Stupid Football Cliches

I know we've done this one before in the dark distant past but hearing it again over the weekend just reminded me again how bloody stupid the saying is.

"THEY BOTH WENT FOR THE SAME BALL!!

There is only one frigging ball. Why can't they just say "They both went for the ball"

What other football cliches annoy you or is it just me being paranoid?

Game of two halves.

It's always a game of two halves.

TBH almost all of the commentary, post-match analysis and interviews relating to matches shown on tv irritates me. I try to avoid it wherever possible.

It's not really a general cliche but I wish Alan Hansen would stop using the phrase "indecision is final" on every MotD.

Ah, just remembered one. When someone hits the post and people say "he beat the keeper but couldn't beat the woodwork" or "the woodwork came to their rescue". The posts and bar form the structure of the goal, they are not there to be beaten or to rescue anyone and do not prevent a goal being scored ever.

"Hasn't got a footballing brain" If he didn't have a footballing brain he wouldn't be a footballer would he

Calling players "son" starts to grate on me. Especially that whole overused "tickaboo son" yes it was novel the first time he said it probably but after hundreds of times it just gets annoying.

Alan Hansen can barely go 30 seconds without describing something as "senseeetional" or "fantaaaastic"

Also, has anyone noticed the way Lineker's head goes up and down, from right to left, like a cockatiel when he's talking into the camera? Might be something to do with reading the autocue but no one else does it to his extent.

'what a goal that would have been'.

It wasn't a goal so why say it

At the end of the day you have to take the rough with the smooth... some you win , some you lose , but when
push comes to shove its all about stickin it in the onion bag.... and remember... its all about desire.....
if you put the effort in then you get the rewards.... blah blah blah.....

The moron in the upper smiths who has to stand up every 5 minutes and scream, "ANTICIPATE" everytime someone loses the ball

"How did he miss?"

'He should've worked the keeper'. An Andy Gray special.

When Heskey went through one-on-one against the Yanks and drilled it into Howard, did anybody say - 'Good lad, he worked the keeper there'?

To be fair.

The foreign player's cliche when he wants to reply in the affirmative: "For sure".

What frigging language school goes around teaching that phrase? Nobody uses in every day speech.

"At the end of the day."

"I just swung my leg and luckily it went in."

"There or thereabouts."

"Top player."

"COULD DO A JOB AT THIS LEVEL."

"for a big man he has a good touch"

How come you never hear "for a small man he can really head it" - Maybe once or twice with Tim Cahill.

"Mike Newell football manager"

He always gives you 110%. Errm..physically impossible.

He played a great square ball there. Who's ever seen a square ball??

I used to enjoy Golden Brown's interviews on radio Dull.  "They came here to play fooball and we gave them a game", was one of his best ones.

What about Radio Humberside's, "went down like the proverbial sack of spuds"

Wasn't funny the first time you said it, still isn't funny the 5th time you've used it this game and in every game for the past couple of games.

it only takes a second to score a goal....
if our goal hadnt of been disallowed....ahem, its either a goal or it is not a goal, they are never disallowed.  

he rose like a salmon.....what ...he lept  soaking wet and flapped his legs from side to side to gain extra height??

Just about anything that Andy Gray says.

That should of been a freekick. Well it wasnt so get on with it

and the ball goes over the bye line? what is a bye line?
When reffin on a Sunday morning and I say to a player 'Calm yourself down its only a caution' and he replies 'thank god for that I thought you was gunna book me!'
UTMM

He could hit a barn door.

"Men against boys"

"Play the ball on the deck" how long has football been played on a trawler?

"Midfield engine / dynamo"

"Down the channels"

"A fraction offside" he was offside  by 7/32nds of an inch...."

"He was a bit late there" a euphemism for being assailed by a psychopath.

One for the older fraternity "He could turn on a tanner"

"In the hole"

Oooh Errr!

Quoted from Les Brechin

I know we've done this one before in the dark distant past but hearing it again over the weekend just reminded me again how bloody stupid the saying is.

"[b]THEY BOTH WENT FOR THE SAME BALL!!There is only one frigging ball. Why can't they just say "They both went for the ball"

What other football cliches annoy you or is it just me being paranoid?

