I see on a weekly basis.
Many people have sadly passed away because of suicide and worryingly, even more have been on the edge, generally blokes. What brings them back is personal to them, sometimes it’s a thought, an act of kindness from a stranger, their actual mental health preventing them or support services.
Since starting at my new school, and having spent several years working in a custodial setting and seeing self harm and suicide, as well as suicidal ideation first hand, I’ve introduced a self harm and suicide scheme which we run across all year groups. Some staff find it a challenge to teach but they’ll overcome that. It’s important, even for those pupils who don’t show any signs, it provides support mechanisms they can use to help friends but also self help and the likes. It’s nothing too intricate but it works.
We’ve had 5 pupils (out of 72) who have lost a parent or sibling to suicide this year…one acruslly lost another sibling 2 years ago…
Worrying times but there are people doing good and there are those on the edge coming back, working on themselves and building themselves back up to be strong and safe…
I'm very pleased you have introduced a self-harm and suicide scheme. It's a shame that it's not on the national curriculum.
I think the way people have expectations today is too much for them to cope with, nobody is good at everything and fails at some things. Failure should be taught as a fact of life, not something that cannot be accepted by society. Coming first is today's standard for everything we do, but excelling above a person's normal capability is also a victory for them and should be acknowledged. Instead, society tells them they didn't come first they are a failure!
Perhaps we should go back to the old British way of 'taking part is what counts'.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Some people have mental health issues for which they receive medication and probably cope when depressed, as they may understand it. Unfortunately, others with no mental health issues hit a brick wall when mental health problems arise.
As I pointed out to someone ( not about mental health), who was supposed to care for people, many people who need help for a problem need it now; not tomorrow, or next week or the next appointment but now. Deaf ears, unfortunately.
Suicide is a sad indication of what is supposed to be a caring society, which does not care but gives lip service to it.
Having worked with kids who’ve committed suicide and sadly, many adults, for me,
Since starting at my new school, and having spent several years working in a custodial setting and seeing self harm and suicide, as well as suicidal ideation first hand, I’ve introduced a self harm and suicide scheme which we run across all year groups. Some staff find it a challenge to teach but they’ll overcome that. It’s important, even for those pupils who don’t show any signs, it provides support mechanisms they can use to help friends but also self help and the likes. It’s nothing too intricate but it works.
Worrying times but there are people doing good and there are those on the edge coming back, working on themselves and building themselves back up to be strong and safe…
Very moving post Aldi. Thankyou and thanks for what your are doing in your new school eg trying to help others 👍.
I think though like DB has pointed to in the past through his faith in Jesus and its someone who I have a deep love for as well is we can all learn something from if you strip all the religious dogma which was created after Jesus died. At the essence of everyone is a desire to be loved and feel part of a healthy community which we feel valued .To often now in our society its about vanity /profit . We need to get more to the heart of what life is all about . Living in harmony with each other and nature and accepting everybody regardless of shape, intelligence , looks,disability,race ,social standing,material wealth, etc. Without variety life doesn't continue.
Love and kindness don’t cost anything but can be an emotional drain, that said, they’re what everyone needs.
My mate is politically an idiot, he does reckless things, acts a male private and so on, but I’m still kind to him, even when disagreeing.
I take DBs point about being first but I think it’s more than that; it’s about recognition or being seen but sadly, people expect or want that without doing anything. A carefully worded social media post to attract a response, some pictures or instant fame…they get that, then it disappears and they’re unable to cope.
Failure plays apart and thankfully sports teams have invested in psychology these days which helps.
Society does have an issue though and social media adds to that. Whilst I think social media has many positives, it’s a problem; I see kids sling on a Snapchat and genuinely go in to crisis if day only a handful of people see it. Similarly, I’ve seen it with adults. Gigs or sports events, people live the entire experience through their phone…do they truly enjoy it? Someone actually moaned at me and my mate at w gig because we were enjoying it and jumping around and it was knocking their phone…they were agitated and frustrated in a moment they should be free and loose…that affects mental health.
It has to stay up on the agenda and when nearly as many folk die world wide of suicide as other, more well known illnesses we have to keep dealing with it…
'the poor and the needy are selfish and greedy'...well done Mozza
Common themes that seem to run through successful treatments for mental illness irrespective of approach, to a more a lesser degree are empathy, authenticity and a prizing and non judgmental attitude.
Regardless of whether that treatment is counselling, religion, psychological therapy or even interaction with a good friend, these qualities shine through. These are the antithesis to a lot of the root problems for much of the mental anguish people suffer with.
Every person suffers mental illness differently and an individual’s phenomenology should always be respected but these qualities seem to be universal.
It is then apparent that much of the trouble lies in the opposite of these areas.
Empathy is about being able to walk in someone else’s shoes and feeling that experience. This gives people the impression they’re not alone and are being heard.
When so much of modern life is fake, superficial and a veneer, the importance of authenticity cannot be understated. Being true to yourself, having self awareness and communicating that to others allows for trust and genuine rapport to be built.
Finally, having a non judgmental and unconditional warming attitude fights back against the constant judgment that is thrown at us. To know that you are prized regardless of your ‘worth’ to external influences is healing in itself. Habitually we all fear being judged negatively. Sometimes good enough is fine, not being OK is Ok and perfection isn’t the be all and end all.
Aldi - kudos for teaching the programme to your children, it’s of paramount importance in my opinion. I think it better to try and teach our young properly so they are well rounded than bury our heads and try and fix ‘broken’ adults.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Love and kindness don’t cost anything but can be an emotional drain, that said, they’re what everyone needs.
It has to stay up on the agenda and when nearly as many folk die world wide of suicide as other, more well known illnesses we have to keep dealing with it…
Top man Aldi.
You make a point I can recognise personally. I have just recently given up a job looking after and helping fostered children who's parents are drug addicts and the like and who are in danger of commiting criminal acts. Reason being is I have serious physical health issues of my own which was affecting me emotionally on a deep level. I found dealing with such children put extra pressure on me and I was struggling.
I imagine for others like yourself it's still tough at times dealing with affected people. Your only human and as the mum of one of best friends who died a horrendous death at 19 due to natural illness said to me you need to look after and preserve yourself before you can help others .If your not right how can you be in a position to energise others for the better .
Finally, having a non judgmental and unconditional warming attitude fights back against the constant judgment that is thrown at us. To know that you are prized regardless of your ‘worth’ to external influences is healing in itself. Habitually we all fear being judged negatively. Sometimes good enough is fine, not being OK is Ok and perfection isn’t the be all and end all.
.
Nice words Sandford. I always go back to what Mother Theresa said though. " A lot of the world's problems are caused by lack love".
Interesting story I know of that doesn't just apply to religion but across the board at its heart. I went to Mount St Bernards abbey in Leicestershire for a few days. Monks there only ask for voluntary contributions if that and all food and board is provided . Justin Fashanu the first 1 million black footballer stayed there as well who sadly took his own life at a later date . Like him he said it was a very healing place to go.
A lad there I met had a very tough past but the monks there with warm and love helped heal the hurt and pain he had over his life and over time after continually visiting the place changed for the better.
Nice sentiments from someone who shared this on twitter which I've just seen:
Mental health is no joke. There are times when we can be overwhelmed and need time to recharge. Never make fun of those who suffer. Encouragement goes a long way.
September 10th is World Suicide Prevention day. The message below is from Healthwatch NELC
Every year organisations and communities around the world come together to raise awareness of how we can create a world where fewer people die by suicide. Each year has a different theme and focus, to bring to light a specific aspect of suicide prevention. Below you can find some useful links for information, advice and guidance around mental health. Kooth Qwell NAViGO Samaritan
Unfortunately, I couldn't get the links for these 4 sites when I cut and pasted but they will be on Google. If anyone does need to talk please PM me and I'll get back to you.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Kooth are excellent for teenagers, did a lot of work with them when I had a brief spell working for the local authority.
Samaritans are great although volunteering for them can be hard, they’re set in their ways a little but supper service users get is beyond helpful. Navigator are great and locally, Harrison House offer triage/A&E type services which can be super helpful, you can also just go and sit in their foyer/cafe and use it as a safe space if required.
I’ve said for a long time that suicide is the pandemic, in my other professional role as a member of MAPPA I do a lot of work with prisons/prisoners although not always direct, often from a strategic/policy level but you get hear and see and it’s rife. They say drugs are a problem in prisons, so is suicide. See harm is prevalent but research tells us men are more likely to be extreme and then go for the jugular so to speak.
It’s tragic. Seriously tragic. People have been accused of becoming blasé about Covid, it’s been like that towards suicide for a number of years yet little is done to slow the rate, in fact the opposite, services being cut back and funding drying up for various reasons.
Only yesterday I had to deal with a parent who’s son can’t bet the mental health support required Becauee of pressures within the service and them not necessarily having the staff required for the work. She’s a single mum, low income so highly unlikely to be able to afford private and now her son is threatening taking overdoses…the only time she’s not worried is when he’s in school Becauee he’s essentially monitored 100% of the time.
We’re in the midst of a mental health and social care crisis and whilst the government are breaking manifesto pledges all over and claiming the tax in crease will cover it (they also promised 350m a week for the nhs that never materialised and never will) the simple fact is, the damage is already done.
Since 2010 I’ve worked exclusively with some of the most vulnerable children in our society and year on year we’re expected to provide more and support more and every year we’re given less and less…naturally this goes on to impact adult social care and generally the justice system. Short termism and the rich getting richer is something we expect from conservative governments but it’s beyond that now…
We have to champion the work of the dedicated people and support the survivors and their families…as I said, kindness and empathy don’t cost anything…that’s a start…
'the poor and the needy are selfish and greedy'...well done Mozza
You make a very good point Rick, dwelling on negatives does not help.
I've met many people who also think too much about the past, and then get upset that they can't do what they use to, earn what they use, etc. The past is great it's where we come from, it's our own personal history, but it is the past and to me should be left there and not dwelt on.
I think it is better if people try to accept current situations for what they are and manage them. Life is not a bed of roses but we can remember the past, learn from it, keep the memories and move on. It is the moving on that helps us cope.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
You make a very good point Rick, dwelling on negatives does not help.
I've met many people who also think too much about the past, and then get upset that they can't do what they use to, earn what they use, etc. The past is great it's where we come from, it's our own personal history, but it is the past and to me should be left there and not dwelt on.
I think it is better if people try to accept current situations for what they are and manage them. Life is not a bed of roses but we can remember the past, learn from it, keep the memories and move on. It is the moving on that helps us cope.
