Club policy / Job description

BP Vicar's club policy list

*Release 37 goal strikers as they 'haven't scored many against top six teams'.

*Release centre back leaders coming to their prime, pillars of the community. Especially as the skipper was getting on and needed replacing.

*Do not ever negotiate contracts with players who have dedicated themselves, proved them selves and excelled. Especially when there are only a few months left of their contracts. This will allow other clubs to monitor their availability and make contact with their agents and get deals done.

*Sign players looking for their last contracts, just so they can pop their slippers on and coast through to retirement, really good if you can sign a load of defenders coming to the end of their playing career at the same time. Ideal that.

*Under no circumstances make moves early in pre season. Wait until the very last minute so wages can be saved and the dregs nobody else wants are available. Really useful to minimise the chances of players 'gelling' and getting to know the 'style of play lol'.

*Alienate squad members by treating them like lepers, reducing morale within the squad. Especially when the lepers (Clements, Mcallister) are better than the players 'ahead' of them.

*Make sure any player showing any sign of ability is moved on asap.

*Loan players out to other clubs fighting relegation - ensure no recall clause is in the agreement.

*Local media outlets are not to be allowed to draw their own conclusions or to publicise anything other than the gospel of the club. Failure to adhere to this instruction will mean player interviews are suspended. Make sure high ranking officials (preferably wearing a roll up to the neck turtle jumper and leather jacket) make an utter bottom of themselves.

Amendments / Poster additions

(Courtesy of Robocod)
* Curtail any old-fashioned excitement for fans when entering the final day of the transfer market by not only failing to bring in someone who can grab some extra goals but selling your top scorer, the only player who has scored a half decent amount all season, and relying on your current lumbering big striker who didn't want to join you in the first place but who found nothing better so joined on loan, and anyway he' puts in a shift' every other game even though this isn't strictly true it's just that the current talentless Town team make everything look like hard work.

(Courtesy of The Old Codger)
*Bury the club in as much debt as possible in order to create a Putinesque dictatorship

(Courtesy of Quagmire)
*Make sure a significant number of signings are players who have a losing mentality, by signing players who have suffered relegation in their previous season ie Summerfield, Berrett, Clarke, Hooper, Kelly, Rose (seconds away from relegation to the conference last season with Newport) etc

(Courtesy of The Old Codger)
*Appoint a director that has been auditing the accounts so he knows all the sums and where they are hiding. Then enrol him on the same charisma-bypass course that all GTFC directors are obliged to attend. Once trained, pat him on the head and train him to say 'Shut up!'

Can anyone else thing of any other wonderful policies we could use?

Buy cheap, buy twice.

The sheer incompetence is mind-blowing. I don’t see how Fenty can be here next season if we do go down.

Curtail any old-fashioned excitement for fans when entering the final day of the transfer market by not only failing to bring in someone who can grab some extra goals but selling your top scorer, the only player who has scored a half decent amount all season, and relying on your current lumbering big striker who didn't want to join you in the first place but who found nothing better so joined on loan, and anyway he' puts in a shift' every other game even though this isn't strictly true it's just that the current talentless Town team make everything look like hard work.

“When” not if we go down Fenty, Marley, May and the invisible race horse trainer should be tarred and feathered IMHO....... their negligence has destroyed so much

Quoted from davmariner

The sheer incompetence is mind-blowing. I don’t see how Fenty can be here next season if we do go down.

Under no cirumstances do I want him involved in any way at GTFC. His record is staggeringly bad. He's had a good bash, but it is clear he has to go and he has to go while it is pleasant for him.

Quoted from RoboCod

Curtail any old-fashioned excitement for fans when entering the final day of the transfer market by not only failing to bring in someone who can grab some extra goals but selling your top scorer, the only player who has scored a half decent amount all season, and relying on your current lumbering big striker who didn't want to join you in the first place but who found nothing better so joined on loan, and anyway he' puts in a shift' every other game even though this isn't strictly true it's just that the current talentless Town team make everything look like hard work.

I'll add this one, well done.

Bury the club in as much debt as possible in order to create a Putinesque dictatorship

Quoted from MuddyWaters

Bury the club in as much debt as possible in order to create a Putinesque dictatorship

Aye, we'll take that one as well. This is a good one and will ensure a vice like grip on the club.

Quoted from davmariner

The sheer incompetence is mind-blowing. I don’t see how Fenty can be here next season if we do go down.

Unless a buyer comes in to take over, then he will remain