[/b]

What about man on
Does anybody know what that means, common when I was a player, mind you we had some astute players around in the seventies.
OLDFOOTBALLER

Bye line irritates me...it doesn't exist and never has, it is the goal line you so called flipping expert.

And pretty much anything that fat jock illegitimate says on his 'final word'...

Quoted from maxfox44

I used to enjoy Golden Brown's interviews on radio Dull.  "They came here to play fooball and we gave them a game", was one of his best ones.

Jeez that 'expert' summariser they have on there for Dull games - Swanny - gets right on my paps with the ridiculous amounts of times he says "like you say" - when nobody said anything like!!! GGRRRRRRRRR

Quoted from moosey_club

he rose like a salmon.....what ...he lept  soaking wet and flapped his legs from side to side to gain extra height??

Made I chuckle did that one!  

put it in the mixer.....

he went into that tackle with real venom.

1 - Overuse of the word "obviously" - especially in interviews.

2 - Ridiculous nicknames - lamps, peaks, etc

Players who start interviews by saying: "Yeah, no, yeah...."

Hospital ball I received many of them in my carreer at Town, it usally is when your team mate gets rid of the ball under pressure and you end up being the receiver.
Not very nice I can tell you.

OLDFOOTBALLER

Players who say "you know" at the beginning and end of every sentence.

Or say "erm" every second word.

Great grasp of the English language has your average footballer.

The worst ever football cliche has to be "He didn't get enough purchase on the ball". WTF does THAT actually mean. Did the player attempt to gain entry to the game by offering to pay with a ball instead of some of our English pounds? A particular favourite of the late Brian(?) Moore. (One time Gillingham fan) if I recall.

When teams are on the attack and their crossing it into the box "Put the kitchen sink in their" I think the saying is. WTF does that mean?

This seems to cover most of them:

http://www.thefootballtube.com/videos/29386/spitting-image-the-world-cup-song-1990.html

It is a bit like watching Dad's Army in places: dead... dead... still alive... should be dead by now...

People who talk about a 'greasy surface'.

"...and ironic cheers from the crowd there."

They're not ironic, they're sarcastic.

Quoted from oldfootballer

[/b]

What about man on
Does anybody know what that means, common when I was a player, mind you we had some hirsute players around in the seventies.
OLDFOOTBALLER

"No disrespect to the likes of Grimsby".

If we get relegated we will be playing teams like Grimsby, and at their place on a cold January night".

"Smith MUST score!".  Or insert the name of any striker being commneted on by Alan Green on Radio Five Live.

"10 men often play better than 11".

The boy has a lovely left foot(whats the right foot like)
He produced an agricuitured tackle

Quoted from Garth

The boy has a lovely left foot(whats the right foot like)
He produced an agricuitured tackle

It's a "cultured" left foot. It knows all about the Grand Masters and Classical music.

Park the bus. Park the flipping bus?????

One of the old commentators Coleman or Motson just saying one-nil in a supercilious way when the first goal was scored.
Motson saying "He really should have scored" even though the player has got his head on to a ball that was flying at 200 mph, 8 feet above his head.

"Tevez with his bulldog like approach" mentioned every time he touches it on Fifa

Also, "he was just about to put his laces through it" irritates me

Quoted from Townfantom

"Hasn't got a footballing brain" If he didn't have a footballing brain he wouldn't be a footballer would he

Have you seen our players for the lasrt two seasons?

cool as a cucumber!

They arent very cool when i buy them from the supermarket, they are kept in a basket on a shelf

Quoted from RonMariner

Have you seen our players for the lasrt two seasons?

To be fair a few of them had very good "Footballing brains" They just weren't very good ability wise.

Score at 1-1,next goal wins it.
2-0 is a dangerous scoreline.

Quoted from marinernige

2-0 is a dangerous scoreline.

not for teams playing against town they always seem to get two back in the last ten minutes  

Quoted from oldfootballer

[/b]

What about man on
Does anybody know what that means, common when I was a player, mind you we had some astute players around in the seventies.
OLDFOOTBALLER

As you well know Dave, its when there is a man behind you approaching your bum,


My pet hate is, when the managers say, shoot at the goals, its goal, there is only one at each end.

Quoted from CatchOfTheDay

not for teams playing against town they always seem to get two back in the last ten minutes  

Yeah, but not necessary that they will make it out of it. Right ?