Thanks for the input DB and I agree with all you say 👍.
Areas like Grimsby have high rates of ‘poor’ mental health but local psyche is to ‘suck it up and crack on’…places like Grimsby, Hull, Doncaster and so forth are seen as hard places to live but for many the notion that you can’t show weakness is still a thing.
I’ve said all along, the only pandemic this country really has is suicide, particularly in men. Services aren’t always available and if they are they’re stretched to within an inch of their lives. That said; what suppprt is available, particularly for adults locally is very good. I’m sure some will argue different…
'the poor and the needy are selfish and greedy'...well done Mozza
Fantastic thread, sadly I've only jusy come across it. I've read page 1 so far but promise over the next few days I'll read the rest... Last year I escaped a toxic relationship and was homeless for a couple of days down in Somerset. I maamaged to get myself a place above someone's garage and did 10 sessions of talk therapy (it really helped) ii also joined talk club on Facebook (men only) strongly suggest anyone else who has ups and downs to join as they're brilliant. For me right now I'm in the best place I've been since moving away from grimsby 10 years ago. Lovely girlfriend, nice decent size rented house and I get to have my son as much as I like without the nagging in my ear of my ex (not his mum) Currently laid in bed on the willows in the house I grew up in excited for the game today.
All I will say before I do get around to reading all the pages is TALK. DON'T BE AFRAID TO OPEN UP AND TALK. My bond with my dad is the best it has ever bee. Because I opened up.
Great to hear that you’ve made such progress Luke.
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
I've heard from people who I know that work in the services that suicide sometimes happens . Just saw this on Twitter which I felt the need to share:
Tweet 1459269456023146501 will appear here...
That’s a great sign Rick
Through the door there came familiar laughter, I saw your face and heard you call my name. Oh my friend we're older but no wiser, For in our hearts the dreams are still the same.
Yes very poignant I felt Kingston. I hate to see anyone take their own lives more so children and teenagers who have had tragic paths and are vulnerable due to their brains still developing.
As someone who is a huge admirer of what our police and military do in protecting others this I felt was very powerful which came from a military suicide prevention site. Someone saved the life of someone with these encouraging words . Lesson for us all:
"you can change a life just by being kind and having a listening ear. I knew she needed to release those tears and see things from a better perspective. 🙏💙".
So important to tell someone who’ll listen how you feel. I worry that some people might not have that person, but I’ve always found it helpful to share how I feel when I need to. Don’t suffer in silence. Reach out to someone. You matter.
Heartbreaking to read Sandford. I know there kids who caused this girl to commit suicide but they still deserve to be punished. Anyone that harms another human be it physical or emotional needs karma being metered out . I don't agree with violence but certainly make them hurt emotionally for what they have done. Bit of solitary for a week minimum alongside extensive community service( for starters) should do them good for a large part of the day to self analyse their sick behaviour and hopefully change it.
Someone who I know who's had it quite rough just posted this today which I felt was thought provoking:
“When someone is broken don’t try to fix them When someone is hurting don’t attempt to take away their pain Instead, love them by walking beside them in the hurt, because sometimes what ppl need is 2 simply know they aren’t alone”❤️ .
Heartbreaking to read Sandford. I know there kids who caused this girl to commit suicide but they still deserve to be punished. Anyone that harms another human be it physical or emotional needs karma being metered out . I don't agree with violence but certainly make them hurt emotionally for what they have done. Bit of solitary for a week minimum alongside extensive community service( for starters) should do them good for a large part of the day to self analyse their sick behaviour and hopefully change it.
Someone who I know who's had it quite rough just posted this today which I felt was thought provoking:
“When someone is broken don’t try to fix them When someone is hurting don’t attempt to take away their pain Instead, love them by walking beside them in the hurt, because sometimes what ppl need is 2 simply know they aren’t alone”❤️ .
Whilst I sort of understand the need for some consequence, the consequences you suggest have been proven to create their own long term mental health problems, thus creating a cycle…
'the poor and the needy are selfish and greedy'...well done Mozza
Bumping this thread in the context of the Lee Calton thread on the main board in case anyone needs to reach out
Usually only go on the main football part of the forum but after that thread thought I'd pop over and take a look at this, pretty sure I've posted in it somewhere a while ago. Anyway, hope you're all welll. If not.. Talk. Open up. Best thing I ever did. My dad has always lived away from me so I kind of resented him for it. But in lockdown he was my hero. We became so close and he helped me massively through my struggles.
So for those on here that have gone through with finding help where did you start? Just go to doctors and talk to them and go from there or is there any recommendations were to go to talk too to find help to see what’s going on? I think the toughest thing is to accept that you need help and go get it if it’s something you have been suffering from for far too long. That’s the problem with me, I feel stubborn, embarrassed and maybe too proud to just admit I need help but I guess i’v just said it now so obviously I have now accepted I can’t do this anymore and definitely know I need to find help to help myself. I have struggled for years and I know this can’t be a normal way to live but yet I talk myself out of getting help by thinking oh it will get better and go away, I somehow just carry on through life feeling lost and confused most of the time simply because I can’t think straight as frustrated with myself all the time with the way I am, maybe it’s called overthinking literally over nothing far too much because I do that an awful lot.
So for those on here that have gone through with finding help where did you start? Just go to doctors and talk to them and go from there or is there any recommendations were to go to talk too to find help to see what’s going on? I think the toughest thing is to accept that you need help and go get it if it’s something you have been suffering from for far too long. That’s the problem with me, I feel stubborn, embarrassed and maybe too proud to just admit I need help but I guess i’v just said it now so obviously I have now accepted I can’t do this anymore and definitely know I need to find help to help myself. I have struggled for years and I know this can’t be a normal way to live but yet I talk myself out of getting help by thinking oh it will get better and go away, I somehow just carry on through life feeling lost and confused most of the time simply because I can’t think straight as frustrated with myself all the time with the way I am, maybe it’s called overthinking literally over nothing far too much because I do that an awful lot.
To cut a long story short (ish) I kept things bottled up for way too long and had a breakdown because of it. It all came to a head when I was driving to work one day and I was crying so hard I couldn’t drive safely. I had to pull in at the willows shops and I just let loose. I rang my Mrs and that was that. I wasn’t suicidal but knew I couldn’t live like I had been doing any longer. My body overruled my head and sort of said ‘if you’re not going to do something then I will!’ I booked in at my doctors that morning and that was the start of a very long journey. I’m a huge advocate of talking therapy and recommend giving that a chance alongside medication. It’s not easy but things can be better. My advice is to ring your Doctor now.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
To cut a long story short (ish) I kept things bottled up for way too long and had a breakdown because of it. It all came to a head when I was driving to work one day and I was crying so hard I couldn’t drive safely. I had to pull in at the willows shops and I just let loose. I rang my Mrs and that was that. I wasn’t suicidal but knew I couldn’t live like I had been doing any longer. My body overruled my head and sort of said ‘if you’re not going to do something then I will!’ I booked in at my doctors that morning and that was the start of a very long journey. I’m a huge advocate of talking therapy and recommend giving that a chance alongside medication. It’s not easy but things can be better. My advice is to ring your Doctor now.
Thank you for the reply, that’s exactly how it has been for me for years and I’m just living with it but I now need to force myself to just go get help. My mood swings are up and down but when I get low I get real low to the point I feel I’m backed on the corner and there’s no way out, I think about suicide all the time and feel a hinderance to my wife and family a total failure, the crazy thing is I have absolutely no reason to feel like this.
Thank you for the reply, that’s exactly how it has been for me for years and I’m just living with it but I now need to force myself to just go get help. My mood swings are up and down but when I get low I get real low to the point I feel I’m backed on the corner and there’s no way out, I think about suicide all the time and feel a hinderance to my wife and family a total failure, the crazy thing is I have absolutely no reason to feel like this.
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way - That’s an awful place to be and it must be exhausting for you.
I cannot stress this enough, you really are NOT alone! Sure we all experience the same illnesses differently and the underlying causes can be for 100s of different reasons but all the contributors on here will recognise themselves in what you are saying.
I know as a male it can be difficult to admit to being ill especially mentally but I genuinely believe it takes strength.
Does your partner know about what you are going through?
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Cod Marriner please contact me anytime if you need a chat.
If you're on Facebook search 'TALK CLUB' I used it when I was at my lowest point. But I would 100% recommend talking to your doctor and try explaining what it is. It isnt an easy process and they'll fob you off in some sense but do it. Also i found talking to someone non professional (my dad in this instance) for a non professional view/support.
All I will say is surround yourself with lovely kind people who love you. It's taken me 10yrs of being down south to finally find someone who let's me be me and helps me to live as happy a life as possible.
Whilst I sort of understand the need for some consequence, the consequences you suggest have been proven to create their own long term mental health problems, thus creating a cycle…
Valid points. But the need for punishment is necessary as well as part of a overall framework. I do however agree with you to a extent. Some of these people that commit commit crimes in varying degrees eg ,theft and so forth have come from horrible pasts so the need for sympathy and tough love is necessary as well in order to heal someone.
Just seen this post on the here regarding mental health and how it’s affected you personally.
Firstly, I’m sorry to hear that and that you’ve suffered personally through it.
Secondly, I just wanted to reach out and let you know that although I’m a stranger personally to you. My messages are always open for a chat if ever needed.
Before the pandemic hit, I did a lot of work for CALM and still do my fair bit of outreach via my social media. Try and keep your mind occupied and keep yourself busy as much as you can. Don’t dwell on anything if you can’t help it. You’ve got this buddy.
Just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone, nor will you and I’ll always be a message away should you ever need it.
I have struggled for years and I know this can’t be a normal way to live but yet I talk myself out of getting help by thinking oh it will get better and go away, I somehow just carry on through life feeling lost and confused most of the time simply because I can’t think straight as frustrated with myself all the time with the way I am, maybe it’s called overthinking literally over nothing far too much because I do that an awful lot.
What has helped me is being in nature. Just observing the natural flow of things I've found has been a big healer. Likewise finding a passion or interest is helpful as well as having a good community that supports you .
The saying that has helped me is never loose hope and keep trying to improve mentally and physically.
Sometimes the simplest things to do are also the hardest. Keeping a positive mental attitude is one of them, but it certainly works, and so does talking about your problems.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
So for those on here that have gone through with finding help where did you start? Just go to doctors and talk to them and go from there or is there any recommendations were to go to talk too to find help to see what’s going on? I think the toughest thing is to accept that you need help and go get it if it’s something you have been suffering from for far too long. That’s the problem with me, I feel stubborn, embarrassed and maybe too proud to just admit I need help but I guess i’v just said it now so obviously I have now accepted I can’t do this anymore and definitely know I need to find help to help myself. I have struggled for years and I know this can’t be a normal way to live but yet I talk myself out of getting help by thinking oh it will get better and go away, I somehow just carry on through life feeling lost and confused most of the time simply because I can’t think straight as frustrated with myself all the time with the way I am, maybe it’s called overthinking literally over nothing far too much because I do that an awful lot.
I'm a bit late to this discussion, having only joined a few days ago, so hopefully you've been able to get help since posting this. Personally I think you've already taken the first- and biggest- step by acknowledging there is an an issue and asking how to go about dealing with it so feel proud about that. Many people never take that step.
I'll try and keep it short and sweet with my experiences in getting help: I went to my GP and they referred me to mental health. They straight up told me then and there that it's probably a 3-4 month wait before I'd even get a phone call to discuss my situation, BUT they could give me anti-depressants that day to at least help with the symptoms until we could get to the cure. Now I only did the minimum 6 month run on the pills because I didn't like them, but they certainly helped in the short term. I got the phone call 2 months later, the phone call itself was a massive help and they then referred me to further help. The system was slow, but after about a year on from originally seeing my GP I felt like a normal human again. You have to acept going in that there is no quick fix, and be prepared to act on suggestions- no matter how crazy they sound.
Whilst complaining during that process about the shoddy system taking so long at work, a work mate suggested I tag along with him to his veterans support group that he ran. I went. It changed my perspective on everything. Hearing how a guy is coping after having his eye shot out by the taliban, and the work prospects of an IED survivor with half the limbs he used to have, really made my issues seem more manageable by comparison and I learned/realised just how much I could actually take control of my own issues.
There's loads of people who are actually qualified/experienced enough to help you, but you asked what other people had done and that's what I did. Feel free to PM me if you want to ask anything more personal
I'm a bit late to this discussion, having only joined a few days ago, so hopefully you've been able to get help since posting this. Personally I think you've already taken the first- and biggest- step by acknowledging there is an an issue and asking how to go about dealing with it so feel proud about that. Many people never take that step.
I'll try and keep it short and sweet with my experiences in getting help: I went to my GP and they referred me to mental health. They straight up told me then and there that it's probably a 3-4 month wait before I'd even get a phone call to discuss my situation, BUT they could give me anti-depressants that day to at least help with the symptoms until we could get to the cure. Now I only did the minimum 6 month run on the pills because I didn't like them, but they certainly helped in the short term. I got the phone call 2 months later, the phone call itself was a massive help and they then referred me to further help. The system was slow, but after about a year on from originally seeing my GP I felt like a normal human again. You have to acept going in that there is no quick fix, and be prepared to act on suggestions- no matter how crazy they sound.
Whilst complaining during that process about the shoddy system taking so long at work, a work mate suggested I tag along with him to his veterans support group that he ran. I went. It changed my perspective on everything. Hearing how a guy is coping after having his eye shot out by the taliban, and the work prospects of an IED survivor with half the limbs he used to have, really made my issues seem more manageable by comparison and I learned/realised just how much I could actually take control of my own issues.
There's loads of people who are actually qualified/experienced enough to help you, but you asked what other people had done and that's what I did. Feel free to PM me if you want to ask anything more personal
Unfortunately, mental health is the poor man of the NHS. Cuts, bruises, operations etc all have money but if it's in the head it doesn't matter as much. Politics doesn't matter either, they are all the same as it not vote material.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
I consider myself really lucky to have received a course of therapy via counselling and also a prescription of anti depressants. Slowly things got a little better and I tried to rebuild my shattered sense of worth. I needed to do this for my kids. Meanwhile I devoured lots of research and books and accepted my friends’ offer of talking and listening. It’s not over for me, but I pulled myself back from the brink, and I was scared stiff I would end up killing myself or just fading away after suffering parental abandonment and suicide. There are always people who will listen and support you.. There are some people on here who contacted me, whom I didn’t know and have never met, who said …‘’I’m here for you. Talk to me anytime’. I was so touched by that. There is a support network there who won’t let you go under.
Unfortunately, mental health is the poor man of the NHS. Cuts, bruises, operations etc all have money but if it's in the head it doesn't matter as much. Politics doesn't matter either, they are all the same as it not vote material.
Politics do matter, let’s not pretend Tory austerity and cuts since 2010 have had no effect. Waiting lists for every type of health problem and especially mental health have risen under this government, year on year real term cuts mean people are not being treated. I was not a fan of Blair but he did get waiting lists right down and invest properly in the NHS after years of Tory neglect. This is one area there is clear space between the two political parties. We currently have a leadership battle centered on who will cut tax for the rich, and businesses most, no one is mentioning or asked about the NHS or mental health, it is just not important enough to be on their agenda. They are not all the same , parroting this falsehood does no one but the wealthy who opt for private health care any favours
Politics do matter, let’s not pretend Tory austerity and cuts since 2010 have had no effect. Waiting lists for every type of health problem and especially mental health have risen under this government, year on year real term cuts mean people are not being treated. I was not a fan of Blair but he did get waiting lists right down and invest properly in the NHS after years of Tory neglect. This is one area there is clear space between the two political parties. We currently have a leadership battle centered on who will cut tax for the rich, and businesses most, no one is mentioning or asked about the NHS or mental health, it is just not important enough to be on their agenda. They are not all the same , parroting this falsehood does no one but the wealthy who opt for private health care any favours
What I was trying to say is that in comparison with 'Medical' health Mental health has very little spent on it. Mental health is about long-term care ( months or even years ) whereas other health care is about medication, operations, physio etc, which in many cases takes days or a few months.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Love him or loathe him, it’s great to see and hear another high profile athlete ‘banging the drum’ with another positive message regarding male mental health.
I consider myself really lucky to have received a course of therapy via counselling and also a prescription of anti depressants. Slowly things got a little better and I tried to rebuild my shattered sense of worth. I needed to do this for my kids. Meanwhile I devoured lots of research and books and accepted my friends’ offer of talking and listening. It’s not over for me, but I pulled myself back from the brink, and I was scared stiff I would end up killing myself or just fading away after suffering parental abandonment and suicide. There are always people who will listen and support you.. There are some people on here who contacted me, whom I didn’t know and have never met, who said …‘’I’m here for you. Talk to me anytime’. I was so touched by that. There is a support network there who won’t let you go under.
Brave of you to share your story Chaos publicly. Glad you have pulled yourself back from the brink of suicide.Respect and love to you ❤️🕯️.
Just a quick message to anyone who may read on today's #WorldMentalHealthDay
The advice I’d give to somebody that’s silently struggling is: You don’t have to live that way. You don’t have to struggle in silence. You can be un-silent. You can live well with a mental health condition, as long as you open up to somebody about it, because it’s really important you share your experience with people so that you can get the help that you need.
You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you human.
You've got this and you're not alone - My DM's are always open. Despite being a Darlo fan, I'm a sound bloke and always willing to listen to you.
Just a quick message to anyone who may read on today's #WorldMentalHealthDay
The advice I’d give to somebody that’s silently struggling is: You don’t have to live that way. You don’t have to struggle in silence. You can be un-silent. You can live well with a mental health condition, as long as you open up to somebody about it, because it’s really important you share your experience with people so that you can get the help that you need.
You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you human.
You've got this and you're not alone - My DM's are always open. Despite being a Darlo fan, I'm a sound bloke and always willing to listen to you.
Well put Andy. I think the problem may be that, unfortunately, people think they can cope with mental illness and do not realise they need help.
If you have a cut you get a plaster. If your brain needs a reset you don't both.er Yes I know it's not as simple as that but as Andy says the first large step is talking. Once you speak out you can then take control of a situation. Like Andy you can send me a PM if you to speak out.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Very sad when you hear of suicides in any walk of life but some catch you by surprise. I note the politician Sajid Javids brother took his own life recently. Hence when a family is successful you think these things happen far less but it can affect anyone.
I read recently a book about a young women aged only 25 who lost her life to illness . She went to a top university in the United States and cited a suicide when she was studying there . A young man couldn't cope with the academic rigours and maintaining a image of success. She said something which made a lot of sense titled the duck syndrome. On the outside ducks look ok but underneath the water their legs are really struggling to keep afloat. Bit like some of us. On the outside we present a picture that everything is ok but deep within our subconscious were really struggling with things .
I hope everyone is well, just a quick message to reiterate that it's OK to open up and talk. Please do not suffer alone. I say this as yesterday I had the news a young lad I coached and played with for the last 5 years has taken his own life (aged 22). Its so important to not fight depression, heart break and loneliness alone.
I always struggle in the winter and this year is no different. It’s probably something to do with sunlight but also the things I enjoy doing and use for distractions (golf and walking) become less available. I’m getting to the point in life now where I’m regretting some of the choices I made earlier in life with regards career. I’m somewhat of a social hand grenade so I’m becoming a bit reclusive and socially awkward (at the very best) if I do. Anyway I left an event after having a bit of a moment last night and was walking country roads in the cold and dark and I now think it’s time to act on it.
As most of you know i suffer with depression and like many on here say you must talk about it and not bottle it up.
If you do not have family or close friend to talk to there always your fishy friends on here who will listen to your problems me included.
I also find the winter months are the worse and i have suffered so long with the dark moods that i reconise the trigger points early now so i do the things that make me happy to brighten my mood.
The best thing is to talk about it and of course if you have not seen your doctor do so because moderb medicine do help .
Remember you are not alone 1 in 3 of us will suffer with this problem so never think nobody can help .Its the ones who bottle things up who take their lifes so please do not be one of those.
Its good to talk .
Over 36 years living in Suffolk but always a mariner. 68 Years following the Town
As most of you know i suffer with depression and like many on here say you must talk about it and not bottle it up.
If you do not have family or close friend to talk to there always your fishy friends on here who will listen to your problems me included.
The best thing is to talk about it and of course if you have not seen your doctor do so because moderb medicine do help .
Remember you are not alone 1 in 3 of us will suffer with this problem so never think nobody can help .Its the ones who bottle things up who take their lifes so please do not be one of those.
Well they say it’s good to talk and share so here goes. I’ve always looked at the rise in mental health especially amongst men as a fad of our times. I mean it’s everywhere everyone is talking about it these days, everyone knows someone suffering with it, the new fool proof replacement for back ache at work. My thought process was like how can there be so many weak, insensitive, and selfish people, jumping on this bandwagon robbing the needs of those generally struggling with mental health.
This was from a man living a comfortable life living in a big posh house in Humberston a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing kids, as far from mental health as you could get…. Ignorant! Fast forward 6 months I’m now living alone for the first time ever in my life with heartache, loneliness, and depression wondering how I’m going to get through Xmas, I’ve been on the verge of ending the pain the easy way and found myself being taken by the police to Harrison house. I’m still having counselling, and attending the Andy’s man club at the college when I can make it, not sure if it makes a difference at the minute but time will tell.
I now realise I was was someone who never really appreciated what he had but now it’s gone it’s to late. Happiness is precious if you have this in your life then you need to remind yourself you’re one of the lucky ones. Trying to stay positive and trying to look forward now I have a home, a job and I’m now seeing my children regularly there are a lot worse off people than me I keep telling myself. What I will say to anyone suffering please don’t bottle it up, just talking about it helps massively there is no shame or weakness, there is loads of help out there even speaking with your doctor helps they will offer you free counselling.
Well they say it’s good to talk and share so here goes. I’ve always looked at the rise in mental health especially amongst men as a fad of our times. I mean it’s everywhere everyone is talking about it these days, everyone knows someone suffering with it, the new fool proof replacement for back ache at work. My thought process was like how can there be so many weak, insensitive, and selfish people, jumping on this bandwagon robbing the needs of those generally struggling with mental health.
This was from a man living a comfortable life living in a big posh house in Humberston a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing kids, as far from mental health as you could get…. Ignorant! Fast forward 6 months I’m now living alone for the first time ever in my life with heartache, loneliness, and depression wondering how I’m going to get through Xmas, I’ve been on the verge of ending the pain the easy way and found myself being taken by the police to Harrison house. I’m still having counselling, and attending the Andy’s man club at the college when I can make it, not sure if it makes a difference at the minute but time will tell.
I now realise I was was someone who never really appreciated what he had but now it’s gone it’s to late. Happiness is precious if you have this in your life then you need to remind yourself you’re one of the lucky ones. Trying to stay positive and trying to look forward now I have a home, a job and I’m now seeing my children regularly there are a lot worse off people than me I keep telling myself. What I will say to anyone suffering please don’t bottle it up, just talking about it helps massively there is no shame or weakness, there is loads of help out there even speaking with your doctor helps they will offer you free counselling.
Glad things are looking up for you cod. I hope things continue to progress. Utm
How a scarred past affects people especially children which is so sad to read. Wish some children didn't have to go through stuff and life was more ideal 🕯️. Hence the world isn't bad it's what some humans do to each other that make it appear that way :
The PTSD brains of children and soldiers
Scientists have discovered that the brain structures of traumatised soldiers and children change in the same way.
Well they say it’s good to talk and share so here goes. I’ve always looked at the rise in mental health especially amongst men as a fad of our times. I mean it’s everywhere everyone is talking about it these days, everyone knows someone suffering with it, the new fool proof replacement for back ache at work. My thought process was like how can there be so many weak, insensitive, and selfish people, jumping on this bandwagon robbing the needs of those generally struggling with mental health.
This was from a man living a comfortable life living in a big posh house in Humberston a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing kids, as far from mental health as you could get…. Ignorant! Fast forward 6 months I’m now living alone for the first time ever in my life with heartache, loneliness, and depression wondering how I’m going to get through Xmas, I’ve been on the verge of ending the pain the easy way and found myself being taken by the police to Harrison house. I’m still having counselling, and attending the Andy’s man club at the college when I can make it, not sure if it makes a difference at the minute but time will tell.
I now realise I was was someone who never really appreciated what he had but now it’s gone it’s to late. Happiness is precious if you have this in your life then you need to remind yourself you’re one of the lucky ones. Trying to stay positive and trying to look forward now I have a home, a job and I’m now seeing my children regularly there are a lot worse off people than me I keep telling myself. What I will say to anyone suffering please don’t bottle it up, just talking about it helps massively there is no shame or weakness, there is loads of help out there even speaking with your doctor helps they will offer you free counselling.
Sorry to hear that Humbo.
I've been there, so I know how you feel. All I can say is keep jumping those hurdles mate and eventually they will be behind you. Time really is a great healer, so get through each day in whatever way you can.
I always struggle in the winter and this year is no different. It’s probably something to do with sunlight but also the things I enjoy doing and use for distractions (golf and walking) become less available. I’m getting to the point in life now where I’m regretting some of the choices I made earlier in life with regards career. I’m somewhat of a social hand grenade so I’m becoming a bit reclusive and socially awkward (at the very best) if I do. Anyway I left an event after having a bit of a moment last night and was walking country roads in the cold and dark and I now think it’s time to act on it.
You probably know this already, but it sounds like you may have seasonal affective disorder or SAD. A mate of mine gets it and has had good results with light therapy.
You probably know this already, but it sounds like you may have seasonal affective disorder or SAD. A mate of mine gets it and has had good results with light therapy.
May be worth a try if you haven't already.
It worked for my Brother and my Dad. I was talking to someone about it the other day and then saw this when browsing the bbc news site:
I'm more or less retired now, so I can get out and about in what little daylight hours we have at this time of year, but I can understand how difficult it can be for someone who works indoors and probably travels to and from work in the dark.
I walk everyday, at least 5 miles and usually more, and love that I live on the coast, as I love being by the sea. My second favourite place to be is in the woods. I think the cool millenials call it forest bathing, but an hour or two in Weelsby or Bradley Woods does wonders for my mood.
Whenever me and Mrs G go travelling in our camper, we always end up by the sea or in some forest somewhere. I get log cabin fever if I can't get out into nature for a while and my mood suffers. Most of my working life has been spent outdoors or partially outdoors but my mate who suffered from SAD worked in a Humber Bank factory most of his life and sometimes didn't see daylight for days depending on his shifts. Since he retired, he has coped with winter much better.
Anyway, the shortest day has been and gone now and the days get longer by 2 minutes in the morning and 2 minutes at night. Won't be long before the bright days are here.
Yes Ginny I have been messaged by a few people to say this is what it’s likely to be and reading the NHS site it definitely looks to be that to me. Like you I cover a lot of ground on foot in the summer (probably nearer to ten miles a day between March and October) but it significantly drops in the winter although it’s still around the five mile mark. I have previously suffered low mood and the first thing I was advised to do was to exercise so took up running and walking and haven’t stopped since.
In lockdown I saw it described as getting your vitamin ‘n’ (for nature). I live near Bradley and Dixon Woods and run and walk through there regularly. Not much can beat the tranquility of a early summer sunrise in there. We found Saltfleet (on rainy or very windy days so the regulars aren’t there ) ideal for dogwalking in lockdown too. There’s probably two miles of sand from the car park to the sea at low tide there. If there’s anyone feeling a bit off it I’d recommend a walk in nature as a good way to clear your head. There’s so many sounds, birds, animals and fauna that we take for granted in our corner of the world - go and look for them for an hour or two.
I work in a building without windows as it is but I get there and leave in darkness at this time if year on days and nights. As I’m off for the best part of three weeks I’ve held off going to the GP to see if my mood lifts but will be going in the new year to see what they say.
… and if walking doesn’t work get out and run. A mile, a couch to 5k, the Grimsby 10k, the Humber half, the London Marathon, an Ironman. You set your own limits with running. Nothing beats the feeling of achieving a goal though.
Yeah, Saltfleet is great for a brisk walk, as are many other spots along the Lincolnshire coast and they can be almost devoid of people, even on a sunny day. Up around Anderby Creek and Ingoldmells are good, as is the seaside observatory at Chapel Point. Closer to home, there is Horseshoe Point, but that can get a bit busy at times, as can Donna Nook. Seen a lot of wildlife at Horseshoe, including two types of deer, seals and a baby Minke whale, which was unfortunately washed up dead, but fascinating all the same. Seen a few birds of prey, numerous sea birds, some huge Herons, along with lots of wild flowers and rare orchids. One or two naked sunbathers too. Anthoney's bank from the yacht club to Tetney is another good one with some interesting wildlife and a farm with Llama's en route.
Bradley Woods is a great walk if you take it all the way to Barnoldby le Beck and refreshments at the Ship Inn. The walk passes through a second wood and there are some interesting sites along the way.
We have more than likely crossed each others paths at some point, though that will have been while walking. My running days are over and I'll leave that to my pooch.
Hope you get some joy in the New Year at the docs.
At this time of the year, many of us are enjoying ourselves. Unfortunately, one or are not because of depression etc. If you are one of these people and want to talk, send me PM. I cannot guarantee an immediate reply but I will keep looking in.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
At this time of the year, many of us are enjoying ourselves. Unfortunately, one or are not because of depression etc. If you are one of these people and want to talk, send me PM. I cannot guarantee an immediate reply but I will keep looking in.
I second this. Having a severely autistic step son today is a normal day, no decorations, no tree etc. Feels very weird but I have people around me and that's what matters. So if you need a chat I'm also available x
I second this. Having a severely autistic step son today is a normal day, no decorations, no tree etc. Feels very weird but I have people around me and that's what matters. So if you need a chat I'm also available x
Feel for you pal. We have family friends who adopted a severely autistic son and it was sometimes 24 hour care needed. In the end it was too much and he now gets care at a centre where he stays permanently.
Massive respect to them! - takes alot to even consider doing it. My other half home schools her son and has him 24/7. He started to go to his dad's twice a week 9-5 but the week before Christmas refused and said he doesn't want to anymore. So she's not had a seconds break apart from when he's in bed but by then she's exhausted
Can anyone recommend a SAD lamp? I’d like to have one with the alarm clock wake up function if possible and don’t want to spend a fortune if possible. Some of the more expensive ones I’ve seen don’t appear to be bright enough to be used for light therapy.
Can anyone recommend a SAD lamp? I’d like to have one with the alarm clock wake up function if possible and don’t want to spend a fortune if possible. Some of the more expensive ones I’ve seen don’t appear to be bright enough to be used for light therapy.
I suggest you google 'sad lamp with alarm' and see what comes up. Amazon is no longer the cheapest and you might find something on e bay.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Can anyone recommend a SAD lamp? I’d like to have one with the alarm clock wake up function if possible and don’t want to spend a fortune if possible. Some of the more expensive ones I’ve seen don’t appear to be bright enough to be used for light therapy.
I was hoping that my dad still had his so that I could borrow it but he doesn’t know if he still has his, let alone where it might be. So I have been weighing up the pros and cons of a few different models but it’s so easy to go down a rabbit hole and go through a million reviews and waste half a day. I came across the following article and I think it’s a pretty good guide to use as a starting point;
This is heartwarming. This guy was born with no arms or legs. Docters told his parents he wouldn't amount to much . Was bullied in school. Tried to kill himself when he was 10 years old due to others hating on his disability. He's still here and now is a motivational speaker married with two children. As he says it's choices and never give up. Good on him 👏❤️.
Can anyone recommend a SAD lamp? I’d like to have one with the alarm clock wake up function if possible and don’t want to spend a fortune if possible. Some of the more expensive ones I’ve seen don’t appear to be bright enough to be used for light therapy.
Bit late so apologies, but have a look at the Lumie lamps. Not sure if they have the strength to counter SAD but in terms of the wake-up effect, I swear by mine.
Only just stumbled upon this thread but read it through and so much resonated with me. It wasn't quite a cathartic moment as I'm well aware that in the past I've struggled with my mental health and generally my attitude towards myself. As part of that and as part of the healing process I had both the time (especially during lockdown) to educate myself more on the issue but also reflect on why it affected me in such a way.
I don't think there's a catch all cure. The black dog is always there, lurking away. It's just how you can keep him at arms length and recognise when he's sniffing a bit too close for comfort.
Couple of things I've learned over the years:
1) Use your coping mechanisms as part of a routine. Don't react. I used to get angry and frustrated, so I'd go for a run or the gym. Now I use exercise as part of ongoing therapy. My body knows it needs stimulating to keep my mind content, so I allow that to happen. For some that can lead to addiction so remember to keep that in check. Personally I get twitchy if I don't exercise every day, that's risky and I know that. But it's a risk I'm prepared to live with. I've had to learn the downfalls of that of late too as I've not long had ACL surgery which severely restricted that option.
2) The fresh air is the best medicine you can ever get. Sun, wind, snow, rain...it doesn't matter. You never get outside and feel worse for it. In fact the best walks I've had have come when it's lashed it down for the duration. Skin is waterproof.
3) Learn when your vulnerable and don't be afraid to test your limits. It sounds counter-intuitive but don't be frightened of having a bit of a mood or feeling excrement. Cliche but it really is ok to not be ok.
4) Talk. Simple, yet the one thing we don't do.
5) Read. Doesn't matter what you read, but shut off from the world when it gets too much and escape it all. TV doesn't do it, you're too distracted and can half-watch-half-worry. Get into a book and it'll take you somewhere else.
6) Make you the priority. Of course, be kind to others but look out for No. 1. You're the focus and you need to make sure that you're at your best. There's a satisfaction in making others happy, but there's a dangerous pattern when you do it to your own detriment.
7) Vitamin D - If you can't get out into the sunlight then at least take some supplements. It really does help.
8.) Eating/Drinking - There's nothing wrong with treating yourself. But do you ever feel better after a takeaway, or a few scoops? Make them the treat rather than the answer. If nothing else you enjoy them more knowing it is a treat. But your body will feel crap and lethargic for it the more you do it, which just feeds that vicious cycle.
As others have said, always here to talk if anyone wants to drop me a message. Hope all (those who've shared and those who just read) are either in a good place or on their way to one.
Bit late so apologies, but have a look at the Lumie lamps. Not sure if they have the strength to counter SAD but in terms of the wake-up effect, I swear by mine.
Only just stumbled upon this thread but read it through and so much resonated with me. It wasn't quite a cathartic moment as I'm well aware that in the past I've struggled with my mental health and generally my attitude towards myself. As part of that and as part of the healing process I had both the time (especially during lockdown) to educate myself more on the issue but also reflect on why it affected me in such a way.
I don't think there's a catch all cure. The black dog is always there, lurking away. It's just how you can keep him at arms length and recognise when he's sniffing a bit too close for comfort.
Couple of things I've learned over the years:
1) Use your coping mechanisms as part of a routine. Don't react. I used to get angry and frustrated, so I'd go for a run or the gym. Now I use exercise as part of ongoing therapy. My body knows it needs stimulating to keep my mind content, so I allow that to happen. For some that can lead to addiction so remember to keep that in check. Personally I get twitchy if I don't exercise every day, that's risky and I know that. But it's a risk I'm prepared to live with. I've had to learn the downfalls of that of late too as I've not long had ACL surgery which severely restricted that option.
2) The fresh air is the best medicine you can ever get. Sun, wind, snow, rain...it doesn't matter. You never get outside and feel worse for it. In fact the best walks I've had have come when it's lashed it down for the duration. Skin is waterproof.
3) Learn when your vulnerable and don't be afraid to test your limits. It sounds counter-intuitive but don't be frightened of having a bit of a mood or feeling excrement. Cliche but it really is ok to not be ok.
4) Talk. Simple, yet the one thing we don't do.
5) Read. Doesn't matter what you read, but shut off from the world when it gets too much and escape it all. TV doesn't do it, you're too distracted and can half-watch-half-worry. Get into a book and it'll take you somewhere else.
6) Make you the priority. Of course, be kind to others but look out for No. 1. You're the focus and you need to make sure that you're at your best. There's a satisfaction in making others happy, but there's a dangerous pattern when you do it to your own detriment.
7) Vitamin D - If you can't get out into the sunlight then at least take some supplements. It really does help.
8.) Eating/Drinking - There's nothing wrong with treating yourself. But do you ever feel better after a takeaway, or a few scoops? Make them the treat rather than the answer. If nothing else you enjoy them more knowing it is a treat. But your body will feel crap and lethargic for it the more you do it, which just feeds that vicious cycle.
As others have said, always here to talk if anyone wants to drop me a message. Hope all (those who've shared and those who just read) are either in a good place or on their way to one.
An excellant post Diehard. If I may add to No 6 I often say to those who should know "Who cares for the carer". It is not selfish to put yourself first, but as you put it you have to be in 'Top Form' youself so you are able to give others your best.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
A lot of great advice in there dhm. Look after yourself. If you can get beyond internal dialogue and actually take action, you’re doing well. I struggle with this. I can see all sorts of actions I should take and I can describe them in detail but actually doing those things sometimes eludes me. Another thing I’d say is that it is really helpful, in my experience, to allow yourself to cry. I’ve found that a huge release at key pressure points. I’d warn against self medicating with alcohol. This is a huge challenge for me and needs to change. It’s ok to take each day as it comes. I’ve allowed myself to break down my situation into manageable chunks. It’s really tough when you catch yourself doing something mundane, and your mind is saying to you ‘I don’t want to be here’. It does cause anxiety and even panic, but I think going hour to hour and reaching out to dependable friends helps here. There are also some brilliant podcasts too. The last 2 things I’d promote are - get therapy if you possibly can, and be open to medication. Mother Nature and the outdoor world - especially scenic natural locations are free, transformative therapy.
A lot of great advice in there dhm. Look after yourself. If you can get beyond internal dialogue and actually take action, you’re doing well. I struggle with this. I can see all sorts of actions I should take and I can describe them in detail but actually doing those things sometimes eludes me. Another thing I’d say is that it is really helpful, in my experience, to allow yourself to cry. I’ve found that a huge release at key pressure points. I’d warn against self medicating with alcohol. This is a huge challenge for me and needs to change. It’s ok to take each day as it comes. I’ve allowed myself to break down my situation into manageable chunks. It’s really tough when you catch yourself doing something mundane, and your mind is saying to you ‘I don’t want to be here’. It does cause anxiety and even panic, but I think going hour to hour and reaching out to dependable friends helps here. There are also some brilliant podcasts too. The last 2 things I’d promote are - get therapy if you possibly can, and be open to medication. Mother Nature and the outdoor world - especially scenic natural locations are free, transformative therapy.
This is a brilliant piece of advice and I agree wholeheartedly with it!
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Yeah, definitely agree on that too. As a society we're getting better but still absolutely shocking at even allowing men to acknowledge their mental health, for me part of that is still this notion that real men don't cry. Absolute bullshit. It's a human emotion to feel sad and to express as part of that.
I went years and years without crying, despite some quite traumatic events, yet I was bizarrely proud of the fact I hadn't cried in so long. As if my stubbornness and inability to express myself was a badge of honour. Red flags going off all over the place and I ignored them.
Now I'm like a leaky tap. Sometimes it's just a little flutter but other times it's like Niagara Falls. Your body and mind are vessels, they can only take so much before they have to offload somewhere.
I try to see it like a hosepipe. If you've got the tap pumping water in and the hose gun open, that's good. The water is running through the pipe and you're allowing it to release. But rather than letting it fire through at high pressure, why not put lots of little holes in the pipe so the water can escape earlier and the pressure never builds up so high. If some of those holes get filled in, perhaps even temporarily, the other holes can help to keep the pressure low and water can still escape.
The act and release of emotionally crying is psychologically cathartic but it has physiological benefits too. I’m soft as muck, sentimental, hyper sensitive and with anxiety on top too it’s a perfect storm. My natural reflex is to fight it but that’s my upbringing and generation. It’s been proven that emotional tears remove stress hormones and other ‘baddies’ so, not crying because men / boys don’t is literally toxic masculinity at its worst! It is getting better for sure but it’s too late for some and not going nearly quick enough for my liking.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I read about sorting problems out which was really to do with business. I'm mentioning this as, to me, the principle is the same for mental issues and I still use it today in my everyday life.
Make a list, preferably written, of the things that are worrying you. Rearrange the list in order of importance, in other words the thing that is stressing you out most. Then forget about all the others until you have come to terms with it. Once sorted move onto the next.
The next day things may happen overnight, or you see problems from a different angle, so repeat the process.
In doing this you will eliminate your biggest worry.
Also remember the 3 box's:-
1/Do what you can yourself 2/ Ask for help, IT IS NOT A SIGN of WEAKNESS ( if your car or boiler etc. breaks down you get help) 3/ If 1 & 2 don't work then forget it as nothing is going to cure the problem.
Yep, easier said than done, but it works especially step 3.
Tried and tested most days by me. I suffer from a syndrome of illness's which total over 40, not all at once but pain and stress/tension/anxiety is there every day plus a few of the others. Painkillers don'twork, nor do the other drugs they offered unless i wanted to become a 'zombie' and have no life.
As some on here know I was pretty aggressive during my first few months on The Fishy. I have now taught myself to understand, most of the time, that we are all different and that everybody has a right to express their views whether I think their right or wrong, I also try to avoid the 'wind up' merchants.
To me mental health is always evolving and it is the way we deal with it that counts. The NHS is great but you only get 10 mins or so and have to wait and fight to get that. If you can pay privately, no I don't like the idea of paying twice, but you get help a lot quicker ( usualy within days ) and you can self refer ( Spire Hull not St Hughs ).
I haven't had to use private care but I have for my wife and found them excellant.
I sincerely hope this helps somebody out there to find you are not alone, you are one of many thousands, which is why I always say that if you need to talk send me a PM.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Yeah, definitely agree on that too. As a society we're getting better but still absolutely shocking at even allowing men to acknowledge their mental health, for me part of that is still this notion that real men don't cry. Absolute bullshit. It's a human emotion to feel sad and to express as part of that.
I went years and years without crying, despite some quite traumatic events, yet I was bizarrely proud of the fact I hadn't cried in so long. As if my stubbornness and inability to express myself was a badge of honour. Red flags going off all over the place and I ignored them.
Now I'm like a leaky tap. Sometimes it's just a little flutter but other times it's like Niagara Falls. Your body and mind are vessels, they can only take so much before they have to offload somewhere.
I try to see it like a hosepipe. If you've got the tap pumping water in and the hose gun open, that's good. The water is running through the pipe and you're allowing it to release. But rather than letting it fire through at high pressure, why not put lots of little holes in the pipe so the water can escape earlier and the pressure never builds up so high. If some of those holes get filled in, perhaps even temporarily, the other holes can help to keep the pressure low and water can still escape.
I went years and years without crying, despite some quite traumatic events, yet I was bizarrely proud of the fact I hadn't cried in so long. As if my stubbornness and inability to express myself was a badge of honour. Red flags going off all over the place and I ignored them.
This was me for most of my life weddings, funerals, sad movies I would of rather died than be seen crying, sometimes I would struggle to hold back but then I’d just leave the situation.
Watched a Disney movie with the kids at the weekend and the kids were in a bit of shock I think when they noticed my tears 😂 Feels so much better to just be myself and I know there’s no shame in natural emotion.
What I like about this thread is people can open up about stuff within reason ( complete trust is difficult I find as no person is pure).
I often go back to what I read about Mike Tyson. No matter how tough someone seems on the exterior there is always a part in someone's character that makes them crumble and it's ok . Prior to his fights when younger he often cried before getting in the ring as he was nervous and scared believe it or not.
As people have said on this mental health thread it's ok to show human emotion and cry about things. Often in the past it wasn't manly to show emotion. It is though as we're all susceptible to things emotionally.
I went years and years without crying, despite some quite traumatic events, yet I was bizarrely proud of the fact I hadn't cried in so long. As if my stubbornness and inability to express myself was a badge of honour. Red flags going off all over the place and I ignored them.
This was me for most of my life weddings, funerals, sad movies I would of rather died than be seen crying, sometimes I would struggle to hold back but then I’d just leave the situation.
Watched a Disney movie with the kids at the weekend and the kids were in a bit of shock I think when they noticed my tears 😂 Feels so much better to just be myself and I know there’s no shame in natural emotion.
Hey guys, first time posting in this thread, but I’ve just recently had my first ever therapy session and I was the biggest naysayer of such things as part of the bullshit ‘British man who doesn’t need to whinge/complain because I just get on with life and and I don’t want to feel all moany when there’s worst things happening in the world’. My own insular attitudes resulted in me screwing up some parts of my private life and so I thought therapy wouldn’t hurt and… wow it really does help to be able to have access to such services. Glad to finally have moved past my reticence towards speaking about things
Hey guys, first time posting in this thread, but I’ve just recently had my first ever therapy session and I was the biggest naysayer of such things as part of the bullshit ‘British man who doesn’t need to whinge/complain because I just get on with life and and I don’t want to feel all moany when there’s worst things happening in the world’. My own insular attitudes resulted in me screwing up some parts of my private life and so I thought therapy wouldn’t hurt and… wow it really does help to be able to have access to such services. Glad to finally have moved past my reticence towards speaking about things
Well done fella! That first step is the hardest! It's so good seeing more and more men opening up and taking care of themselves. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of therapy was it? I did talk therapy and it was a huge relief and helped me move forward alot quicker than I expected, the lady who did it was brilliant and I know it's their job but she genuinely made me feel like she cared and was a close friend
Hey guys, first time posting in this thread, but I’ve just recently had my first ever therapy session and I was the biggest naysayer of such things as part of the bullshit ‘British man who doesn’t need to whinge/complain because I just get on with life and and I don’t want to feel all moany when there’s worst things happening in the world’. My own insular attitudes resulted in me screwing up some parts of my private life and so I thought therapy wouldn’t hurt and… wow it really does help to be able to have access to such services. Glad to finally have moved past my reticence towards speaking about things
Congratulations.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Five months on from my first post on this thread and it’s a complete turnaround for me. Walked/ran 39 miles on golf courses and the Wolds this weekend, I’ve got a very faint sunburn on my face and arms and I’ve finished it off with a roast pork dinner tonight. This time of year is the best time for my and I’m sure many others mental wellbeing.
Five months on from my first post on this thread and it’s a complete turnaround for me. Walked/ran 39 miles on golf courses and the Wolds this weekend, I’ve got a very faint sunburn on my face and arms and I’ve finished it off with a roast pork dinner tonight. This time of year is the best time for my and I’m sure many others mental wellbeing.
Really glad you're more upbeat Leon. It's funny you say this, I'd never heard of it until recently but apparently alot of people suffer from 'SAD' ( seasonal affectiveness disorder). Now I'm not for a second saying I do. But I definitely am more closed off and grumpy in the wintery months.
Five months on from my first post on this thread and it’s a complete turnaround for me. Walked/ran 39 miles on golf courses and the Wolds this weekend, I’ve got a very faint sunburn on my face and arms and I’ve finished it off with a roast pork dinner tonight. This time of year is the best time for my and I’m sure many others mental wellbeing.
I'm pleased to hear it Leon, take care and enjoy life again.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Just read a powerful testament on instagram of what being nice to someone can do ❤️:
“Today I went to Dunkin and saw a clearly homeless guy singing on the side of the road and picking up change. Eventually I saw him stroll into Dunkin, as he was counting his change to buy something I began to get super annoying and talk to him over and over again even when he didn't really want to talk. Since he had maybe $1 in change I bought him a coffee and bagel and asked him to sit down with me. He told me a lot about how people are usually very mean to him because he's homeless, how drugs turned him into the person he hated, he lost his mom to cancer, he never knew his dad and he just wants to be someone his mom would be proud of (along with another hours worth of conversation.) this lovely mans name was Chris and Chris was one of the most honest & sincere people I've ever met. After realizing I really need to get back to class Chris asked me to wait so he can write something down for me. Handing me a crumpled up receipt he apologizes for having shaky hand writing, smiled, and left. I opened his note and this was it. ‘I wanted to kill myself today because of u I now do not. Thank u, beautiful person.’”
That’s a moving story. I remember my therapist talking to me about ‘positive strokes’ and how important this concept is. This was the case here. Small things - kindness, warmth, empathy, praise etc can make a huge difference when you’re in a place that means you wish you weren’t here.
That’s a moving story. I remember my therapist talking to me about ‘positive strokes’ and how important this concept is. This was the case here. Small things - kindness, warmth, empathy, praise etc can make a huge difference when you’re in a place that means you wish you weren’t here.
I first came across ‘strokes’ in Eric Bernes ‘The Games People Play’ long before I got into counselling and psychology. It struck me then and it’s as relevant now, as it ever was. I think we have a tendency to over complicate things but at times of strife, pain and suffering it’s beneficial to simplify and go back to basics. Being a disciple of Rogers and the person centred approach I don’t think you can go wrong with being empathic, genuine and unconditionally warm both as an approach to others and yourself. Of course it’s easier said than done and even more so if your going through a terrible period or ill health. That’s why it’s important we have an outlet like this where other people can pick up the slack and help someone through difficulties. Sharing an article, personal experience, story, mantra or image can make all the difference and it shouldn’t be underestimated.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Today, we have driven along the Causeway tourist route in Antrim, culminating with a visit to the Giants Causeway after all the tourists had gone home, and it's so good for the soul and your mental wellbeing. We did a forest walk this morning in one of the glens of Antrim. I think the current buzzwords for it is forest bathing.
Today, we have driven along the Causeway tourist route in Antrim, culminating with a visit to the Giants Causeway after all the tourists had gone home, and it's so good for the soul and your mental wellbeing. We did a forest walk this morning in one of the glens of Antrim. I think the current buzzwords for it is forest bathing.
Truly awesome, the power and beauty of nature.
The coast of Northern Ireland is stunning.
Enjoy your holiday and stay safe.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Today, we have driven along the Causeway tourist route in Antrim, culminating with a visit to the Giants Causeway after all the tourists had gone home, and it's so good for the soul and your mental wellbeing. We did a forest walk this morning in one of the glens of Antrim. I think the current buzzwords for it is forest bathing.
That’s a moving story. I remember my therapist talking to me about ‘positive strokes’ and how important this concept is. This was the case here. Small things - kindness, warmth, empathy, praise etc can make a huge difference when you’re in a place that means you wish you weren’t here.
100% Chaos. Biggest influence on my life as stated a while back was a Sikh Maths teacher who when I was in a place at 17 which wasn't good came through with a lot of them qualities you pointed out above. It helped momentarily take me out of that dark place . Glad you have experienced warmth from a therapist though.
Thanks mate. She taught me to be mindful of giving and receiving positive strokes and I make a habit of giving as many as I can to folk. I became conscious of how tiny things can affect your ‘mood’ shall we say - a smiling wave, someone saying they like your shirt, thanking you, telling you that you’ve done a great job, saying you can count on them if you’re struggling, a present, a shared moment of laughter…..scores and scores of things in everyday life where you are acutely aware that you’re human and that you matter, and that kindness given and received is cathartic and edifying.
Mental health is the poor man of the NHS and anybody can get it. If you need help try one of the above or send me a PM. It does not pay to keep quiet, but it does pay to TALK to somebody.
You can please some of the forumites some of the time but not all the forumites all of the time
Five months on from my first post on this thread and it’s a complete turnaround for me. Walked/ran 39 miles on golf courses and the Wolds this weekend, I’ve got a very faint sunburn on my face and arms and I’ve finished it off with a roast pork dinner tonight. This time of year is the best time for my and I’m sure many others mental wellbeing.
Well done mate, there’s nothing like the great outdoors to relieve stress, anxiety and worries, I get out walking every day, it keeps me focussed.
Today, we have driven along the Causeway tourist route in Antrim, culminating with a visit to the Giants Causeway after all the tourists had gone home, and it's so good for the soul and your mental wellbeing. We did a forest walk this morning in one of the glens of Antrim. I think the current buzzwords for it is forest bathing.
Truly awesome, the power and beauty of nature.
The coast of Northern Ireland is stunning.
Have to agree Ginny and I have it all on my doorstep. The sperrin mountains and binevenagh are amazing areas. And if you go further round the coast you can get a ferry over from magilligan to green castle and view around the northwest and if lucky enough, up to malin head
Have to agree Ginny and I have it all on my doorstep. The sperrin mountains and binevenagh are amazing areas. And if you go further round the coast you can get a ferry over from magilligan to green castle and view around the northwest and if lucky enough, up to malin head
We did go further round and passed through Binevenagh, but missed Malin Head because we had to take the dog to a vet in Letterkenny. We skirted the Sperrins and crossed the border at Strabane, before the trip to the vet, then headed north back to the coast at Dunfanaghy, and all the way down the Wild Atlantic Way to Cork, before coming back up the middle along the many waterways routes.
I’ve heard some pretty sad news today and I’d just like to reiterate the message that it’s OK not to be OK and that there is always someone who will listen to your problems big or small.
The facebook/twitter posts of Fill Your Boots (a military banter page) are very sad this week. They are posting memorials to serving and the ex-serving who have died. Far too many of have died from mental health struggle. Anybody suffering who falls into either bracket I’m there and if I can’t help you I’ll you find someone who can.
I love the fact neither party is trying to hide or sugarcoat it. The more it is normalised by people in prominent positions the better. It shows people really aren’t alone and mental illness doesn’t discriminate. It can and will effect anyone and everyone irrespective of background and standing.
How are you doing LH?
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Mental Health is something I have had to live with for the past 57 years. I was 20 years old when I started having these strange feelings in my chest, and if driving, had to stop and sit on the side of the road to wait for it to stop.
At 23 years old I joined the Army and to a certain extent the mental health problem became reduced in it's severity, probably because I was drunk half the time! However, in certain jobs it returned and never went away, then 20 years after I left the Army I was diagnosed with PTSD. This started with me having really strange nightmares, that really scared me, but after 6 weeks of seeing a psychologist, the nightmares stopped.
What prompted the PTSD diagnosis was the fact that I was always suspicious at what was going on around me. I couldn't have people walking up closely behind me, I had to stop and let them pass. I couldn't travel on public transport, especially when it was full, and also could not attend gatherings of large amounts of people. I also have to sit facing a door if I am in a café or any other public place so I can see who is coming in, and what they are doing. To this day, these incidents still happen. I guess it's a cross I have to bear, but at least I am doing that without taking the medication I was originally prescribed, as that stuff sent me loopy.
I DO talk to people about this, and it does help, so to anyone suffering with mental health problems, just talk, people will listen, and on the whole will be sympathetic.
At 23 years old I joined the Army and to a certain extent the mental health problem became reduced in it's severity, probably because I was drunk half the time! However, in certain jobs it returned and never went away, then 20 years after I left the Army I was diagnosed with PTSD. This started with me having really strange nightmares, that really scared me, but after 6 weeks of seeing a psychologist, the nightmares stopped.
I DO talk to people about this, and it does help, so to anyone suffering with mental health problems, just talk, people will listen, and on the whole will be sympathetic.
Good to see your opening up Bear. Just recently listened on audible from a lad in the army who suffered a lot emotionally. As you say opening up and getting help makes a positive difference.
I love the fact neither party is trying to hide or sugarcoat it. The more it is normalised by people in prominent positions the better. It shows people really aren’t alone and mental illness doesn’t discriminate. It can and will effect anyone and everyone irrespective of background and standing.
How are you doing LH?
Sorry - just seen this. Loads better this year. Started gym work in Feb to improve my golf. It didn’t work for that but I’ve stuck at it and I’m there four days a week, doing a long run once a week and out walking at least 3 miles a day with the dog too.
Keeping fit and active, eating well and having medium and long term targets help so much with my mental health.
Mental Health is something I have had to live with for the past 57 years. I was 20 years old when I started having these strange feelings in my chest, and if driving, had to stop and sit on the side of the road to wait for it to stop.
At 23 years old I joined the Army and to a certain extent the mental health problem became reduced in it's severity, probably because I was drunk half the time! However, in certain jobs it returned and never went away, then 20 years after I left the Army I was diagnosed with PTSD. This started with me having really strange nightmares, that really scared me, but after 6 weeks of seeing a psychologist, the nightmares stopped.
What prompted the PTSD diagnosis was the fact that I was always suspicious at what was going on around me. I couldn't have people walking up closely behind me, I had to stop and let them pass. I couldn't travel on public transport, especially when it was full, and also could not attend gatherings of large amounts of people. I also have to sit facing a door if I am in a café or any other public place so I can see who is coming in, and what they are doing. To this day, these incidents still happen. I guess it's a cross I have to bear, but at least I am doing that without taking the medication I was originally prescribed, as that stuff sent me loopy.
I DO talk to people about this, and it does help, so to anyone suffering with mental health problems, just talk, people will listen, and on the whole will be sympathetic.
I generally (obviously everyone is different but it’s helped me to frame it this way) liken my and many mental illnesses to being in recovery for addiction. It’s cliche but it’s a journey and not a destination.
It’s a chronic and emotional battle that, you are truly never free of, it’s necessary to adapt your life, behaviours and attitude to live with it, relapses are a possibility and it’s bloody exhausting as well as hard going.
I do take medication which doesn’t cure my illness but helps me keep a lid on it. I honestly don’t see a time when I don’t but we never really know what the future holds for us.
I’m so glad that people are still finding their way on to this thread and being open about their struggles because it’s so personal. Unequivocally and categorically it helps other people do the same and that has to be a good thing.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I generally (obviously everyone is different but it’s helped me to frame it this way) liken my and many mental illnesses to being in recovery for addiction. It’s cliche but it’s a journey and not a destination.
It’s a chronic and emotional battle that, you are truly never free of, it’s necessary to adapt your life, behaviours and attitude to live with it, relapses are a possibility and it’s bloody exhausting as well as hard going.
I do take medication which doesn’t cure my illness but helps me keep a lid on it. I honestly don’t see a time when I don’t but we never really know what the future holds for us.
I’m so glad that people are still finding their way on to this thread and being open about their struggles because it’s so personal. Unequivocally and categorically it helps other people do the same and that has to be a good thing.
I hear you brother, and I’m in the same boat as you so let’s stick together. It’s a battle every day. I’m sure my medication helps but the side effects are a huge offset for me. I just try to start again everyday. And I accept my own need to release with tears. I’ve always found that to be immensely helpful and I’d advise any fellow sufferer not to constrain or repress that. Listen to music and cry your eyes out. It does actually help. And, if you can access therapy then do. Don’t be afraid. It’s the best medical intervention you can get. Talk, listen and study. It’s what I did and it really helped me make sense. As you say…..the journey goes on, but there’s nothing worse than being in crisis or the edge of crisis. If you can pull yourself back from the metaphorical cliff, and accept that you’re not going to give up, that’s progress.
I hear you brother, and I’m in the same boat as you so let’s stick together. It’s a battle every day. I’m sure my medication helps but the side effects are a huge offset for me. I just try to start again everyday. And I accept my own need to release with tears. I’ve always found that to be immensely helpful and I’d advise any fellow sufferer not to constrain or repress that. Listen to music and cry your eyes out. It does actually help. And, if you can access therapy then do. Don’t be afraid. It’s the best medical intervention you can get. Talk, listen and study. It’s what I did and it really helped me make sense. As you say…..the journey goes on, but there’s nothing worse than being in crisis or the edge of crisis. If you can pull yourself back from the metaphorical cliff, and accept that you’re not going to give up, that’s progress.
It is indeed progress and that’s key for me-you have to take the wins no matter how big or small. When I first had my break down people were worried for me and my best mate asked me if I was thinking of doing anything daft. Firstly I wasn’t as I’m petrified of death but secondly It made me realise that it wasn’t that I wanted to die but more that I just did not want to live like that anymore. To suffer.
I agree on the crying element and I think I may have mentioned previously there’s science behind that notion because emotional tears (rather than functionary ones) have increased stress hormones in them. But 100% it’s cathartic and wholly beneficial if you can get over the shame of it (as a child growing up in the 80s I was ridiculed for being overly sensitive and crying anytime I did).
Repression is an absolute killer though and should be strenuously avoided. It’s a curious self defence mechanism because it does nothing of the sort in real terms, not really.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Really good to read this lads. Since 2019 I've become a bit of a shouter when it comes to opening up and talking to someone. It can and will help. Keep going lads ❤️ utm
I would also add - please get therapy if you can access it. 100%. Sure, I sobbed through a fair few chunks of time with my therapist but I learned so much about the human condition and I read loads of material to broaden my understanding of how I was feeling. I think the condition outlined above about not contemplating suicide but not wanting to live is absolutely correct and resonant. Having lost my Mum to suicide at age 19 there’s no way I could inflict that on the people who care about me, not least my young children, but not wanting to be here is an engulfing and overwhelming emotional state and I absolutely understand how people take that step. Hibernation would’ve been a solution if it was a real thing, but I think that there must be so many people who experience that enormous sense of wanting to opt out of life. It does pass, or becomes less frequent or intense, but medication, therapy, talking, friendship and some form of activity - for me - walking, especially hillwalking are restorative and comforting and medicinal. One day at a time lads. One day at a time. ❤️
I would also add - please get therapy if you can access it. 100%. Sure, I sobbed through a fair few chunks of time with my therapist but I learned so much about the human condition and I read loads of material to broaden my understanding of how I was feeling. I think the condition outlined above about not contemplating suicide but not wanting to live is absolutely correct and resonant. Having lost my Mum to suicide at age 19 there’s no way I could inflict that on the people who care about me, not least my young children, but not wanting to be here is an engulfing and overwhelming emotional state and I absolutely understand how people take that step. Hibernation would’ve been a solution if it was a real thing, but I think that there must be so many people who experience that enormous sense of wanting to opt out of life. It does pass, or becomes less frequent or intense, but medication, therapy, talking, friendship and some form of activity - for me - walking, especially hillwalking are restorative and comforting and medicinal. One day at a time lads. One day at a time. ❤️
When I was training to become a counsellor it was a requirement (among other conditions) to have a set amount of personal therapy without which you could not become qualified as set out by the BACP. I had received therapy immediately after my breakdown but it was more CBT based than what I would deem a ‘proper’ talking therapy. It helped and it inspired me down the path I chose.
However, it was not a touch on the therapy that my participation on the degree course required me to have. I don’t think I’ve ever been in such a grounded more healthier state of mind as when I was having it and for a period after it. It was not easy for me though and I fought tooth and nail just to get through the door at times. Often I’d drive myself round the block having this internal battle with myself. I’d cry for a lot of the sessions and they were so intense, uncomfortable and utterly exhausting. Often before, during and after was like an out of body experience.
Therapy and the course undoubtedly changed me immeasurably and for the better. I hold Vicky and Dave (my learning tutors) in the highest regard possible and view them as absolute heroes and role models. They are up there with the best people I’ve had the pleasure to meet.
Things did not work out for me in the way I envisioned but those 2 incredibly fierce years gave me so much. I would recommend counselling to anyone but paradoxically I don’t think I’d could go back to it right now. I may need to in the not so distant future but I’m not sure.
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
If something doesn't work for you don't think nothing will. I tried councilling but it made things worse for me. I then got offered 10 sessions of talk therapy, my god what a difference it made.
If something doesn't work for you don't think nothing will. I tried councilling but it made things worse for me. I then got offered 10 sessions of talk therapy, my god what a difference it made.
Counselling is a talking therapy so out of interest what type of counselling did you have that didn’t work and what type of talk therapy was successful for you?
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Absolutely. Persevere. I chose my therapist because I wanted some CBT. I also studied Transactional Analysis at the same time and both really helped me. Persevere and try different combos. I had medication too and changed it a couple of times. I also struggled with crippling insomnia and intermittent panic attacks. If you address each aspect, things get slowly better.
Counselling is a talking therapy so out of interest what type of counselling did you have that didn’t work and what type of talk therapy was successful for you?
In truth I'm not entirely sure. The councilling just didn't feel right and speaking about what happened whereas the talk therapy was more talking about strategies and the future etc
In truth I'm not entirely sure. The councilling just didn't feel right and speaking about what happened whereas the talk therapy was more talking about strategies and the future etc
I’d imagine that’s CBT based that worked then. Aside from being a nosey sodomist I was asking so someone else reading it could decipher that there’s lots of different talking therapies and not to give up if one isn’t right for them.
I was exactly the same as Chaos with medication and I tried several different ones before settling on my current form. Trouble is it takes around 6 weeks to know if one’s working but sometimes you know they’re not right a lot quicker.
The caveat to that is a lot have symptoms of their own that you have to battle through initially before they come good. It’s certainly a minefield and a very individualised journey.
I too suffered chronic insomnia which at times was crippling and I’d spend most nights driving about like a serial killer without the murdering bit(honest).
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
It’s a difficult time of year for some people. There’s lots of offers of listening ears on here so please reach out if you need to talk.
This for sure. I'm all ears or I can guide anyone to a safe place to open up whether that be via a phone call or groups such as Men's health of Facebook (highly recommended)
If something doesn't work for you don't think nothing will. I tried councilling but it made things worse for me. I then got offered 10 sessions of talk therapy, my god what a difference it made.
Where do you find out about Talk Therapy? I suffered with anxiety in my late teens, and then was diagnosed with PTSD some years after I left the Army. I tried various medications, but couldn't cope with the side effects chich mainly consisted of horrific nightmares. I was referred to a Psychiatrist for 6 sessions, which helped reduce the nightmare's but still left me with other symptoms of PTSD which I have to this day. I also tried counselling, didn't work, so would be interested to learn a little more about Talk Therapy.
Where do you find out about Talk Therapy? I suffered with anxiety in my late teens, and then was diagnosed with PTSD some years after I left the Army. I tried various medications, but couldn't cope with the side effects chich mainly consisted of horrific nightmares. I was referred to a Psychiatrist for 6 sessions, which helped reduce the nightmare's but still left me with other symptoms of PTSD which I have to this day. I also tried counselling, didn't work, so would be interested to learn a little more about Talk Therapy.
Counselling is a talk therapy Bear! What type of counselling did you have?
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
I am having a hard time at the moment since my wife went into a nursing home , I could no longer look after her at home even though we were having a pair of carers coming in four times a day.
It is very hard here without her because for 46 years we have done everything together which was going to watch town at home and away in our younger years.Now neither of us can get to a game because of our health problems.
It's good to talk I have always said and the family are always running me about as I can not drive now and they are always there for a chat and I have friends here and on the fishy I can talk to when I am down.
I go up to the nursing home most days which is about 8 miles up the road... It's nice to sit with her and have chat or just sit there if she is having one of her sleepy days. Our daughter and grandkids are very good driving me about.
Dementia is a very horrible illness but there are times that make us laugh we have been told not to correct her when she comes out with strange stories just to agree with her all the time.
That's easy for me to do because when she was well she was always right and I was always wrong.
She talks to me all the time when I am not there and let's me in her bed .. When I return to our home I find myself talking to her it might be making me lose my mind but I find it works for me because it's the only time I have won an argument.
Over 36 years living in Suffolk but always a mariner. 68 Years following the Town
46 years together is amazing Pete. So sorry you are having a hard time, but remember all the good times mate, and thank whoever needs to be thanked for all those years of happiness. Never managed anywhere near that length of time with one person, and I can't imagine how tough it is for you right now.
I am having a hard time at the moment since my wife went into a nursing home , I could no longer look after her at home even though we were having a pair of carers coming in four times a day.
It is very hard here without her because for 46 years we have done everything together which was going to watch town at home and away in our younger years.Now neither of us can get to a game because of our health problems.
It's good to talk I have always said and the family are always running me about as I can not drive now and they are always there for a chat and I have friends here and on the fishy I can talk to when I am down.
I go up to the nursing home most days which is about 8 miles up the road... It's nice to sit with her and have chat or just sit there if she is having one of her sleepy days. Our daughter and grandkids are very good driving me about.
Dementia is a very horrible illness but there are times that make us laugh we have been told not to correct her when she comes out with strange stories just to agree with her all the time.
That's easy for me to do because when she was well she was always right and I was always wrong.
She talks to me all the time when I am not there and let's me in her bed .. When I return to our home I find myself talking to her it might be making me lose my mind but I find it works for me because it's the only time I have won an argument.
46 years is amazing and something I admire and aspire to with my better half Pete. Congratulations and what a gift you’ve given and continue to give one another.
Sorry you are suffering too Ginny!
“I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards.” –Garth Marenghi
Pete, my grandparents have experienced something similar with my grandad being in hospital for most of the year and my nana remaining at home. He’s home now but won’t have long with her there. You need to take comfort that she is getting the care she needs and you can cherish the moments you get with her as a husband rather than as a carer.
Where do you find out about Talk Therapy? I suffered with anxiety in my late teens, and then was diagnosed with PTSD some years after I left the Army. I tried various medications, but couldn't cope with the side effects chich mainly consisted of horrific nightmares. I was referred to a Psychiatrist for 6 sessions, which helped reduce the nightmare's but still left me with other symptoms of PTSD which I have to this day. I also tried counselling, didn't work, so would be interested to learn a little more about Talk Therapy.
My doctor (to be fair they're amazing) offered me councilling and it didn't work so they then put me down for talk therapy. It took a couple of months before it started. I got 6 free sessions, which isn't much but it helped
Also Pete do you get to watch town games online? I'm more than happy to try help set you up so you can watch them. Free of charge (I'll pay for the year subscription for you) all you need is a firestick, a phone (that isn't an iphone), laptop or tablet.
Dementia is a horrible disease. My Mother had it and died at the age of 93 in a local care home. My wife, and I, and also my sister, looked after her at home in her bungalow for 3 years before it became too difficult for us to manage her worsening condition. She didn't want to go at first, but once she had been there a few days, she settled in to a daily routine.
After being rushed into hospital with Sepsis, her Doctor asked myself and my sister to consider signing a DNR (Do not resuscitate), as he explained that a further bout of Sepsis would almost certainly kill her, and that having needles stuck in her and various other procedures carried out on her would only cause her more pain. We considered this for 24 hours, was the hardest decision of my life, but in the end signed the form. A few weeks later she relapsed and was placed in end of life care, and eventually passed away in no pain at all.
46 coming on 47 years have flown by I feel very lucky the woman I love loved me and we shall always have that despite dementia.
I’m choking up reading that Pete. What an incredible love you have which is so rare, and probably won’t exist in the future. Very lucky and very well deserved. You seem a great bloke
I’m choking up reading that Pete. What an incredible love you have which is so rare, and probably won’t exist in the future. Very lucky and very well deserved. You seem a great bloke
Thank you
Over 36 years living in Suffolk but always a mariner. 68 Years following the Town
Saw this recently which I thought was very profound from a black policeman (respect for trying to be positive change ) in the USA . Sometimes in our lives we all need some encouragement to get us out of the dumps which life can throw up.
THE FAIRNESS OF LIFE’S UNFAIRNESS
"I look back at what I’ve seen in the 51 years I’ve been alive. I’ve seen so much unfairness.
I’ve seen the sweetest people die too soon The most evil live long The richest in spirit live in poverty The most morally bankrupt live in luxury The most loving marginalized The cruel adored I’ve seen the innocent persecuted And the guilty unpunished I’ve seen those deserving of opportunity passed over And those who are undeserving promote I’ve seen those who deserve to die peacefully, die in agony. I’ve seen those who deserve to be tormented, peacefully pass on I’ve seen evil people made into heroes And the truly good and brave slandered as monsters
When I see these things, my carnal mind tells me “What’s the point of being righteous?”
But in my spirit, I know that the sweetest, most decent, loving and righteous, are sometimes needed in the low places and moments to provide inspiration to others in that space to stay or be righteous. To keep loving, no matter what you are facing. To be the light no matter the hand you are dealt. There lies the fairness. He puts the righteous in every situation so the different levels of the world aren’t so dark".
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Sandford1981
grimsby pete
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